Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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This is what it feels like to "feel."

Leapyear22
Leapyear22
Today went by slowly for me, I tried to work, but because of what is happening with my daughter, I found myself in a deep sad place, probably one of the worst feelings of sadness I have ever felt. In the past, drama, or life would happen, and the passing of my best friend, my grandma happened, and I would run, to the card room / casino, and escape from my heartache, or my fear, or my anger, whatever the wind was blowing my way that day. I don't really think I have "felt" anything for a long, long time, unless you count the despair and disgust I had for myself have a few days out gambling. I am the one person in the family everyone counts on, I have always been the "fixer." I have always been the one that was successful, worked hard, and motivated others to be their very best. I raised my daughter alone, no help, her father left when she was 3 months old, and I loved every minute of it, I only wish I could blink, and go back to the simple days of the zoo, or looking in the rear view mirror seeing her fast asleep after a long day at the park. I can't do that today, I can't save her, anymore than I can save anyone else, although I will not stop trying, ever. Today, I didn't place a bet, 11 days and today I didn't place a bet. I came home, I fed my dogs, and I put my comfy clothes on and I just cried, an ugly cry too :) I'm not done crying, I know that, but, I'm not driving home from the casino, feeling like crap, and feeling guilty for my actions, tonight, I won't run, I will FEEL. Kind of sucks truth be told, but, the alternative, isn't an option. xoxoxoxox
thenewway
thenewway
Dearest Leapyear44,

Isn't it wonderful to start to feel anything again,
the c - - - - - robs us of that to,
the ability to feel or think or act as we used to.

Savor your new found strength and feelings
and remember how they can't ever be found
in the throws of addiction.
You give all of that up when you gamble.
They take it all ........everything.....and then some.

Keep coming and sharing and posting your wonderful
and helpful and enlightening insights for us all.
thank you.
legolady
legolady
Leapyear--so sorry to hear about what you r going through. I wish I could take the pain and heartache away with the wave of a wand. Life has its up and its down. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do things differently too.

From one mother to another.. just know that you have done your best and the rest is up to god.

I will say a prayer for you and your daughter.
Cherbear2012
Cherbear2012
Dear Leapyear, Your post really hits home for me. My 21 year old son is driving me crazy too. You can read some of my story in my about me. It just keeps going on and on but since I started going to Al-Anon I can't believe how much better I feel. The people there really care and I can relate to them in so many ways. I also belong to the friends and families of addicts support group right here on Daily Strength. I don't know what you are going through with your daughter but feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener. I just dropped my son off tonight and he totally drives me nuts. He was my trigger and now I am finding ways to let go. I can't run away to gamble my troubles away. It only made things worse in the end. The only thing it was good for was making me feel numb. Like you said, We have to feel what is happening in life good or bad and that is very hard at times. But, the way we react to it is the key. I'm learning in Al-Anon some better ways to live and to love my son but not his addiction. Oh, I guess now he's coming back here tonight. Just great. Well I'll be fine I just need to (stop, look, and listen.) Something I learned recently. I love my son dearly and I wish I could make him listen to me. I know now that I can't fix him. I can only take care of myself. I hope you are ok Leapyear. Keep posting and taking care of yourself. Hugs! Cher
pennyluv
pennyluv
I am here tonight after being gone a long time. I commend you for keeping yourself away from IT and I hope some of the burden you are carrying will lift. I am a fixer, as well. It's a lot of pressure keeping that up :-). I don't know about you but I'm getting very tired of it. I hope you can and will do something nice for yourself tomorrow. Stay well. ((()))
stopat56
stopat56
my heart goes out to you for your pain.................however, I'm proud of you that you are allowing yourself to feel................ most of us have gone through something with our adult children. another thing a few of us may have in common is the 'fix-it' one in the family. and fix-it's would take the 'fix-it's to the casino, and try to fix the machine since we couldn't fix what was bothering us. amazing.

it is better to find different ways to cope like you're doing. I will be praying for the situation with your daughter, too. sometimes that is all we can do, pray for them, and take care of ourselves so we can be there for them if/when they come to us. pat yourself on the back for your 11 days...especially during this 'test'....
victoria2014
victoria2014
Leapyear22,
just know that we are thinking of you. This too will pass. Your higher power is with you carrying you through this dark moments. Hang in there. Everything is going to be ok... I promise.

love,
victoria
Charmed2014
Charmed2014
hugggs

i myself am in misery..

i am alone here :( no family. i feel so alone and lonely..
strangeseraphim
strangeseraphim
It's apparent from all you have shared that you are a strong woman. I am sorry for your pain but applaud you for allowing yourself to feel the full weight of your sorrow and concerns.
Keep leaning on us here as we do with one another. We will help you carry your load the best we can with soft words, and genuine caring and support. I would not be without DS and the good folk here and am glad you have joined us.
Sabine
lisadawnb
lisadawnb
I don't know what you're going thru with your daughter, but I have been worrying about my 26 year old son who is an addict. He lives 2000 miles away. I worry about him constantly.
Even though it sucks to finally have to feel actual feelings instead of hiding from them, it is what's best for you right now. I've always been told that crying is cleansing the soul.
Here's to our Day 11.
Love,
Lisa
Rsmithma
Rsmithma
When we cry, we feel..... It is only then can we begin to heal! Let it all out!
new55
new55
Dear Leapyear - I so hear and can relate to the pain you are feeling with your daughter. Our 18 year old son has been the source of so much concern, sadness, and a deep feeling that I have failed him. I also know what a special bond it is with your one and only daughter. If you can help it, please keep yourself from going! I also know from experience that going to escape those feelings you are feeling, will only lead to disaster and just compound what you are feeling right now! I will say prayers for you! Stay strong!!!