Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Day 107 in recovery. It was a day that started off with three nails in my back tire, a new tire later, late for a meeting, and family member issues. I realized tonight, that just because I'm not gambling anymore, the issues with "life" are still there.
I have been very protective of my recovery these last few months, but, in doing so, I have also not found my voice yet. Meaning, rather than get upset, or tell someone that I'm upset, I have been "stuffing" my emotions. When I was gambling, I was always over the top with my emotions, and that usually lead straight to the card room, so now, I'm ultra careful, not to "over-react to things, because I scare myself. Odd I know, but its true.
Tonight, I had to have a conversation with my daughter, that I thought was going well, I wasn't upset, I wasn't yelling, cursing, or over the top, but her reaction was the same as if I was over the top. Then it occurred to me, that I am not the only person that has to learn to deal with my "new" reaction to things, others that are in my life do as well.
My triggers are still there, but how I deal with them are different.
Yes, tires can get flat, family members can be a struggle, work can be a stress, but, the light came on in my car that warned me I had a bad tire, I was able to pull over and get it fixed, rather than have it blow up on the freeway; my daughter hugged me and told me she loved me, even though the conversation was tough, before, I would have left to the casino, and work, although stressful at times, pays my bills, and I get to work, rather than sit in the casino.
With that said, It was a tough day for me, I came home and went for a walk with my dogs and thought about my triggers, my running, my emotions, and realized, today, I'm walking my dogs, I'm not running.
For that I am grateful, life goes on, but the good news is, LIFE GOES ON.
Make it a good night my warriors. xoxoxox
I have been very protective of my recovery these last few months, but, in doing so, I have also not found my voice yet. Meaning, rather than get upset, or tell someone that I'm upset, I have been "stuffing" my emotions. When I was gambling, I was always over the top with my emotions, and that usually lead straight to the card room, so now, I'm ultra careful, not to "over-react to things, because I scare myself. Odd I know, but its true.
Tonight, I had to have a conversation with my daughter, that I thought was going well, I wasn't upset, I wasn't yelling, cursing, or over the top, but her reaction was the same as if I was over the top. Then it occurred to me, that I am not the only person that has to learn to deal with my "new" reaction to things, others that are in my life do as well.
My triggers are still there, but how I deal with them are different.
Yes, tires can get flat, family members can be a struggle, work can be a stress, but, the light came on in my car that warned me I had a bad tire, I was able to pull over and get it fixed, rather than have it blow up on the freeway; my daughter hugged me and told me she loved me, even though the conversation was tough, before, I would have left to the casino, and work, although stressful at times, pays my bills, and I get to work, rather than sit in the casino.
With that said, It was a tough day for me, I came home and went for a walk with my dogs and thought about my triggers, my running, my emotions, and realized, today, I'm walking my dogs, I'm not running.
For that I am grateful, life goes on, but the good news is, LIFE GOES ON.
Make it a good night my warriors. xoxoxox
Naynee
Kudos to you! And I totally get the life struggles! I was hit with a lot two weeks ago with 2 young friends passing away, my mom losing her job, another young friend of ours being diagnosed with brain tumor and my niece trying to kill herself. One good thing happened that same week though - my young boss/friend got out of the hospital and survived a life threatening illness and had a whole new outlook on life. He is still struggling at work and I am trying to pick up some slack, but we are making it. He knows of my addiction and trying to quit and he has a new goal - he can't drink alcohol or smoke anymore - 2 things he loved to do when we all went out. My goal is to help him focus on new activities in life! I almost feel like I have a calling. So when I have bad moments or life interruptions as I now call them, I try to think about some positive things I can do, which is hard because I feel like the negatives seem to outweigh the good. Like today, my husband and I want to purchase a recreational vehicle to run around in to the rivers and ski resorts (they are a little pricey) and together, we could pay the note on one, but until my stupid debt is gone, we have to wait :-( I hate this because it is unfair to him. I actually said to him, "well maybe you could go buy yourself a lotto ticket and win the money." That was a silly thought and I knew it because he doesn't gamble. Anyway, I will have bad days and things will come up causing me delays in paying debt such as things breaking on the truck or other miscellaneous expenses. I try not to let it get me down and I certainly don't blame him, but I feel he gets irritated with me and as they told me in GA, he has a right and I will have to accept it. I hurt him and will have to give him time to heal. I just want all the damage to go away immediately, but I am still struggling with the time it takes to fix all the damage financially and emotionally. I am getting better by abstaining and I am happier, but Lord knows, this is one heck of a battle! I just admire all of your posts Leapyear and continued fight in this battle! I am glad you are still staying positive as ever :=))
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