Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
A little shy to start a discussion being newbie but I figure I might as well jump in with two feet.
One of my jobs is to write positive behavioral plans for people with disabilities and those who are in crisis. We always say we can never remove the option for someone to act or behave a certain way unless we replace it with something else that is positive. The theory is that all behavior serves a function and I was thinking that our addictions have all served us in some way (At least we thought they did in the beginning) So part of healing must be replacing the negative behavior (gambling) with something positive.
My question is what kind of things have you replaced the gambling with. When the urge comes what do you do instead? I know that there are the twelve steps to lean on but what do you do to comfort yourself in the way that gambling first served you.
The functions of my gambling were to escape when I was stressed, to have somewhere to go when I was lonely, to add a little excitement in my life, as reward for a hard day or week at work, and when I was bored. I haven't figured out yet what my replacements will be but I am hoping knowing these things will be a good start.
How about you?
One of my jobs is to write positive behavioral plans for people with disabilities and those who are in crisis. We always say we can never remove the option for someone to act or behave a certain way unless we replace it with something else that is positive. The theory is that all behavior serves a function and I was thinking that our addictions have all served us in some way (At least we thought they did in the beginning) So part of healing must be replacing the negative behavior (gambling) with something positive.
My question is what kind of things have you replaced the gambling with. When the urge comes what do you do instead? I know that there are the twelve steps to lean on but what do you do to comfort yourself in the way that gambling first served you.
The functions of my gambling were to escape when I was stressed, to have somewhere to go when I was lonely, to add a little excitement in my life, as reward for a hard day or week at work, and when I was bored. I haven't figured out yet what my replacements will be but I am hoping knowing these things will be a good start.
How about you?
The reason I gambled was to escape my routine and add some excitement into my life. It was an adrenaline rush. So rather than replace that rush I need to change my focus and spend time doing positive, constructive things. For me, that is the key. So when the urge hits me to gamble I come here, read posts, share my feelings, talk myself through it, distract myself by calling a friend, working out or journaling. I find when I have extra time on my hands that is when I get the urge to gamble. The more restless I feel the more the urge increases.
My parents are both gamblers, so I think mine is genetic!
This post really struck me and I took a little more time to mull it over- the answer is simple- anything! I know that may sound a bit patronizing, but it's true. The emotions you've noted above are so very true for many of us, wanting to reward ourselves or trying to fight off boredom- the fact is, however, that we are actually punishing ourselves and creating a boredom much worse than what you've described when we're in the depths of this disease- loneliness and isolation. Get out there and do anything other than gamble. It works.
Another cliche is that idle hands are the devil's workshop- I've found that to be true, too. The times I've had any sort of urge is when I've had little or nothing to do... that little voice inside starts to talk- hey, maybe a quick shot, just a little, something of that sort- you need to quash that and quash it good and quick.
The main thing that came to mind when reading your post was my own way of talking myself out of doing one thing or another- it's too late, it's too far, I don't know anyone, etc., etc., etc. Yet, someone I'm proud to call a friend since trying to stop gambling frequently says- we always had time to gamble, right? I'm in the midst of the big nor'easter on the east coast now and I absolutely guarantee I would have found time, some way, some how to gamble today if I were actively doing so. Family event, schamily event, I've got to get to "fill in your own blank" and if I find enough time, maybe I'll get there- probably won't, but maybe... It's funny how we can always find the motive to gamble, the money to gamble and the time to gamble, but all else seems to have an obstacle or two.
Anyway, I hope this is helpful and I agree with all the other responses in practical ways, just thought I'd go a little deeper.
Jay
idleness is the devil's workshop
and loneliness and isolation are the impetus
and the food to this disease
and not replacing the time spent gambling is asking
WAY too much of an addicts brain in the way of willpower,
which we don't have and will never change an addiction or a bad habit for that matter.
I went gambling last night.
three weeks down the drain,
didn't spend much money but the loneliness and
isolation got me.
Drove 50 miles and stayed about four hours.
just walking around after loosing the few hundred I could only get my hands on and then just watching addiction in practice.
It is a harsh and cold winter and with no friends here to speak of and a home cleaned to perfection and tired of reading etc.
I fell to the same old pattern and the same old tired old habit.
I am leaving to live with my mother today and take care of her and find some new GA meetings etc.
Take up new habits and new rewards of living to keep the heck out of the casino and away from my addiction.
YOU must replace your old ways with new and rewarding behaviors because hey, as humans we crave belonging and being loved and contact with other humans.
ISOLATION AND LONELINESS will keep an addict addicted forever that is for sure.
I find planning for something different or out of the run of my ordinary everyday life is a great way to send the mind in a more positive direction- whether it be planning a weekend trip with husband/wife/partner, or planning a night out or planning a route to hike, etc. The planning part is a mind distracting part and enjoyable. Sometimes the planning is better fun than the destination point at the end of the planning.
Going out to movies, to theater to anyplace that gets me off my butt and gets my head away from gambling is good.
I love the saying "move a muscle , change a thought".
Anything, yoga, plan a skydiving jump ( that gave me a level of excitement that was unmatched up to that point.)
Find something that you might have a passion for and go for it.
This site is great and meetings are great but I think we have to partake in activities that will not just intellectually satisfy us but also satisfy us in a manner where our endorphins are activated.
But I think everything has to come from a place where meetings and this site come first. Everything positive arises from not gambling.
I cannot put any new passions ahead of my recovery and I cannot forget that the reason I am embarking on new activities is because I am a recovering compulsive gambler and being a GA member and member of this site. Everything stems from there.
The very best of luck.
"The planning part is a mind distracting part and enjoyable. Sometimes the planning is better fun than the destination point at the end of the planning."
and the endorphins or dopamine that our brain releases in anticipation of another fix, i.e. win which by the way the slot programmers know about just how long to go before we need another fix and then hook us back just enough to keep us at that machine,
but really any book on addiction or habits or changing behavior tells us me must have a reward for a job well done, a bad habit averted, a gamling trip avoided......
by doing things we like and "averting" our attention we can let the urge go, let it pass, forget about it.
Do this enough and WALLA !! (sp?) recovery.
sound easy,
it is not but it is doable. Very doable.
I know this is part of the disease.
I also am aware that I can replace one compulsion with another- even the recovery and getting well could turn into an obsession because of my ability to get lost and caught up in it so I am really taking things slow and observing the mind (mine that has a tendency towards OCD) and how it responds even to the process of getting to wellness.
It makes me wonder if I will ever find that middle ground of not needing to be swallowed up in something.
feh.
I am a perfectionist,
I believe I have always done things to excess
including my successes.
When I first started this I was obsessed with
trying to figure out why, how ????
But then I read "delete the need to know".
It helped me with accepting where I was at
and just to concentrate on working the program
from GA (addiction) and get going on recovery.
I am still a little obsessed with this site as
I find so much comfort and understanding here
but I am starting to fill my time with family, friends, and
GA meetings.
This has been a huge detriment to my recovery..........
isolating myself. A big no no for me and trying to quit.
You sound so much like I felt when I first started this January.
I can "feel" your words.
Isn't that such a comfort; how everyone can so relate ??
You are on your way, just let it happen.
Do the work and use the "tools" you learn here that you feel will benefit YOUR recovery.
so glad to have you here.