Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
This is my first post. I am 56 & have been widowed for 2 years. Was married over 31 years and had a great life. Never gambled; drank very little. Led a responsible life including being a church treasurer for over 20 years. I went to a casino the first time with a guy I met about a year and a half ago. I eventually started playing slots & got hooked. I have lost all my savings and now owe about 30 grand. I was debt free since I paid everything off with my husbands life insurance. I would just get to drinking and gambling and lose what I won. Recently I won about $1100 and managed to hold on to it overnight. I had met my boyfriend in another state. But on the way home I went out of the way to another casino planning to spend only $125. Wound up losing it all plus $200 more. I have three vehicles one of which my daughter is driving. I have borrowed against 2 of them. I am now afraid. How did I get so far off track in a year and how do I resolve this gambling compulsion? I have purposed in my heart to quit. I sm truly ashamed and remorseful. I just don't know how I will get out of this financial mess. Please pray!!
We are glad to welcome you to our DS "Home". The first thing I would like to ask you to do is to let go of the shame and remorse. Goodness knows, it's easier said than done, and it took me quite some time to forgive myself. But the sooner you can let go of these horrible feelings, the better off you will be with understanding the nature of this disease, and the progressive devastation that it leaves in it's wake...if it is not arrested.
While reading your post, I noticed you used the term. "...HAD a good life.". I'm sorry for the loss of your husband, and I feel certain that after 31 years, you must have experienced a tremendous void in your life, without him. Many professionals agree that compulsive gambling is an emotional/mental illness, one in which we are trying to fill a void in some other aspect of our lives. The loss you suffered could definitely be a contributing factor to the "uncharacteristic" behavior you find yourself displaying of late.
The resolve to quit is a good place to start. You can still continue to HAVE a good life and be the responsible person that I know you are. But, if you continue to gamble, digging the financial hole deeper, and deeper, you are just prolonging the opportunity to re-establish that foundation that once defined the real you.
We have all been where you are right now, so we completely understand the complexity and bizarreness of all the emotions that are racking your brain. Just remember, you are a good person, you're not stupid and most importantly, you are not alone.
Some people choose to participate in GA meetings, and I have found these to be immensely helpful, despite the initial shame and mortification I felt going to my first meeting. I was worried sick that I would be judged...I was certain that No one would understand, because God knows I certainly didn't. How could I possible expect perfect strangers to be sympathetic to my plight?
Fortunately, to my surprise, following that first meeting, I never felt so loved by people I have never met before! This site too, operates the same way...we are a family of brothers and sisters, sight unseen, who genuinely care about each other. We laugh, we cry together. Sometimes we agree to disagree...but, we are in it together, and we support one another.
The more time you spend away from the casino, the more time you spend sharing your thoughts with people who do understand the
plight of this insidious disease, the better you will begin to feel about who you are and what you need to do to arrest this addiction.
Please come back, my friend and we'll make the journey with you. Please give consideration to attending a GA meeting....I am certain you will not regret it. If there is anything we can do to help, we are just a post away.
I will keep you in my prayers...be well, forgive yourself, and let's get this road trip started, okay.
Thoughtfully, Tagg