Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I am feeling very depressed lately, I need some help...
I have been fighting this gambling addiction for so long and can't beat it! I mentioned in my last post I have been doing some gambling and falling back into bad habits of thinking about gambling all the time which isnt healthy and just makes me want to do it more. I have gone a week now since my last bet but only because I have no money and I am already thinking about my next bet or trip to the casino!
The problem is that I was recently let go from yet another job, with no reason given to me, which was really a crushing blow. I have struggled to find a career for 10 yrs now since graduating from University with a business degree... I feel so hopeless, I feel so far below where I should be and expected to be but I have no idea why my career has never gotten off the ground. I have only had one or two jobs that lasted more than 6 months over the last 10 yrs. Every position I get seems to be a bad decision once I start, but I need to make money somehow so I take what I can get.
Now I am stuck working in a restaurant again, which is my fall back option, waiting tables, but this restaurant is horrible, its right beside 2 universities and its full of students who take advantage of "all you can eat" and then leave spare change as a tip... I can't live on this money, and it makes me want to gamble again so bad!!!
I also get very angry and depressed that my life has not turned out the way I want it to. I feel like I am still at the bottom of the cliff and cant find the first foothold to even get started, and the longer it takes me the harder it seems. Who wants to hire a 30 yr old man with a degree who has no depth of experience, who is still just "starting out"?
I feel like I am lost in a tunnel, and not only can I not see the end of the tunnel, I haven't even found a wall yet to know which way to start walking!!!
I keep writing down ideas - become a lawyer, get a job in a call centre, become a manager at a restaurant, do this, do that, work harder, look harder for more bookkeeping clients etc etc... but in the end I dont know what to do, and whatever I decide to pursue seems to work out all wrong. I have been to so many career counselling places in the last 10 yrs, in addition to my gambling counselling, and I have done the personality tests, and figured out all these wonderful things that I would like to do... but then there is always a lack of money, or I need to make money in the meantime, or there is always some reason that prevents me from getting anywhere. For example a few months ago I was considering taking a college course in HR for a year, a post-grad course to get into the HR field. It costs several thousand dollars, and although the work seems appealing and I think I would be happy working in HR, it seems too difficult to do, and so I have not even thought about it in like six months.
The worst part is that I hide my gambling from my wife... I do gamble a lot less because I have to make sure I dont lose too much money that she would notice, and I can only gamble certain times, but I am still afraid that she will find out.
I need some advice I guess, anything that might help. I have always wanted to write a book, or write books, or be an author or journalist because I love to write, but that also seems incredibly impossible, and so I have several books half started that I just haven't touched in a long time. One of the books is a story about my gambling addiction and how horrible it has been! Another book is advice on how to stop gambling... and yet I have trouble taking my own advice - because I am stubborn and dont want to be sensible, I still think I can beat the system - how can I be so stupid to think I can beat the system, after all these years and all these losses??? But it seems like gambling is the only thing that offers a slim ray of hope at all, and if I give that up i will have nothing left.
I have been fighting this gambling addiction for so long and can't beat it! I mentioned in my last post I have been doing some gambling and falling back into bad habits of thinking about gambling all the time which isnt healthy and just makes me want to do it more. I have gone a week now since my last bet but only because I have no money and I am already thinking about my next bet or trip to the casino!
The problem is that I was recently let go from yet another job, with no reason given to me, which was really a crushing blow. I have struggled to find a career for 10 yrs now since graduating from University with a business degree... I feel so hopeless, I feel so far below where I should be and expected to be but I have no idea why my career has never gotten off the ground. I have only had one or two jobs that lasted more than 6 months over the last 10 yrs. Every position I get seems to be a bad decision once I start, but I need to make money somehow so I take what I can get.
Now I am stuck working in a restaurant again, which is my fall back option, waiting tables, but this restaurant is horrible, its right beside 2 universities and its full of students who take advantage of "all you can eat" and then leave spare change as a tip... I can't live on this money, and it makes me want to gamble again so bad!!!
I also get very angry and depressed that my life has not turned out the way I want it to. I feel like I am still at the bottom of the cliff and cant find the first foothold to even get started, and the longer it takes me the harder it seems. Who wants to hire a 30 yr old man with a degree who has no depth of experience, who is still just "starting out"?
I feel like I am lost in a tunnel, and not only can I not see the end of the tunnel, I haven't even found a wall yet to know which way to start walking!!!
I keep writing down ideas - become a lawyer, get a job in a call centre, become a manager at a restaurant, do this, do that, work harder, look harder for more bookkeeping clients etc etc... but in the end I dont know what to do, and whatever I decide to pursue seems to work out all wrong. I have been to so many career counselling places in the last 10 yrs, in addition to my gambling counselling, and I have done the personality tests, and figured out all these wonderful things that I would like to do... but then there is always a lack of money, or I need to make money in the meantime, or there is always some reason that prevents me from getting anywhere. For example a few months ago I was considering taking a college course in HR for a year, a post-grad course to get into the HR field. It costs several thousand dollars, and although the work seems appealing and I think I would be happy working in HR, it seems too difficult to do, and so I have not even thought about it in like six months.
The worst part is that I hide my gambling from my wife... I do gamble a lot less because I have to make sure I dont lose too much money that she would notice, and I can only gamble certain times, but I am still afraid that she will find out.
I need some advice I guess, anything that might help. I have always wanted to write a book, or write books, or be an author or journalist because I love to write, but that also seems incredibly impossible, and so I have several books half started that I just haven't touched in a long time. One of the books is a story about my gambling addiction and how horrible it has been! Another book is advice on how to stop gambling... and yet I have trouble taking my own advice - because I am stubborn and dont want to be sensible, I still think I can beat the system - how can I be so stupid to think I can beat the system, after all these years and all these losses??? But it seems like gambling is the only thing that offers a slim ray of hope at all, and if I give that up i will have nothing left.
I do not believe that God measures our success on what we have achieved in a career. I believe it is about learning and growing in our relationship with God.
Seek the help from organizations that provide help to compulsive gamblers, focus on your relationship with God and your wife and I believe you will start winning in the things that really matter to God..:).
I'll pray for you.
Kenji
From the sound of your post, it seems like you are still trying to find out what your "calling" is in life. You have many ideas on where you think you want to go, but no idea on how to get there.
Let me see if I can help, I am in HR currently and love what I do, however I haven't always been in this line of work and it's taken me many years to work my way though until I found the 1 true job that I love.
You say in your blog that you have only lasted about 6 months at a job, you need to be honest with yourself and ask why that is. You have to take ownership, find out why you were let go, they should have given you a termination letter that states why. Even if you live in an "At Will" state, most companies give you the reason why they are letting you go.
You probably have been told many times that you have to work your way up and get the experience, then doors will open up for you. It's true, you can't expect to be a Manager right out of college with no real work experience. You have to earn your way up through hard work, and putting your self out there.
Pick 1 thing to focus on right now, either your book, job or going back to school. Don't try and do it all, it's too confusing and stressful, especially with a compulsive addiction, you would be just spinning your wheels.
If you choose work, look for an entry level job in the business field (your degree). Customize your resume and application to fit the job descriptions you are applying for. Do not just send a generic resume, nothing bothers me more than someone submitting an application and resume that has nothing to do with the job that they are applying for.
Once you are hired, take notes, work hard, be on time, volunteer to take on extra projects to learn. Put your self out there, let the managers and Execs know who you are, where you want to be, and how hard you are willing to work to get there.
Try to stay at a job for at least 3-5 years. Again, business don't want to see on your resume' that you have jumped from job to job frequently. Where is the loyalty there? If they are going to invest the time to hire and train you, then they want to make sure you are going to be around for a while.
If you do want to change careers, then do the research, talk to people in the field and get their take on the career, but again going back to school for a another career change isn't going to guarantee you a job in that field, business want to see experience.
I could go on in giving you advice, but I know you said you have been to several career coaches. The bottom line is you have to work hard, I mean really work hard and be willing to start at the bottom. You have to humble yourself and realize that there are no excuses.
Lastly, keep visiting this site, go to GA if you can, or some type of support group. It' hard enough to be out of work, let alone out of work with an addiction. Also, be honest with your wife, she can help you get through this don't try and do it by yourself.
Deb
Deb I am working on my resume right now, trying to customize it for a financial services giant in my city, for a position in customer service which I would love to get. I have many friends and aqcuaintances who work there, and I have tried to get in before but it is a very tough place to crack, for me it seems. But I am more than willing to start at the bottom and work hard, I just need that first foothold, to get the job!
but eastwester is right, every time I get my hopes up or my sights on something, when it doesnt happen I throw up my hands and say "I tried didnt I?"
every new disappointment seems to hurt more though, and I dont know how to succeed...
but there is some great advice there... change. I need to change myself, change my beliefs, change my attitude, i need to change so that i dont say "I will try" but "I will do"
I guess even if I do not get into this job or this place, if I keep working at it instead of taking the jobs that are easy to get, I will get myself to a better place eventually!
and that includes eliminating not just gambling but all thoughts of gambling, there is no hope there so erase it from my mind. it only sucks the motivation out of my efforts to do other things.
Everyone here has had great suggestions and input..
in collaboration.
fantastic. Inspiring just reading it!
When work isn't busy for me, I get down. I have certain expectations on what I need to make so my family can be comfortable. A lot of pressure. I realized that's one of the reasons i have turned to gambling. Disappointment, selfishness..and an escape.
Which, in turn, once I gambled..reinforced this.
So..I love what Eastwester posted..in conjunction with what Kenji and Paul posted. Working on your soul..healing..is just as important as working on the outside.
Many prayers!!
Sounds to me like God is your co-pilot, so you obviously need to swap seats.
Here is the thing. When we try to do things on our own, our way or the highway, and we know that we are not living right and that we are not doing things that are pleasing to the Lord, well, there you have it.
All of these feelings that you mention are nothing but FEAR AND NEGATIVITY AND EXCUSES. These three things are will definitely DESTROY you.
YOU have choices and you have options.
Choose to be honest, loyal, faithful, positive, good, dependable, reliable, and all of your options will come to you my friend.
Everything that has happened to you has happened for a reason. God has a plan for you, and he is guiding you towards true happiness my friend.
He brought you here, didn't he?
Enough said.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
mamabear21