I would go and flaunt my new self in front of all of them. You have every right to see your nieces and enjoy their company. I would set a time limit on how long I stay. The other option would be to just call your niece and wish her a happy birthday and stay home. Don't let your brother steal your power or happiness!

Lucy

That is a hard call because you do not want to create an issue at the babies birthday, but on the other hand, how often do you get a chance to see the children. If you and the great niece's mother are on good terms, you might just call her and let her know that you are going to come over for a short time and visit. You have a right to see them. I do not know what the issue is between you and your brother, but just knowing that he will try to create an issue will allow you to brace yourself and avoid any negative interaction by knowing he will try to get your goat and also knowing that you can be above it and walk away when you need to. Do not engage with him and his games. You know how he is an because of that, do not let your emotions get you down. You can not make someone change or be nice if they are not. I know it hurts and is sad, but just go there with the goal of seeing the children and then be polite and leave. Hold your head up high and smile. They will love you. However, the other thing to consider is, are you ever going to have any relationship with these children in the future? If this will be too painful and you will most likely not be in their lives, than you could just call and wish them a happy birthday and not put yourself through the pain of dealing with your brother. There is no perfect solution. Do what you think is best for all and especially you. Best of luck. Sorry you have to go through that. Take care and be well. Hugs!!!

Thanks for the advice. It is really appreciated

As Lucky said i don't know the issue between your brother and you, but i know that i have had issues with my sister.

There was finally a day when she revealed something so surprising that i realized she was not fully functioning. From then on i have not held her to the same standard as the rest of my family. I expect her to do and say selfish things and i try really really hard to just let them go. i expect nothing from her - no calls, no visits. whatever she puts forth is fine.

this was really hard for me as i had always idolized her - she is 7yrs older- and i had dreams of us being best friends when i grew up and that we would do everything together. once i let that dream go and just accepted her the way she was it was easier for me.

many times people hurt us because of the expectation we have for them. if you have no expectation or if you expect them to say something hurtful then it might not bother you so much.

i agree that if the nieces and grand nieces are not a big part of your life it might be easier to just stay away - what is your other brother doing, what does he think? he may have much better advice, knowing the situation in the family.

good luck, and don't let them get you down!

Let you desires to see the family be known then wait to see if they respond. At least then YOU will have done the right thing and the ball is in there court. Best to you lineka. d

go see the babies, their issues are not your issues. Put on a brave face and don't do or say anything to set them off. They probably won't want to embarrass themselves at the party either. But don't let yourself be the last to leave. Don't leave first either. Thank the kids and tell them that you hope to see them again soon and call it a day. You will be glad that you did!! Good Luck. xoxoxxo

Well i held my head up high and went. It wasnt as bad as i feared. He was actually pleasant. But with over 50 people in the house, we kind of stayed away from each other. Thanks for the support

I would go and see those precious babies and just let the negative roll off your back - don't let them "stick." You are strong! I have family that is similar and I have decided that I'm going to take the high road, even if they can't see that's what I'm doing. HUGS!

Glad it all worked out lineka

To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel badly about yourself without your permission.

Be true to the person your really are. Act in keeping with YOUR personal values and priorities--not with your brother's!

What do YOU want to do?