Hi Bear. I picked up the Phone to call G.A 3 times '. The first 2 times I hung up. Went gambling. I was not ready to committ to quitting. And I sure did not want anyone to hold me to that promise. As long as it 'was my secret it was a 'Bet laid ahead'. Exposing myself meant 'an obligation or responsibility on my part to follow through in stopping. Part of my Problem was "MY Sneakiness". As long as "I" could slink away to gamble ''all was good'.That lovely trait evolved with my Gambling. So did dishonesty and the lies , cheating. stealing my spouses monies.So 'coming clean 'was the last resort for me. When I did I 'committed to change by getting help. Also it 'smashed my Dream World and kicked the snot out of My Denial.
Sometimes it takes what it takes to finally surrender to being a compulsive gambler and I"fought that Role so much it led me back into gambling many times. Until I accepted the facts of my mental obsession with the 'bet I tried to hide the obvious. Many knew ; but did not say a thing Until I 'told them. I thought I 'was the only one who knew LOL. duh me. I am glad I got honest . It saved my life along with my spouses as "I" was affecting his life too and it 'affected all around me. When MY eyes opened ''I seen ''the collaterial damage. I hope this helps . Secrets kept me sick.
Be well Sandra gams5.

I'm with gams5....sneakiness is a huge part of the problem...especially for family and friends.

Honesty with everyone around you about getting help and dealing with your addiction means you have nothing to hide...and forces you to stay honest with yourself.

Perfect way to simplify the problem, Gam...Secrets keep you sick! Amen to that one.

Don't be afraid to be forthcoming, Bear.

Cantervilleghost, spouse of CG

Well hello Bear22, Here is my perspective for what it is worth. I believe that no matter what a person has or has not done, that they are SPECIAL. I believe that even if people do not share everything about themselves with others, that is OKAY and you are still SPECIAL. I believe when anyone has any kind of problem or addiction, that they are the ones who decides who and what gets told or shared. You are the owner of YOU and YOUR life. You are SPECIAL no matter what. In the end, ALL that matters will be decided by the ONE who CREATED. I hope you understand what I mean. Hugs and kisses, mamabear21

Hey Bear,
One day at a time,brother. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. I need to live in the here and now. How do I feel today? What did I do not to gamble today? Yes, I need to cleanout my feelings. But. for myself.Recovery is a selfish thing. and I need to be Honest,Openminded , and willing. Give your self some time. Easy does it. Your in my prayers.

Hi Bear. I really commend you on three months without gambling. I think you have read my posts and know me pretty well and i will repeat it. After many many years of trying to quit, even going to GA a few years back and only to relapse and never telling my family or friends about the problem, it wasn't until last October that I decided I was finished. I believe this. When you are really really determined that it is out of your life, it doesn't make any difference who knows anymore because you know you won't have the fear of them reproaching you after they know. The fear of what they will think or say. Hey its family and friends, they love you , so why would they do anything other than be proud that you cared enough for them to tell them you had a problem and you trusted them with your innermost secret. I emailed and called my family and told them and they never knew the extent that I gambled. They were glad I had decided to quit. I told my close friends, and distant friends. I told my neighbors, some of whom had no clue. I told my bingo buddies, my poker buddies and everyone I could tell that I wanted no rides to the casino, even if I begged them. I quit it all and I have many new friends who don't gamble but lead interesting lives. When my kids send me money for mothers day or Easter or whatever, I am not overridden with guilt that I am spending their money gambling. They never ask me how I am doing with my addiction. The family that lives close to me know, and I am sure tells them I am doing fine. I really truly believe telling them lifts a huge weight from your shoulders and a new found closeness with your loved ones. lots of bear hugs to you. barb

Thanks everyone. Your responses gave me a pretty wide perspective and some good insights and ideas.

Hi Bear
Will share one thing with you that I heard at a GA meeting few years ago."You are only as sick as your secrets."Also the more the loved in your life know the more that makes you accountable.Also when you get a minute read the Reflection for the Day of April 8th.
Take Care & Have A Wonderful Day Of Recovery.
God Bless
Ken L YBIR

Me again
Also in reply to your statement of "Before you asked, I've not shared this information because I am extremely embarrased to do so + not living up to the expecations of others etc etc. " A counsellor I work with
likes to say "It is none of your business whatother think or say about you.That took me a long time to understand.Spent most of my life worrying about what others thought about me.Today not so much.
And let me tell doing that is alot less stressful.
Ken L GRCG ODAAT

Hi Bear. My take on you not sharing your problem is that if you don't tell anyone else you won't have to be accountable if you fail. This may not be your case, but it is with my husband who is a very sick person (sports betting) I know he has tried many times to quit but he would never share this with anyone because he knows he is not going to quit. He thinks that if he quits for a couple of days or weeks that it will take care of itself....and it doesn't. He expressed twice in 12 years how miserable he was and that he would never do it again. He will then after a short while go back to it. Even I know, now, when he is and when he isn't. He thinks that is just so absurd. If you think your family doesn't think something is going on, you are more than likely fooling yourself. Gambling is my husbands mistress. I think you need to come clean because you need the support. In my opinion, you are protecting your problem by not telling anyone. You need to protect your family and not your gambling. Lies breed more lies, especially the ones you tell yourself. Lastly, It SUCKS knowing that my husband loves betting more than our kids and me.
Hope this helps as it is coming from the other side of the problem.
Good Luck and God Bless!