well the worse you feel the more youre healing, not sure how long your were in the hell, but your body is detoxing, so take it as a good sign, you'll see the light of day soon, i promise..

The first time I realized I had a problem and I should stop my insane actions, I went months without feeling any depression. No Anxiety. I got this beat................uhhhhh nope. The next time I decided to not jump in the trap, I was really depressed and short with all humans. I found myself not liking even the sound of people talking. I wanted everyone to SHUT UP. My fuse was short and for the most part I was mad that I could not have a "Fix" ..
Now, knowing that I will feel depressed without my "Fix" I got to live in the moment and know it will pass. For some reason, I am still annoyed with the sound of people talking. Wow, Did I just write that out loud?
OH and when I did set at that machine after not sitting there for months, I felt sick. I stayed sick. Phone rang and I had to ignore it, Uggg more sick feelings. Is sitting a machine worth feeling sick? NO!

I am in my fifth month of being gamble free. My depression has been all over the place - up, down & sideways. My lows have not been terrible. So far, I've been able to re-surface from them on my own. I've talked with my medical doctor about it. She wants to know if that changes but agrees that I need time to even out from the changes I'm going through. I don't like the chaos but it's better than the alternative. From what I've been reading/learning, it may take a year or two to feel stable. I'm okay with that. I'm looking at it as if I'm recovering from an illness. I suppose I am.

Take extra good care of yourself. It helps.

Yes, we are recovering from an illness. Our brains have literally been saturated with dopamine. A feel good substance that our bodies make. But when compulsive gamblers are in "action" our brains get like 100 times more of this than it would normally release. All gambling has this effect but video poker/slot line games where designed with the help of psychologists to make them as addictive as possible. Withdrawal symptoms set in when we are not giving our brain so much dopamine. (We are physically addicted to a substance.)
Many compulsive gamblers have done damage to their kidneys and livers just from not eating and hydrating themselves properly while in action. The stress that we live under and compulsive gambling makes worse is hard on our hearts. Many of us do not survive. There is a high incidence of suicide, I came close to that.
I believe I have always been moderately depressed and gambling made it feel better in the short run. But not in the long run. Most people I have talked to have had mood swings, and increased depression for three to four months after quitting.
I have learned to manage my depression by being tuned in to how I am feeling and trying to be nurturing to myself.
My anxiety was through the roof and depression was bad when I first quit. One of my sisters gave me lots of art supplies and I learned that art really relieves the anxiety - you do not need to be artistic, finger painting, collages, coloring, scribbling, or anything creative. Dancing, hiking, biking, walking, anything physical also helps both anxiety and depression. It is the last thing I want to do when I am feeling depressed, but I find if I make myself do it, it helps. I understand exercise helps your brain release dopamine in small doses and is part of why it make us feel better.
At somewhere between 90 and 120 days (3-4 months) i began to feel markedly better. I went to counselor, education group, support group, GA, read books, wrote journal, kept gratitude diary, revived numerous hobbies, I had to do everything I could every day to quit gambling. I am 15 months GF today, I still go to support group, see counselor when needed and work toward still must guard my abstinence and tend to my depression with vigilance and love, one day at a time.
You can get through this, hugs.

I want you all to know how much your advice and openness mean to me. I tend to be a loner, and reading your words makes me feel less alone. Love, strength and peace to all of you.

Dear Sheila56 -
Take your time with this process - my Dad's favorite saying was "Rome wasn't built in a day!" He was so right - love yourself, be patient with yourself, and by all means take the time to examine what drives your addiction in a non-judgmental way. Read all that you can (Marilyn Lancelot was very helpful for me) and speak with a professional if you need to. Gambling on my phone for free helps me - don't know if it's for everyone but for me it's just a way to relax for a while without spending a dime! :)

Thank you VegasDoll. I just recently got a smart phone and it does have a slot machine. I find that it helps me also. I will check out Marilyn Lancelot and I thank you for the recommendations. Take care.

Not to rain on anyone's parade but gambling is gambling for money or for free. I could go online and play poker all day for free but know the triggers it could cause. I never really played machines but would think hitting a couple of fake jackpots could trigger a relapse. Is it really worth the chance? I am not trying to judge anyone, just offering my opinion. Besides a addiction to poker was a huge sports bettor but do not even look at the betting lines now. The instant I do I will pick the game in my mind and bet the game for free. Another trigger if I happen to win a few in a row. Not worth the chance to start the hell all over again. Gone too far to mess up this time and have NO more recoveries left in me. This is not a game,or a app,but a deadly addiction that will rob you of your sanity,your joy in life,or wish you were dead. Fight for your life and protect your days clean by clear thinking and healthy living.

Please stay the course!

I thought I was going crazy during the first few months. I couldn't concentrate, I had anxiety attacks, and would cry for no reason. It happens as we detox from the dopamine.

I can also tell you that it will get better. Keep filling your time with healing activities - reading, exercising, setting goals. Focus on digging down deep and understanding what led you to seek release in gambling. You will be surprised to learn that your gambling is not really about money.

Whatever you do, make a conscious effort to continue placing roadblocks in your path back to gambling. Keep piling them up and they will work when you need them. If you struggle with urges to gamble, if you give yourself a little time, they will pass. This is why the roadblocks are important. They give you a little time to ride it out.

Stay strong.