Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
So... I've been having some weird thoughts lately... been thinking I needed to come post about them, but they are such a jumble I don't know how to get them all out in a manner that makes sense, but I am going to try!
According to the app on my phone that tracks the days since RNY, (yeah, really! ha!) it has been 80 days since my surgery (WOW! time has flown!). And I am thrilled at my progress... In fact, I sincerely believe if I were to never lose another pound, I have been successful in that I have regained my mobility and health as well as many other NSV's plus some scale victories as well. In fact just today I tried on a pair of size 14 levis and could get them to zip up... (I won't lie! I could not breath and they looked WAY TOO TIGHT, but the suckers zipped up!). And some of you may remember me talking about a couple of very nice suede jackets I bought (size 14) before I even had surgery....? Well, today, I can snap them up! They are still a bit snug and I will wait another month-ish before I wear them out, but the suckers fit and when I bought them I could not even get my arms in them!
However (seems there is always a "but"....) I also worry that (still) I won't find more success.... I worry that its not enough... that I'm not doing enough... that I eat too much... that I don't exercise enough... that my old food demons are just under the surface and sometimes they raise their ugly head.... and that I will, well, fail! I've not been perfect in this journey... and I beat myself up for that... even tho I know its about progress, not perfection! I worry I will never see the underside of 200 lbs.... I worry that I'll get there then gain it back... I worry that I am not enough to be successful.... I worry that I feel better than I look... that I look better, but not better enough... That my chicken neck and condor wings from loose skin will bug me more than is healthy.... I worry that I am too old to feel this good.... (now if that's not crazy, I don't know what is!)....
Thru all of this.... I am so glad I did this! And I guess down deep inside I know I'll work thru all this... and that when I get on the scale again around the end of this month it WILL be a smaller number than was there last month.... and that I WON'T use the word "ONLY" in the same sentence as "LOST"... because saying "I only lost X # of lbs" bugs the beejeezers out of me because I can remember when I was doing WW for years and could not lose a single lb and I would listen to people week after week saying they "only lost X lbs" and I wanted to ring their necks... because any loss is a move in the right direction... and I was jealous...
And I know that today, when I came down stairs and showed my hubby the suede jackets fit, and started to cry, then sucked it up.... and he hugged me and said it was ok to cry, so I did... even tho I didn't quite understand the tears as the emotions I felt were a mix of a million different things... that letting the tears out vs. holding them in, well, was also progress... and each day I find the strength to make it thru another day doing (mostly) the right things... and forgiving myself for the occasional not perfect thing I do.... As I sit here wearing a blouse that I have not been able to wear in 10+ years and it is comfortable and cute, and I am thrilled I can wear it, yet a part of me says its not enough... it should be too big, not fit real nice... what the hell? These emotions and such just amaze and confuse me...
I could ramble on and on about this confusing stuff... But instead I am headed to one of the beautiful area parks to go for a walk with a beautiful new friend I have made at school.... :)
Love you guys!
According to the app on my phone that tracks the days since RNY, (yeah, really! ha!) it has been 80 days since my surgery (WOW! time has flown!). And I am thrilled at my progress... In fact, I sincerely believe if I were to never lose another pound, I have been successful in that I have regained my mobility and health as well as many other NSV's plus some scale victories as well. In fact just today I tried on a pair of size 14 levis and could get them to zip up... (I won't lie! I could not breath and they looked WAY TOO TIGHT, but the suckers zipped up!). And some of you may remember me talking about a couple of very nice suede jackets I bought (size 14) before I even had surgery....? Well, today, I can snap them up! They are still a bit snug and I will wait another month-ish before I wear them out, but the suckers fit and when I bought them I could not even get my arms in them!
However (seems there is always a "but"....) I also worry that (still) I won't find more success.... I worry that its not enough... that I'm not doing enough... that I eat too much... that I don't exercise enough... that my old food demons are just under the surface and sometimes they raise their ugly head.... and that I will, well, fail! I've not been perfect in this journey... and I beat myself up for that... even tho I know its about progress, not perfection! I worry I will never see the underside of 200 lbs.... I worry that I'll get there then gain it back... I worry that I am not enough to be successful.... I worry that I feel better than I look... that I look better, but not better enough... That my chicken neck and condor wings from loose skin will bug me more than is healthy.... I worry that I am too old to feel this good.... (now if that's not crazy, I don't know what is!)....
Thru all of this.... I am so glad I did this! And I guess down deep inside I know I'll work thru all this... and that when I get on the scale again around the end of this month it WILL be a smaller number than was there last month.... and that I WON'T use the word "ONLY" in the same sentence as "LOST"... because saying "I only lost X # of lbs" bugs the beejeezers out of me because I can remember when I was doing WW for years and could not lose a single lb and I would listen to people week after week saying they "only lost X lbs" and I wanted to ring their necks... because any loss is a move in the right direction... and I was jealous...
And I know that today, when I came down stairs and showed my hubby the suede jackets fit, and started to cry, then sucked it up.... and he hugged me and said it was ok to cry, so I did... even tho I didn't quite understand the tears as the emotions I felt were a mix of a million different things... that letting the tears out vs. holding them in, well, was also progress... and each day I find the strength to make it thru another day doing (mostly) the right things... and forgiving myself for the occasional not perfect thing I do.... As I sit here wearing a blouse that I have not been able to wear in 10+ years and it is comfortable and cute, and I am thrilled I can wear it, yet a part of me says its not enough... it should be too big, not fit real nice... what the hell? These emotions and such just amaze and confuse me...
I could ramble on and on about this confusing stuff... But instead I am headed to one of the beautiful area parks to go for a walk with a beautiful new friend I have made at school.... :)
Love you guys!
Everything you are feeling/thinking I am as well and I am sure most of us think the same way.. at least for a while. We aren't used to losing weight and our mind will play tricks on us. Do my arms look thinner? No, its probably just my mind because that wouldn't happen. Those thoughts occur daily and I think it is because our self-esteem was low for so long and it is tied to our weight. Each day we just have to keep going and know that this surgery/weight loss doesn't define us and that we continue to strive to be the best version of ourselves possible. Does that mean we always do everything perfectly? Nope, just take it day by day. You are so strong and you are so busy now I think you need to remember to take time for yourself!! Hopefully as time passes our "what ifs" and worries will lessen and we can focus on the positive. Hope I made sense!! Crazy ramblings indeed :)
When I see those TV commercails where the skinny little model says I LOST 18 POUNDS! just want to kick them in the rear!
Thank you so much for sharing your "ramblings"...they sound a lot like wisdom to me. :-)
Yesterday, after my trip to the park... I started in with this runny nose... by last night it was time for nyquil.... today, U G G H, I feel sooooo crappy! SIGH.... Guess I will lay around today and hope I am better tomorrow!
Thank you everyone for your kind words!
Don't doubt yourself girlfriend! You are dong amazingly well and as you said the fact that you have your health and mobility back is awesome.
I feel the same way so often. I'm wearing 10's now and everyone tells me I look amazing, but I'd still like to lose more. Yet I'm so thankful for this gift I've been given.
One thing I've been sure to do is throw out all my fat clothes. So if these start to get tight on me, I will work harder. I'm not going back to Fat land and neither are you!!
I know I have the same thoughts, I beat myself up when I think I've cheated (eating an extra protein bar or something) and yet I'm so elated with I jump into my pickup and my belly does not rub the steering wheel, in fact there's probably 12 inches between me an the steering wheel.
For that I'm greatful and thankful this tool is working for me. Though it is tough on a daily basis, I think I'm working on NEW, healthier habbits that some day will be normal, not something I have to work at.
=)
It HAS been a confusing transition, going from one world to the next.
Part of me is still stuck in the old one, but each day i'm a few more steps into the new one, embracing all the joy it brings. Including the
Condor wings....LOLLOLLOL
What a beautiful way with words you have!
;-)
I see a lot of myself in you. I truly can express myself when I write. Thank you, for sharing your personal journey with us, the ups and the downs. You make it all real, and that prompts us to know, that our feelings pre-op and post-op are not "weird", and that others' feel the same way.
I'm so happy for you, about fitting into your size 14's !! That's so great, and like you said, another month...you will be 'stylin' in those outfits!
Hope you feel better soon, and thanks again for sharing these feelings with us.
You look GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Boo