Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hello, new to this board and love the wealth of information on here.
I've been a recovering compulsive gambler since January 2011. Overall, it has been a wonderful journey for me, and I am grateful for all that I have been able to learn about myself through this process.
My partner at the time was wonderful in his support of me. That relationship has since ended, and I have started to date again. A couple of days ago, the topic of gambling came up with a new "potential" of mine. Fortunately, it seems that he is one of those people I love to hate, who are able to go into a casino with "what they can lose", and leave. I was able to simply respond to the comments he made with "I don't gamble", and that was that...for the moment.
But, it brought up a way bigger question in my mind, that I have not had to deal with in my time in recovery. How do I tackle the bigger issue? Not only do I not gamble....I WILL NOT gamble. I know, just from living my life, that some of the nicest people would simply not get involved with an "addict" in any way, shape or form. Heck....as hypocritical as it is....*I* would be very leery about doing it.
Any experiences with this issue? I have been thinking back on all of the people I have met and spoken with in meetings, and can't think of even one time that this issue came up.
I certainly don't want to lie about things, but I also don't want to drive this guy (or any guy) away needlessly.
Many thanks in advance for advice on this.
I've been a recovering compulsive gambler since January 2011. Overall, it has been a wonderful journey for me, and I am grateful for all that I have been able to learn about myself through this process.
My partner at the time was wonderful in his support of me. That relationship has since ended, and I have started to date again. A couple of days ago, the topic of gambling came up with a new "potential" of mine. Fortunately, it seems that he is one of those people I love to hate, who are able to go into a casino with "what they can lose", and leave. I was able to simply respond to the comments he made with "I don't gamble", and that was that...for the moment.
But, it brought up a way bigger question in my mind, that I have not had to deal with in my time in recovery. How do I tackle the bigger issue? Not only do I not gamble....I WILL NOT gamble. I know, just from living my life, that some of the nicest people would simply not get involved with an "addict" in any way, shape or form. Heck....as hypocritical as it is....*I* would be very leery about doing it.
Any experiences with this issue? I have been thinking back on all of the people I have met and spoken with in meetings, and can't think of even one time that this issue came up.
I certainly don't want to lie about things, but I also don't want to drive this guy (or any guy) away needlessly.
Many thanks in advance for advice on this.
I would say that honesty is your best answer. If he doesn't understand it then do you really want to be with him? Many people have addictions and you are one who is actually doing something about it. If you really do like him, then give him a chance. He should be supportive of you and if he is not, I would re-think the relationship.
Hugs! Cher
I do not smoke means I will not smoke
I do not drink...etc.
Just say you don't like it or you never won or whatever.
Honesty is the best way to serve you. I am sure you are not proud of your past but the fact is, it is a part of your life. If you feel that this partner is worthy of knowing your past and it nags you in anyway, it is the best to let him know. He should supports you in a way that will accomodate your needs if he is the one to keep.
For me, I know I can visit casinos, I have gambling friends, and I can even go with them without having urges to gamble because I know what gambling is like for me so I chose not to do them. Just because I dont gamble anymore does not mean I am cutting off my friend who gambles. And I will not ruined the party because what I chose to do.
Keep it simple does it, I can only speak for myself and I've lived long time with those troubling thoughts when I was gambling. I always felt like I am constantly hiding something from somebody and was unable to feel free and honest about myself and who I am, the good, bad and ugly.
Its all about what will make you feel most content and at peace. If its meant to be, it will happen.
Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts.
Love,
Victoria
Like you, Victoria, I have been into casinos over the past 3 plus years, and watched people play. If this guy (or anyone else) for that matter wanted to go, I would probably go with them-- though I would want them to know about my issues with gambling beforehand. (Not that I feel that I would necessarily be "tempted", I would just want them no know so there's no needless awkward moments...)
I was chatting with a local GA friend yesterday, and she suggested making it sort of "casual". Basically just saying something like "I got into trouble gambling, and I don't do it anymore". At this point, I don't think I need to get into all of the nitty-gritty, unless the conversation goes that way.
Trusting people has never been one of my strong suits-- but I am trying to work on it.
Thanks again for the comments, suggestions and support.
You are great!
Love,
Victoria