Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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What urge?

Robin-Mc
Robin-Mc

I'm not feeling any urge to gamble today.  


I'm not even sure what I was feeling when I gambled on and off for the past 10 yrs, and somewhere in there I got close to two yrs without placing a bet, maybe I took it for granted.  Maybe I didn't care enough about my recovery/life.  Could I have just been bored, creating drama for no reason in my life?  All of the above?  Does it matter now?  Yes, to me, it does.  I know I can't go back and re-do it, that's not what I'm trying to do.  It hurts to think I wasn't really in recovery, when I believe I was, and still am.  Why did I have to keep testing/punishing myself?  Getting a clean month here, a clean month there. I don't remember when or why I started the whole stupid lie back up.  I'm pretty sure I've blocked my selfish excuses out of guilt and shame.  I created a second life that I wanted no one to know about, out of guilt and shame, too.  Today I want a better life.  I want to trust myself.  Life can be risky enough without risking it all on purpose.  What urge?  It makes me so mad!  At myself.  I want to defeat the monster that tells me lies are urges!  Isn't an urge an overwhelming feeling that can't be resisted?  Really?  Can't be?  I don't want to keep hurting myself then blaming it on an urge.  Or is it just easier to give up and end up blaming this so called "urge"?  


I know it sounds like I'm being hard on myself.  I don't feel like I am.  I feel like I'm facing the reality of my addiction. If I can face this addiction with my eyes open, I believe I can have a better life.  


So grateful not to feel the dreaded lie, aka, the urge to gamble today.  I'm feeling a powerful urge to do the next right thing, for me and everyone around me.  No more lies feels better.  I'm grateful to be taking time to sort my feelings right here.  Thanks so much for being here with me.  Peace & Love 

Dee1969
Dee1969
Its like everything you just said, came out of my mouth. Every feeling, every judgement, and fear. We must be doing the right thing, we are here talking, reading, and totally understanding. We are strong, taking it day by day. I have no urge to gamble right now, but maybe that's just because I banned myself for a year. But then what? Do I fall into that horrible pattern again like you said. I just want you to know, you are not alone in your feelings, I have the same feelings. Be proud that you made it this far and are able to show your feelings to us all. Stay strong
kssnewlife
kssnewlife
A double life is what I had. I never wanted anyone to know just how addicted I was to gambling. For a long time I did not admit it to myself. There was always a soft voice in my head which I chose to ignore. The only time I acknowledged the voice was when I spent all of my money and going home feeling ashamed. No one could ever know how I spent my bill money and tried to justify paying later. It is great to wake up and being thankful to know that I can get the control back over my life. I encourage you and everyone to continue to stay strong, stay committed and stay focused.
losergal
losergal
I played games with myself "the next jackpot I will take and leave", " I will only take a certain amount of $ with me (then I WOULD USE THE ATM)
I have experimented online with Facebook free slots and I still play until it is all gone. I have finally realized I am a compulsive gambler, no 2 ways about it.
Ttkyerkes
Ttkyerkes
Losergal, thank you. You said it perfectly. I did the same thing, just thinking I didn't go to the casino. Well, it's still gambling and I also still play till it's all gone. I'm compulsive at many things, gambling be #1.