Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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well so much for doing well

Roxxxy26
Roxxxy26
Well a relapse occurred last night .....to much stress at home sent me right into a self-detructive tail-spin.. As I write this I cry tears of shame, reget and all those old ugly feelings...well I tried the old I'll just try a $100 which was great for a while ...I got up $200 ....did I walk with it ...nope and of course not I lost all of it plus my bill money...I work so hard all week and it pains me to have no money...I think I know why I am doing this now though ...I have a boyfriend that is very inverted...I have a real out going personality...I like to to have conversations...he doesnt ever really talk to me and our relationship suffers extremely from this...I was in a marriage for 20 years that me and my husband talked all the time...lets just say we were better friends than partners...but I miss that...So when i go to the casino and play with other people that makes me feel alive..I dont know how to replace that...needless to say that isnt the only thing we are lacking in our relationship..the intimacy is not there at all.. not due to me not wanting it..it seems as though my boyfriend only cares about food and sleep when he is home from work...I have tried everything in my power to get him to understand what I am needing but he just doesnt get it ....so I live with this person that i have no connection with...I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years ..can i live like this for the rest of my life? I truely dont know...Now he is very upset with me about the relapse..and wont even talk to me..I am the one in debt not him...he gives me money every week to help with the bills and for the most part they are all getting paid.. he has nothing in his name...everything is in my name...I know it seems like I am just making excuses...but I really need to figure out why this behavior started and why I continue to feel this way...like I said I didnt start gambling until 4 years ago...I wish I would have never started..thanks for listening all....god bless you all
4 years ago...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Aww Roxxy, I feel bad for you. I know just how it feels when you walk out of the place and not only did you not stick to your "plan" you went overboard as well. Has happened to me more than I can say.
Just dust yourself off and try again. All you can do. But don't be down on yourself. It HAPPENS.
You know you have an issue, you are trying to deal with the issue so just see if there is more help available for you. Vent anytime you want, we are here for you.
Hugs!
Roxxxy26
Roxxxy26
Thx win...I really appreciate you listening...I try to get across to my boyfriend about this sickness and he just doesnt understand..I am trying so hard to do everything right ..but it just seems like it does no good at times...and I know thats just a feeling and it will go away ...like an urge...I feel sometimes that going to the casino is my reward for working hard....which is so stupid if you think about it...work hard ...go to the casino just to lose everything you just worked so hard for ...it makes no sense...but your right win I am gonna have to dust myself off and really stick to my guns and not go ...I am getting a newer car today with no money down and now ill have a car payment and my insurace is gonna be outrageous..cuz i got that teenage boy on it so I need to buckle down..I gotta get those darn payday loans pd off too ...I gotta alot to figure out ..but I sure do appreciate this site and everyone on here....thanx again for listening...god bless
atticus63
atticus63
R26. Hey girl, you have slipped, but the only shame in that would be if you didn't get back up. I feel the deep longing in you to be done with gambling -the heartaches, the tears, the self-loathing. I know, with every fiber of my being that you can be successful. I am just wondering from your post -why do you stay with your boyfriend? This relationship seems to only be causing you heartache. A healthy relationship, even though it has its challenges, is supposed to be emotionally fulfilling. Your partner is there to be just that, a partner. Are you afraid of being alone?
Please, please realize that your life can be so much more. Stepping out of a comfort zone is scary, but staying there can kill your spirit. Please Roxxxy give yourself a chance. Love ya, ~atticus
Vicky39
Vicky39
Atticus is right. I couldn't say better.
Roxxy, you are strong, smart woman and you deep down in your soul you know what to do and what is better for you/your life/your well being. Do something different this time. You can do it!
As of intimacy problems, P-boost works magic and that what we use with my husband for last 4 years. Sold only on internet.
The rest..... did you try counseling? At least few sessions, to kind of figure out where you are at your life, couple advices.
Keep working on your recovery! Don't let yourself slip deeper because of this one time.
I am here for you, Vicky.
tagg20
tagg20
Roxxxxxxy,

I feel your pain and wish I could take it away from you. But please, have no shame for as Atticus said, and I too, concur....with every fiber of my being I know you desperately want to kick this bastardly addiction to the curb. The proof's in the pudding, cuz you came right back "home"...here to your family, who completely understand all the challenges this addictionthriws in our face.

Hold your head up high lady, dig down deep, stand toe-to-toe, nose-to-nose with this F_ _KING addiction and proclaim loud and clear:

YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME DOWN!!!! I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!!

As for your personal relationship, you must have peeked in my diary lol. The one thing I have learned throughout my GF journey is this-yes, as compulsive gamblers we are very, very selfish! But in the midst of our recovery, we have to be 3x as selfish making sure we are taking care of ourselves , before we can ever begin to take care of other peoples needs. Yes, It tough wrapping your head around this, but it is soo true....I'm finally, after 6+ month GF, grasping the concept.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Any way you slice it Roxxxy-you'll always rock in my eyes.

Time to saddle up again and forge ahead, lady.....we're with you all the way!

Love, Tagg
Roxxxy26
Roxxxy26
thank you all SO very much for the responses and all the the kind words...I am going to take the advice of everyone of you ...I am going to get back up and start over again ...I just went and purchesed a car so there really is no more room for screwing up ..I really gotta get those darn payday loans paid off...I have only been paying the interest only ..well 1 step at a time ...
Thanks again all for all your support
god bless all
Roxxxy26