49 days GF, but to be honest, last night on my way home from the vet, I had to go up a street that would have led me directly to the casino. I had planned in my head, to come back from the vet, drop the cat off and go back to the same street and head to the casino. Seriously, I literally had to talk myself out of it, and I used the tools I have been given, I thought to myself, I will go home and drop the cat off, and give myself some time, and if I still want to go, I will.

When I came home, I made a list of things I wanted to get done, last night and the rest of the weekend. Little things, projects, that will keep me busy. I woke up this morning, and was sooooo grateful I didn't act on my urge.

Being alone, all weekend, long weekend is so hard for me. I started the list this morning and have enough on the list to keep my mind busy. I have to admit, that I log on to this site, every day, and I am encouraged by the others that post, either their struggles with staying free of this addiction, or their relapse and their courage to come back. Either way, its my therapy, I see that going back out doesn't end well, and I see that so many have stayed GF for so long.

I get it, I get the struggles, and how hard it is to not go, I do, I get it.

This addiction is so controlling. In my head a I planned going, I had somewhat convinced myself that I was just going for a few hours, I was going to win and leave and then give the casino the "bird" as I walked out a winner. REALLY because I know that isn't how it works.

If I had gone, I wouldn't be home right now to enjoy this day, I would still be in the casino, lost and I'm sure destroyed. So for today I will work on my list, for today, I will remember, that no matter how much this fing addiction plays with my head, I will give IT the "bird." So grateful for this site and all of you. Off to do my list.