Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
WE are all at different places in our recovery. Some are newcomers, some are old timers. In the meeting i was in today we discussed this.
What are the twelve spiritual principals, and how do they work within the twelve steps? Generally we allow anyone to share anything in meetings. So, if what is going on with you takes you off topic feel free to share anyway however, if you have some time in recovery please share what you have learned for me and for all those who are still suffering.
Just as a reminder, here are the 12 spiritual principals of recovery.
acceptance, hope, faith, courage, honesty, patience, humility, willingness, brotherly-love, integrity, self-discipline, and service.
please share your experiences with any or all of these, I will go first as an example. Thanks for participating even if its only to read.
Acceptance ties in with humility and honesty willingness and self discipline for me personally. Me? well ya my gambling was out of control but how could i be powerless over it? Wasn't it my hands doing the gambling? My mind and body and abilities that brought me to a machine or casino or where ever it was that I practiced my addiction? Admitting I was powerless over gambling for me meant i was powerless over my own mind, and hands and thinking.
I remember sitting in my first meeting so many years ago. I listened, and it just sounded like a bunch of bull shit. What difference does it make if i admit i am powerless or not? How could any of this junk, people sitting around talking? How is that going to help me to stop gambling every dime I earned every week, week after week month after month. I really had no idea how sick I was, nor did I have any idea how long it would take me to be honest with myself, and realize how arrogant I was, and just how sick and powerless I really was.
We call it stinking thinking. Personally, I was trained in stinking thinking from 4 years old. Eventually I ran into this step that said, "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could RESTORE us to a normal way of thinking and living." I have to re write that step for my program of self care because, restoration is about bring back what was. I had zero "normal" zero "healthy" zero instruction on self care.
I dont like the word "normal" either. So for me this step is, "came to believe that a power greater than myself, could lead me through a process of recovery, and provide me with a healthy of practicing self care."
as for being honest, well truth is I dont have the support I need. Oh i have phone lists, i have people that lean on me regularly but most of them see my clean time. No, i am really not at risk for going back gambling. If i even think of gambling...(which i havent for years) I know this is a fact: "nothing is so bad that I can not make it much worse by placing a bet." I also know, for years now I have found this place where I am comfortable with who i am, only BECAUSE I have put effort into no longer practicing self destruction, because when I self destruct I not only harm myself, but also many many others. Life has handed me struggles, thats ok. I can manage them as long as I do not practice any of my addictions.
I am powerless over gambling, only if i put myself in front of a machine, or think for 1 second I could gamble and maintain control. Today my thinking is clear, even panicked, messy and traumatized and maybe especially when i am struggling because life is messy. I am very very good at destroying myself and others, being hurtful or wicked beyond what i need to say here. I do not need to practice that, i actually hated all of that, it just happened to be all I used to know.
I practice self care because I need to. No way i could practice it enough. Thats what i am doing writing this. Today I have to build a wall. Literally. My roof was damaged and front wall broken by a hurricane called Delta two years ago. The roof just got fixed. I am recovering from heart surgery so, though not fixed, for the first time in two years I can actually do something physical, even if its only three minutes at a time. If i were young and healthy, this wall might take an hour or two. It might take me a few days or a week now. but it hardly maters how long it takes as long as i can get it done, which I can. progress not perfection.
If you can relate to anything i have said, pick it up and take it with you, if not, leave it on the page. recovery is about principals not personalities. I understand how insidious our disease is.
I did not get a single day clean on my own. "I gambled, WE stay clean." If you are reading this and are still gambling out of control, you are not alone unless you choose to be. there is no way out, but there is a way through. I was 23 when i made my first meeting. I am 59 now. Last day I gambled was Nov 25th, 2003.
another truth is: I have been complacent in my own recovery. this is not one of the spiritual principals. Its just me practicing addictive behaviors, again, really good at anything that is self destructive. What woke me the fuck up was a combination of things. I should have woke up two years ago when i became suicidal after Delta and all her damage, (should have could have would have, all stinking thinking) see, 36 years into recovery, 23 years clean from gambling, but, just two years clean from suicidal fantasy, (just another escape I practiced far too long) Should have woke the fuck up when my sponsor told me i was putting myself at risk, damn near every time we talked the last two plus years. Complacency equals arrogance. Someone wrote something raw, it reminded me of my first meeting all those years ago. it reminded me just how sick I am.
I need to act like a newbie again, 30 meetings in 30 days, and possibly 90 meetings in 90 days. It will have to be on pc because there are only two physical meetings near me a week. Thanks for listening. I shut up now.