Ok when You say Square one-how long have you been off gambling? Do you attend a group or therapist? Why have you access to so much cash? Can you not hand over control of your finances to a trusted friend?

Give yourself credit for the times you didnt gamble

Been there. Here's the thing: when we're in action, we aren't thinking rationally, so figuring out the "why" is pretty much impossible. First, we have to do whatever it takes to get enough clean time--one day at a time--so our brains can start to heal. You say that you don't know what else to do to stop the addiction. I know it feels like that, and here are some things you can do today to make a start: Call the Nat'l Gambling Helpline 1-800-522-4700 and just talk to a judgment-free human. Cut up the credit cards. Give your money and/or ID to someone to hold for you. Over the next few days, some other things you can do: self-exclude from the casino(s). call your bank and lower the limit on your debit card, find some GA, AA, whatever A meetings in your area so have safe places to go where you're surrounded by people who understand. Read through posts from Qwit4Good and others on this site that have excellent specific ideas that can help. Eventually as you start to feel better, you'll be able to start figuring out the "why". Above all, be kind to yourself and know that you're not alone in this battle.

Rock bottom came for me after many attempts to get quit. Rock bottom included constant gambling - I was either gambling, thinking about gambling or scrambling to cover gambling losses for all of my waking hours for most of my last 5 years of gambling.

I was emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially bankrupt, facing prison and suicidal, when I sought help. Treatment and GA was finally taken seriously as a heart attack and I decided to fight for abstinence like I was fighting for my life. After four+ years of abstinence I still hear that voice that urges me to go gamble occasionally. When I hear it I know I have something to deal with.....I think, what is going on? Am I not feeling appreciated? Am I HALT? (Hungry, angry, lonely or tired; for those who are unaware, the four most common triggers.) Do I need to eat, scream, talk to someone, sleep, exercise, pamper myself, do artwork, meditate, or pray? In my early days I would guess at what was the best thing to do when I had a given feeling but it gets easier with practice and more effective.

It is also easier to turn my thoughts around if I catch myself right away - the longer I dwell on the idea that gambling is a good idea the more likely it is to become an urge... It is far easier to stop this crazy-train if I do it before it is hurtling down the track at full speed.
Addiction cycle: idea or thought to engage in addiction---->urge to engage in addiction--->plan to engage in addiction----> engaging in addiction---->reality strikes with remorse---->repeat----->repeat---->repeat
It is near impossible to intervene in behavior once you have gotten to the plan stage - it is difficult at best once you have a full-blown urge - the best time to stop ourselves in the cycle is at the first thought that gambling might be a good thing to do.
It helped me to get quit to examine my beliefs around gambling and around quitting gambling.
Namely, I had the FALSE belief that I could get ahead by gambling. (That may be true for a professional gambler that is not compulsive but that is NOT ME.)
I had the FALSE belief that gambling was harmless fun. I now know that it is harmful and NOT fun, for me.
I had the FALSE belief that I did not deserve a better life.
Once I changed the beliefs I was able to change my behavior.
You can do this.

Rock Bottom. What is it? What does it mean?

Hi, I’m Robin, and I’m an addict who can’t control myself once I start gambling. I’m a complusive gambler who chooses to no longer participate in the game. I quit.

My Rock Bottom was insanity full of self hatred. Sometimes I wonder what came first, my gambling addiction or my insanity, aka the chicken or the egg, which came first? Does it really matter? My self hatred was also the driving force that led to a suicide attempt and a very long week in a psychiatric clinic that didn’t get better because I was released. I left that clinic feeling dead. And I gambled some more. That was my rock bottom. The psychiatric stay was horrible, I knew I was there for a reason but I wasn’t aware of what it could possibly be. Rock Bottom. I was paranoid. I was hopeless. Looking back it’s easy to see the insanity/chicken came first, of course it did. Gambling is just another form of self hatred for me, insanity loves self hatred.
When something hurts, and you keep avoiding it by doing something that hurts even more, it can become a vicious cycle, even an addiction. Self harming can become an addiction. Gambling hurts me.
Um, I didn’t mean to write about my pain. But I’m not going to delete it. Why? Because rock bottom was then, and today I am twenty three months clean without placing a bet, and that feels good.
Please don’t think rock bottoms can be compared, they cannot be. I’m alive, I might be insane, but it sure doesn’t feel like it today. I can change the way I feel about myself. I’m strong.
Today I will not gamble