My counselor and I as well as my education group have done work on the concept of our relationship with money. Every one is different so there was a questionnaire that was used to explore our feelings about money.
One of my feelings about money was that I hated it. (gambling was a perfect way to get rid of it)
However, education group leader/counselor pointed out that money does not respond, has no feelings - the idea that we have a relationship with money false, we do not have relationships with inanimate objects - the feelings we have about money are likely to do with our relationship with our selves.
It gave me pause and made me ponder that. As I change my attitudes about myself and start doing more self care I think I will decide that I deserve to have vacations,nice things, love, friends, and fun. I realize I can't get them by gambling.

thank you Quit4good that was an insightful answer.

So happy to see you back. Hang in there, and please keep posting.

Welcome back Sabine!!!!! :-).

welcome back, dear friend! sounds like you've had enough. all of us have had to reach certain points where we say enough is enough!

I've wondered about the money thing, too.

I think self-sabbotage is tied up in that as well.

whatever the reason(s) we've gambled, I"m just grateful for another chance to live life free of gambling.

we look forward to hearing more from you. thanks for sharing so honestly!

For me, we grew up poor, and it seems like i have had money struggles all my adult life. I always have a fear of not having money, and not being able to pay for my needs. I get extremely anxious when I don't have money. However, the more I look at myself and the way I have functioned during my life, I think I am immature with money. Possibly because we didn't have much I didn't learn how to manage money?

Or because I am obsessive compulsive? For example, if there is a sale on canned vegetables, I buy way more than I need so I can stock up at the cheaper price. But then I can't buy all of the other groceries I need because I spent it all on cans of vegetables we wont eat for months. Or, if I do get a little "extra" money, right away I want to go out and buy things for the kids, instead of saving it. Before I know it, the "extra" money is gone. So, I guess in a sense I am sabotaging myself like when I gambled. I have no clue how to live without pinching pennies to make ends meet. I have always wanted to be able to go month after month without worrying how to pay all the bills. Sure hope I can get better so I can do that!

I've missed you guys so much.
Honestly, I came here and read every other day but did not feel worthy of posting while I was still going to the casino at least 2-3 times a week.

=/

Hi Sabine, It's so good you came back! I have been absent lately too and I guess it's mostly because of my addiction to my addict son. How about that. I quit gambling but still have another addiction. I know I need to get back to working my program or I may have a big problem. I have had some urges and it scares the hell out of me.
Money is a big issue for me. I still have my cash card set at a 20 dollar limit and I am very glad I do. I never keep much cash at all because I'm really bad with money in general. It's something I need to work on so badly. It's almost like a phobia but I just can't deal with bills or banks or money at all even now when I have the money to pay them. It's such a struggle to get my life back on track. Like Qwit4Good said, and I agree completely that we ALL deserve to have vacations,nice things, love, friends and fun. Recovery is such hard work but it's worth it so we can have a chance to live the life we really want. Hugs & Love to Everyone! Cher

I'm so glad you came and kept up with the group! I did the same thing when I went back to it in August. I didn't feel it was right for me to post when I was going out as well. I know exactly what you mean. I think coming and reading is what help me from going over the edge. I could see the growth and positivity and the honesty and wanted that for myself. I just wasn't sure how to get back on track!

I am so happy you are back talking to us!!

I don't post much either but am usually here reading a few times a week. I wanted to chime in on the money thing and say that I feel the same way. I feel a sense of relief when I don't have any money in the bank. Looking at my bank account online, and seeing money sitting there, is a big trigger for me.
I don't think I hate money. I think that money is to me what a bottle of vodka is to an alcoholic. It's the thing I need to get me to the place (casino) that numbs me out. If I don't have it, I can't get there.
I can't have money available to me still.

I think like most any other support groups - you don't have to say anything and the only requirement to belong is the desire to stop the destructive behavior.

We are all aiming at progress not perfection.

I am glad that it was helpful for you while you were still gambling. It also says something about in the midst of self-destruction there was a part of you that cared about yourself.
Glad you are doing better.

So glad you're back!

Very interesting post! I feel the same way! I am a stay at home mom and my husband deposits $1000 in my account every 2 weeks. I actually asked him to give me $500 because i$1000 feels like the right amount to make me want to go to you know where...

It's so sad that the issues over lap like that and we can't just celebrate abundance or have money lying around to show we are saving for something special we want.

Hi Sabine I'm relatively new here but have read a lot of your posts and it's good that you're back. I was still gambling too when I first started reading so I did want to post either. About the money issue, I've always been a tight wad but not by choice. When I did get some extra money like a tax refund or bonus I would spend it on something "responsible" like a new roof or a furnace. I didn't take a trip or blow some of it on me, except maybe eat out or a few new clothes. I think that built up frustration in me somehow because when I gambled and it became more and more I would justify it in my head like, well that's the equivalent of a trip or something else like I deserved to spend it foolishly. And that would last for a day or so until my brain kicked back in and I realized I could have actually gone on a trip or bought a new comfy bed or something I really wanted. Of course now I'm still clipping coupons but that $100 dollar bill going in the feeder didn't represent anything except another "chance" to hit something. I will probably feel sick for a long time thinking about the money, especially while still not working. I can't wait to actually have money to spend on bills! It will be so exciting! Note to self and maybe others....enjoy spending on yourself once and awhile and don't feel guilty about it.