Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
In recovery, I am so much happier, than when I was in my addiction. I am finding myself, looking healthier, feeling much healthier, working out, walking every day, and coming to work with a smile, on my face and in my heart, without even realizing it.
But, here is the strange thing. This morning I put on a blouse that I haven't put on for sometime, and the instant I got in my car and started to head to my office, the "thought" not the action, but the "thought" of a card game flashed through my head, and I was wearing the same blouse. I remember wearing the same blouse when I had pulled an all nighter at the card room. I don't have the urge, not at all, but it was a very odd feeling. I then remembered once, when I was in the card room for a couple of days, I was wearing this comfy shirt, that I had always considered "good luck." I went into the bathroom, took it off and threw it in the trash in the bathroom at the casino, and changed into another shirt I had in my car. I hated the shirt and the fact that I had no "luck" wearing it.... how flipping crazy is that? In my addiction, I did some pretty crazy things, acted pretty insane. Today, I had a flashback, it was fleeting, but it was a subtle reminder of who I was when I was in my addiction.
So, today I came to my office and someone complimented me on my blouse lol. See, its not the blouse I said, its the person wearing it, and today, the person I see in the mirror, is happy and free. Phew.
Have a good weekend my sweet warriors.
But, here is the strange thing. This morning I put on a blouse that I haven't put on for sometime, and the instant I got in my car and started to head to my office, the "thought" not the action, but the "thought" of a card game flashed through my head, and I was wearing the same blouse. I remember wearing the same blouse when I had pulled an all nighter at the card room. I don't have the urge, not at all, but it was a very odd feeling. I then remembered once, when I was in the card room for a couple of days, I was wearing this comfy shirt, that I had always considered "good luck." I went into the bathroom, took it off and threw it in the trash in the bathroom at the casino, and changed into another shirt I had in my car. I hated the shirt and the fact that I had no "luck" wearing it.... how flipping crazy is that? In my addiction, I did some pretty crazy things, acted pretty insane. Today, I had a flashback, it was fleeting, but it was a subtle reminder of who I was when I was in my addiction.
So, today I came to my office and someone complimented me on my blouse lol. See, its not the blouse I said, its the person wearing it, and today, the person I see in the mirror, is happy and free. Phew.
Have a good weekend my sweet warriors.
Whew is right!!!! What a great share, all the while painful in some respects when we reflect back on some of the crazy behaviors that consumed us while active in our addiction.
As a CG, the saying "forgive and forget" doesn't work for me. Rather, "forgive and remember" is more appropriate and meaningful to me. Remembrance, even while sometimes painful, brings so much more comfort and joy, knowing TODAY I do not allow this type of clouded
judgement to reign and rule how I choose to live my life.
Thank you for sharing your story with us....and may I say, that blouse and who's inside it is absolutely beautiful!!!
Warm regards,
Tagg
Wow girl, look how far you've come!!
I also had things that i thought were lucky too. Its crazy how screwed up our thinking was when we were in action.
Sometimes something will remind me of the casino. For instance, one time as i was paying for something at a restaurant, the counting change back to me was like a flashback. It's weird how that can happen anytime or anywhere.
You wear that blouse like you own it!! Thanks for sharing.
XXXOOO Lisa
I wouldn't park on certain levels or certain aisles of the parking garage because I correlated them with bad experiences. There were certain ATM machines and cashiers I would use, the "lucky" ones. Sometimes if I got a bonus round while smoking I would light one up more frequently throughout that evening if I hit a dry patch thinking it would turn the tide.
There were even certain stools in front of slot machines I wouldn't sit at because they didn't have the right feel. I must have looked like a maniac, rearranging the seating, sometimes swapping half a dozen stools around until I found the right one.
Anything I could do that I believed would help with my imaginary karmic connection with gambling, I did. These days I realize it's just a machine. I still stand in amazement that got so drawn into the magical thinking.
Unbelievable the craziness that goes along with gambling. In no other aspect of my life had I ever behaved that way before.
what a crazy season in our lives. Thank God for a new season without that silliness. thanks for the post leapy!