Once we become compulsive about gambling is not about winning. Money is just the vehicle for the action. The action, the anticipation in each round of betting is what triggers dopamine to be released, which IS what it's about. It is about getting that feel good dopamine and flooding our brains with 100 times what we normally walk around with. It is likely your underlying addiction to dopamine that generating thoughts of the casino.
How was your worst day gambling? It is a good time to recall that memory. Maybe you need to write out a "goodbye" to gambling and remind yourself of all the reasons you quit 9 months ago. I imagine this 9 months has not been a walk in the park, what did you go through that for, just to start over? It is your inner addict that tells you, you could gamble just a little, or you deserve to gamble, that the chips will feel good in your hand or you aren't compulsive anymore and you've somehow been cured in 9 months. Don't listen to that voice, make a different voice.
You do not deserve to go back to that hell, find something else to do that you can enjoy and relax with, call a friend, go to a movie or the library, anything.

Thanks for your honesty about the thoughts you're having. Seems like those thoughts tend to get stronger just when we're reaching a milestone of "clean" time, such as your 9 months. 60 and 90 days were big ones for me. Qwit4Good has some great suggestions. In addition to finding some healthy distraction, I have learned that I have to talk back to those thoughts and debunk each one, otherwise they're too powerful. Be strong--you are worth it and we are with you.

Hello Arch,

Great job getting to the 9 month GF milestone...its a tremendous accomplishment. Quit4good hit the nail on the head...it's never about winning. How many times have we set out for a gambling excursion, a day of "relaxation" and told ourselves "I'm ONLY going to spend $200...I am going to limit myself to 2 trips to the ATM machine"?

Then, remember all the bleak rides home, thinking about those empty promises, and asking WHY? Why weren't we able to hold fast to those convictions? How will we eat, sleep, keep the roof over our heads until the next infusion of cash is available? For me, two weeks later, payday would bring about a sense of anticipation, excitement and "happiness"...and THIS time will be different!

I finally came to my senses that I was hitting the same freaking pot hole every time I traveled back to the "lion's den" for my day of relaxation! Trip after trip, filled with more empty promises and greater dispair. The realization (thank God) became crystal clear...I cannot expect a different outcome by continuing the same behavior!

You have done some amazing things to get where you are today, and NONE of them involved gambling! Keep your GF journey alive and well - look forward to embracing all the infinite, wonderful things you can do in life that don't involve you having to pay for continued pain and anguish.

Brush....no, SHOVE that bastardly addictive voice off your shoulder and say "hell no, I won't go"!!!! You've come too far to turn back now.

Sending you warm wishes of strength and GF convictions...you can do this.

Be well and stay strong,

Tagg

WOW. So, you are aware of it, and that is a good thing, but don't act on it. Trust me, nothing has changed in the last 9 months. Missing the chips in your hands, or the shuffle of the cards, the sounds of the card room, is part of the recovery journey, but remember, those chips in your hands are money, real money, not just chips. They aren't just chips, they are part of your addiction, nothing good will come from it. Replace your desire to go and gamble with something else for now, take on a project that will keep you busy if you can. For me, walking into a card room, to just play for a little while means, relapsing, and I'm not going to do that. I hope you don't either. Hang in there, and thanks for the post.