Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Love, love, love reading all the posts. ALL of them. I was thinking on my way to work today, when I placed a bet, I started at the tiny tables, which progressively grew into the "high stakes" tables. I would have different colored chips in front of me, depending the the amount of the table bet, and it was always so easy for me to throw in the chips when playing / placing a bet, either against the dealer or the players. I remember several times, looking at a stack someone would have, and counting in my head how much $ they had in front of them, and thinking "okay, I just need to build by stack up that much, to win my money back." I did leave with money, many times, but the amount I have lost over the last 10 years is much, much more than the winnings. Its the big winnings, and the fact that I thought I was so "good at poker" that kept me going back, but towards the end, I felt like I drank too much wine, I ate too much cake, I smoked to much, and felt grossed out about taking another drink of the wine, eating another bit of the cake, or taking another drag of the smoke. I would have a few hundred in front of me, and get so frustrated, that I would take the chip stack, (small for a few hundred) and push all in, reckless, even during my addiction. They were not just different colored chips, it was about power, control, and the need to overdose on my addiction. I think I overdosed. I remember going to sleep the last time I went out, and my chest hurt, cramping in my chest, and I closed my eyes, hugged my dog, and thought, God, if I die.,,,, I die. I had physically exhausted my body, my mind, my soul. Today, I see, they were not just CHIPS, I don't want to die, and if I choose to go and place a bet, that one bet can push my past just an overdose, it can push my past being able to survive, to live a happy, fully life. Today, I will not place a bet. xoxoxox
I too believed I was an expert at blackjack. There hasn't been many times that I didn't win. But, it's the attitude, what the h*ll, now I am playing with their money, and it's only been an hour. The money never was a real object of this. No amount of money is enough and No amount of money can fill the needs of continuing.
It's just a chips....
Love,
Victoria
I did the same thing but it was on the slots. After a large win I would start betting bigger and recklessly. All I wanted was to see if I could win really big. My heart would beat faster and harder and my face and neck would get hot and flush. I was numb and I didn't care about the money. It wasn't real anymore. I was on a huge dopamine high! That is the addiction! When the money was gone it was a huge let down but also a relief. This is the reason why it's not safe for me to gamble ever again! I am an addict.