Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Regret. Do I have any? Yes, at times I do. Someone said to me last night, "I'm so proud of you Terri, for not running out and gambling." It struck me, as the conversation had not even come up, it was a random comment.
But, at the same time, I instantly thought of the people I had hurt and the amount of money I had thrown away. If I really sit back and think about my gambling addiction over the last 15 plus years, and the amount of money I lost, I would get physically ill. I remember coming home, many times, and the first thing I would do would be to check my budget and my bank account, to see what damage I had done, it got to the point where I couldn't even look at my bank account, it would just read pages and pages of withdrawals. I still really can't think about it. Now, the thought of going to a casino and dropping 5k in one night is just mind blowing to me. But, in my addiction, money wasn't really money, it was what helped me fuel my addiction, it meant nothing to me.
I would not be telling the truth if I said I didn't have any regrets, I do, of course I do. But, I can't dwell on the money lost, or carry the rock of guilt for the people I hurt with worry. I can however, live in the moment, The money will never be back, its gone, long gone. But, my recovery is today, I have it today, something I couldn't have said awhile ago.
In my recovery, I do sometimes reflect on the damage that this addiction caused, but its also a reminder of where I come from and where I never want to go again. I don't beat myself up anymore. I remember thinking about getting my house refinanced, but the lender required my bank statements, and I was mortified, I would have to show them the amount of money I had withdrawn, so, that was scratched. I drained all of my accounts, including but not limited to my retirement.
I'm a 54 year old single female, I work my ass off, and although I have little to show for it because of my past and my addiction, today, I do have my family, friends, my home, my bills are current, and more importantly, I am felling better about who I am. I am not sitting in a casino, for days, and running from my life or my bank account. I am living my life, one day at a time and today, I have not placed a bet.
Its a good day.
Do the day my sweet warriors and never forget where you came from.
oxoxoxo
But, at the same time, I instantly thought of the people I had hurt and the amount of money I had thrown away. If I really sit back and think about my gambling addiction over the last 15 plus years, and the amount of money I lost, I would get physically ill. I remember coming home, many times, and the first thing I would do would be to check my budget and my bank account, to see what damage I had done, it got to the point where I couldn't even look at my bank account, it would just read pages and pages of withdrawals. I still really can't think about it. Now, the thought of going to a casino and dropping 5k in one night is just mind blowing to me. But, in my addiction, money wasn't really money, it was what helped me fuel my addiction, it meant nothing to me.
I would not be telling the truth if I said I didn't have any regrets, I do, of course I do. But, I can't dwell on the money lost, or carry the rock of guilt for the people I hurt with worry. I can however, live in the moment, The money will never be back, its gone, long gone. But, my recovery is today, I have it today, something I couldn't have said awhile ago.
In my recovery, I do sometimes reflect on the damage that this addiction caused, but its also a reminder of where I come from and where I never want to go again. I don't beat myself up anymore. I remember thinking about getting my house refinanced, but the lender required my bank statements, and I was mortified, I would have to show them the amount of money I had withdrawn, so, that was scratched. I drained all of my accounts, including but not limited to my retirement.
I'm a 54 year old single female, I work my ass off, and although I have little to show for it because of my past and my addiction, today, I do have my family, friends, my home, my bills are current, and more importantly, I am felling better about who I am. I am not sitting in a casino, for days, and running from my life or my bank account. I am living my life, one day at a time and today, I have not placed a bet.
Its a good day.
Do the day my sweet warriors and never forget where you came from.
oxoxoxo
:)
Yes, I regret it. But, not to the extent where it's making crazy. Just some sadness when I think about what I've done. I'm grateful that I'm still able to work so that I can make things right and I'm grateful that I still have my home. I know it could have been much, much worse. May sound odd but I'm also grateful for the learning experience, albeit an expensive one.
That has helped me get past regret.