Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hi all,
I've been gone for quite a long time. Today should mark 1 year since I stopped going to the casino, and I did make it quite a long time, but I honestly can't say I didn't go back. Thankfully it was nothing devastating. I went three times from January - March. All because of the lure of the free money. The first time back I went with my husband. We lost about $600 that we didn't have, and he went to the car completely depressed that we had even come. I went and took out another $40 that actually ended up winning me $15 more than what we lost, so I thankfully took the hint from God that this was my cue to learn from my mistake and get the hell out of there. The next time I lost $200 and the third I went by myself & lost $150. For me, that wasn't so bad. But what surprised me is the guilt and shame I felt for returning after being so good for so long. The $200 could have bought a nice cart of groceries. So my last day at the casino was on March 9th. A few days later I got a notice that I had a complaint filed against me for a $200 bad check to the casino. I had actually cashed it and thought I'd have a little time to pay it back because I had done that before. Nope. This time I had to pay double and go to a class. How embarrassing!!! I thought I would die. I had to go or they would press charges. I paid the fees and went to the meeting and low and behold, the teacher tells stories about the "idiots" who write bad checks to casinos. I felt like such a loser. I looked around and thought, "This is not me. I am a hard-working mom and I should not be here. I have values and morals and they go out the window when I'm at the casino.
So anyway, I think that might be the kicker...I haven't stepped a foot in the casino, almost 3 months now. But I am so sad that today should have been a year now. Worse is we are still suffering so badly financially and I thought we'd be feeling "normal" by now. We have so many stupid payday loans we are trying to pay off and we owe so many people money. We are behind on our mortgage, utilities, car, school payments, you name it. I can barely afford groceries. I just want some normalcy. I hate what gambling has done to me and my family.!!! I am so ashamed of myself. :(
I've been gone for quite a long time. Today should mark 1 year since I stopped going to the casino, and I did make it quite a long time, but I honestly can't say I didn't go back. Thankfully it was nothing devastating. I went three times from January - March. All because of the lure of the free money. The first time back I went with my husband. We lost about $600 that we didn't have, and he went to the car completely depressed that we had even come. I went and took out another $40 that actually ended up winning me $15 more than what we lost, so I thankfully took the hint from God that this was my cue to learn from my mistake and get the hell out of there. The next time I lost $200 and the third I went by myself & lost $150. For me, that wasn't so bad. But what surprised me is the guilt and shame I felt for returning after being so good for so long. The $200 could have bought a nice cart of groceries. So my last day at the casino was on March 9th. A few days later I got a notice that I had a complaint filed against me for a $200 bad check to the casino. I had actually cashed it and thought I'd have a little time to pay it back because I had done that before. Nope. This time I had to pay double and go to a class. How embarrassing!!! I thought I would die. I had to go or they would press charges. I paid the fees and went to the meeting and low and behold, the teacher tells stories about the "idiots" who write bad checks to casinos. I felt like such a loser. I looked around and thought, "This is not me. I am a hard-working mom and I should not be here. I have values and morals and they go out the window when I'm at the casino.
So anyway, I think that might be the kicker...I haven't stepped a foot in the casino, almost 3 months now. But I am so sad that today should have been a year now. Worse is we are still suffering so badly financially and I thought we'd be feeling "normal" by now. We have so many stupid payday loans we are trying to pay off and we owe so many people money. We are behind on our mortgage, utilities, car, school payments, you name it. I can barely afford groceries. I just want some normalcy. I hate what gambling has done to me and my family.!!! I am so ashamed of myself. :(
One of the guys at my GA meeting puts it this way -we have spent all this time digging ourselves this hole. Every day we don't gamble we get to put a little dirt in the hole. Sure, it doesn't add up right away, but there IS progress. I was/am a slot junkie. I hardly ever played cards (though I did very well, when I did), because I need/want the high of instant gratification. I want the bells and whistles. My point is, I have to be patient and realize that the debts I have accrued won't go away overnight. It can get you down, but try to remember progress not perfection. Every day you don't gamble is a better day.
As for "normal", I don't know what that looks like. As far as I know "normal" is only the setting on a washing machine. Love to you. ~E