It is scary, all the things this addiction does to us and we go back for more. I would add to exclude yourself from all casinos around you and do not carry cash or cards with you. Keep your head up and watch that voice that tells you a little won’t hurt because we all know it will. I am so used to talking myself into gambling that I really have to actively refocus those thoughts. Go forward, you got this

Bless your heart. I can do relate. Our addiction is conning, baffling and powerful. Don’t be scared. You are so on the right track. Figure out the triggers. I hate myself each time I return to insanity. But I will get up and fight every time. I wasn’t created to be like this and neither were you. Don’t stop fighting. Bless you

Thank.YOU! CLORIS AND MUSBDEBY.....I already self-exclude d myself from 2 casinos....but yesterday I drove almost 2 hours.to get to one..... I think those freeway casino advertisements signs got me

Relapse can be so frustrating. At first it made me feel like all my efforts had been wasted, but with help from my recovery group & counseling I came to understand that clean time is never truly lost. Relapse is a process just like recovery. I learned that I could forgive myself and view it as a signal that something in my plan needed shoring up. Self-excluding from all the casinos in my area a couple of years ago made a huge difference, but I still have to be vigilant and make adjustments as things change. Last month I drove 3 hours each way to self-exclude from a new place because I knew I'd eventually be vulnerable if I didn't. This is also why I still have major blocks on my access to cash. This addiction is a disease. We can't cure it, but we can manage it on a daily basis. Please be kind to yourself, try to take it as a learning experience, and move on. We're with you!

Last night around 3:00am I had such a strong urge to gamble. My routine over past several months was to leave work early on Fridays and go gambling. I totally disregarded my work my finances and my health. Last week I realized how much I neglected everything and everyone. I got so depressed and became physically ill. That Friday urge to gamble made me almost lose everything. Today I did not gamble. It’s hard but this group is one of many things helping me to know I am not alone. You are not alone. We all have our stories to share and support to give. You will make it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!..yes2recovery and Kssnewlife...I appreciate your support...and yes I will keep fighting

You have to change your beliefs about gambling in order to change your behavior. I used to believe I could get ahead by gambling - that is definitely not true for me. I used to believe I was bad and did not deserve a better life. In my old gambling life everything good or bad was a trigger. Sort of like all roads lead to Rome - all my roads led to a gambling establishment. I had to decide that I deserved a better life. Living that life is what keeps me from having long relapses and gives me long periods of abstinence filled with friends, activities, hobbies, peace and calmness. (And extra money for things like jewelry, dinner out, plays, movies, concerts, art shows, classes and travel.) I have traveled more in the last 5 years (I which I have been 99.9% abstinent), than I did the previous 10 years with 4 times the income, while I was still gambling full speed.

Thank you Quit4goof for your great advice s....I did change my belief in gambling a while a go...but in certain days and circumstances seems like my mind is just programmed to go straight in front of slot machine changing my thoughts and erasing the ugly past of desperation....brokenness....and destruction.

From experience I sure can understand how you feel a bit frightened by your relapse. Sometimes a relapse can make you doubt your own sanity, let alone your own self trust and control. Store that defeated feeling to recall when it feels like something in your head suddenly clicks that makes you feel like you must gamble. Click- gambling is not an option.

I know the feelings assisi, even after decades of abstinence people sometimes slip, relapse. It is said that relapse is part of recovery, I hope I have had enough relapse. This time was my shortest relapse ever and is much easier for me this time. I am reworking a relapse prevention plan with a counselor and digging a little more at the roots of my addictions.
Just getting quit is all most people can deal with to begin with. Plus, after about 3-4 months of abstinence our brain begins to clear and not seem so fuzzy. You will be able to think better then.
The WHY of it is what you explore with a counselor and is a little different for everyone. Unresolved grief is common among us and a high percentage of compulsive gamblers had another addiction in the past or at the same time as gambling. Low self esteem, self-sabotage and a core belief that we don't deserve a better life are all common as well.
Also our family of origin has a lot to do with who we have become, depending on how functional/dysfunctional that family was there can be widely different outcomes.
I had alcoholic, mentally and physically, abusive, mentally ill, parents that used boards, switches, hoses, and religion as a weapons. They were responsible for the seeds of my self-loathing.
But the good news is that what our parents, siblings, lovers and others have done to us can be largely healed. With hard work and the help of some talented counselors I am becoming the loving, nurturing, kind, yet disciplined parent to myself that I never had.

I do get scared sometimes that I am not strong enough to fight. I am praying for the strength to keep moving forward in a positive and healthy direction. Our lives depend on us to stop the cycles of madness and misery with gambling. I gambled for over 25 years playing slots thinking it was just entertainment. It’s not entertainment for me. It is and has been an addiction. I have been reading books about this addiction and learning how to get to the root cause of why I did it. I need to better understand whyI hurt myself, why I shut people out of my life, why I lied for so long. The list can go on and on. We all can relate on different levels. Take it one day at a time to start to get back to you. Losing battles will happen but I am determined to win this war on gambling addiction.

THANK YOU Quit4good and kssanewlife for your support....REALLY HELPFUL COMMENTS.....I know that amazing feeling of being gambling free....I was in that position for over a year before last week....BUT I LOST A BATTLE NOT THE WAR