Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
this is weird......before I start my story...this is the THIRD TIME I am having to type it....DEVIL LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
Yesterday, a lady stops by my office trying to sell some jewelry she made. I let her know that I do not have any money on me thinking her prices were more than what I had. She asks how come I never have any money when she comes? ( REAAALLLLYYY????!!! I have never seen you before) She sets her inventory out in front of me and I see a pair I like the whole time she's asking are you sure you don't have any? I need to get home (an hr and half away) and need to get my son some things for camp. So I look in my wallet and had 5 ones. She starts thanking me and then I hear it.....I HAD $120 but I played it at the casino. I heard them say a machine was about to hit but I played the wrong one....I let her know I can relate. That I am 13 days gamble and casino free. She asks why? (LOL) I told her I was pretty bad sometimes spending my whole check. She acts surprised with my honesty then asks, "WHY DO WE DO IT??!!" If I only knew the answer....I let her know I need to be going to my eye apt and she follows me out. I light up a cig and she asks for one stating she don't smoke but just needs one...I see it.......the disgust she feels about what she has done and trying to rationalize it. As I get into my car, she says, You know my mom used to tell me I deserve to treat myself to gambling. That's where I get it, from my mom. It's ok if you take a little bit of your money in there and lose. Ummmm NO THANK YOU!!!!! I like being able to go to the store and purchase what is needed w/o stressing about the cost and having enough (for the purchase and throughout the week). As I drive off and wave, I wonder if that was the devil trying to tempt me.....guess i'll never know........
Yesterday, a lady stops by my office trying to sell some jewelry she made. I let her know that I do not have any money on me thinking her prices were more than what I had. She asks how come I never have any money when she comes? ( REAAALLLLYYY????!!! I have never seen you before) She sets her inventory out in front of me and I see a pair I like the whole time she's asking are you sure you don't have any? I need to get home (an hr and half away) and need to get my son some things for camp. So I look in my wallet and had 5 ones. She starts thanking me and then I hear it.....I HAD $120 but I played it at the casino. I heard them say a machine was about to hit but I played the wrong one....I let her know I can relate. That I am 13 days gamble and casino free. She asks why? (LOL) I told her I was pretty bad sometimes spending my whole check. She acts surprised with my honesty then asks, "WHY DO WE DO IT??!!" If I only knew the answer....I let her know I need to be going to my eye apt and she follows me out. I light up a cig and she asks for one stating she don't smoke but just needs one...I see it.......the disgust she feels about what she has done and trying to rationalize it. As I get into my car, she says, You know my mom used to tell me I deserve to treat myself to gambling. That's where I get it, from my mom. It's ok if you take a little bit of your money in there and lose. Ummmm NO THANK YOU!!!!! I like being able to go to the store and purchase what is needed w/o stressing about the cost and having enough (for the purchase and throughout the week). As I drive off and wave, I wonder if that was the devil trying to tempt me.....guess i'll never know........
Not a treat and I don't deserve it.
Mom's fault would be logical if I was three not when I am over 21.
Why we do it is that it is an addiction - the designers of gambling games have purposely made them that way.
I agree amerprin, that she was the mirror to remind you where you used to be. We need to stay in touch with our worst day gambling, that sick picture of myself putting those last dollars in when I didn't want to even be there, feeling ugly, ashamed and suicidal is part of what keeps me from returning.
No thanks. I am responsible and no one else. My reaction to what others have done to me is why I gamble, but it is MINE not theirs and today, as an adult, I have the power of choice.
I personally don't believe in dwelling on the bad I've done. I occasionally think about my last day gambling, but most of my recovery has been thinking about the positive things that have come in the time that I've not been gambling.
Why not dwell on the positive here? The reaction that you had..the "no" when the suggestion of gambling came up? Not for you...wave and move on, to bigger, better and more positive things?