Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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JohnnyZ36 05/13/2013

Hello everyone. I have been gamble and alcohol free for a few months. The last few weeks i have become quite complacent with my recovery. i havnt been on ds as much and that has been a mistake. i was at a party over the weekend and everyone was drinking so i decided to partake. Been mostly avoiding partys for that reason. Luckily i gave my mom my atm card early in the night. i was almost tempted to call her to get it back but it was mothers day and she would have looked at me with utmost disgrace. even before i drank i have been having these urges to return to the casino the last few weeks. hard to even believe with all the misery that place has caused i would want to go back. Its almost like i need to go in and lose to remind myself why i should stay away. pretty twisted thinking thats for sure A few months is about the longest i have gone gamble free in decades. i now realize i must treat everyday like its day one. I have no desire to drink again after the feeling i had the next morning and i cannot chance the urge to gamble associated with alcohol. i cannot open the door any further or this will become full blown again. A few months really is a drop of water in the ocean. I must take recovery to the next level and not become complacent. Well thanks for reading everyone. Hope everyone staying strong Love ya all Johnny

deleted_user 05/14/2013

Hi Johnny, I think I am up to 12 days gamble free. But the first few days were so hard not to go... and the last few days the urges have eased alot. But today I got out of bed and felt low and fearful. It really scared me to have these kind of feelings and not know what to do with them. Time for me to work on my recovery like I was in the first few days. Cause if I have a slip it could be a very long time before I reach a place within myself that I become willing to surrender to the fact that I have an addiction and I cannot gamble in any way, shape or form. You are a strength on here and people like me, who have 12 days gf , appreciate and learn alot from you guys who have lengths of time up. Thanks

atticus63 05/14/2013

Hey JohnnyZ, This is a quote from your post -" i cannot open the door any further or this will become full blown again." -You hit the nail on the head there, my friend. I believe, (my opinion) that there is a HUGE difference between a lapse and a relapse, and what you had my friend, was a lapse. How I know is you are right back here, and ready to get back to work, and do what you need to do, to take care of yourself.
You make a good point about becoming complacent. I remind myself often that I must be vigilant, lest the beast be awakened and I have to fight off the monster urges. I often have little urges that are put down pretty quickly, but if I get the monster urges...it really is difficult. Like what Cherbear put in her journal. You want to go so bad you can taste it.
I commend you my friend, for jumping right back in the fight to save your life. We are fighting side by side, and, Buddy, I got your back. I know you got mine! Love you, Z-man. ~Estel

NoMoreOneTimers 05/14/2013

Hi Johnny,

Thank you for posting this. You took the words right out of my brain and the way I have been feeling lately. I have been VERY TEMPTED to gamble again lately almost to the point where you dont want to tell anyone in case you do end up gambling. Big warning sign. I know it's dumb, I know nothing good will come from the casino for me and I know I'll lose and yet I still want to go. It's so messed up. Having been quit for a few months I thought I was being overconfident in my quit and that brought on new addiction talk of "you got this licked...you can go once awhile and be allright...no one's gonna know". UGGGHHHH Definitely need to get REFOCUSED like it was Day 1 again like you said. I don't want to take that walk of broke shame hating myself out of the cursino to my car. NO NO NO

Big Hug,
Cathy

sglt71 05/14/2013

Johnny, when I feel like that I get out my workbooks (programs) and review them or complete them. The one that was the most challenging and helpful was Shawn and Drew's 21 Steps to stop gambling. It was expensive, but I must say it was worth every penny that I spent on it. I almost did not get it because of the expense. What is ironic is I would have very quickly taken the money to casino a few years back and spent it in an hour or two without even batting an eyelash. I had the same feeling as you about 3 months ago, and by doing the program that I mentioned, I am totally on track and refocused. Just by reading your post, I know that you are a strong person. Just tell yourself that over and over again. I always ask myself when I am feeling the need to go into a casino what my counselor suggested. I used to tell her that I missed going into the casinos. She asked me why? Did you miss losing all of your money, almost losing your house, lying, etc...? Now I replace the thought that I am missing going into the casino with why in the world would I want to go into a place that almost destroyed my life? I hope that my post helps. Take care.

lisadawnb 05/14/2013

Johnny,
Just try to remember the hell that your life was in when you came to ds. You have been a big help to me on my journey. I don't want to see you give up your 100+ days. I have been getting complacent too. I think about going but for the grace of God, I am still gamble free.
Hang in there Johnny. You can stay strong in this fight.
Love ya
Lisa

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