Hi Paddy, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. A 20k jackpot sent me into a spiral as well. All of those feelings and thoughts you described are feelings I’ve had. Such a horrible way to feel. Have you looked into any GA meetings in your area? They’ve helped me a lot, and many others here. I was so scared and ashamed to attend my first meeting but I was more scared of what was going to happen if I didn’t. I hope you can find some help and get feeling better for yourself and your little one. You’re worth it!

There are a lot of folks here with great advice and knowledge about this addiction. I just read read read and take notes. There is hope!!

Thank you I'm glad someone understands what I'm going through , I have just recently looked into GA meetings but they are pretty scarce where I live and only have one meeting a week usually when I have to work , i want to try to adjust my work schedule to be able to attend , I have never had a problem with addiction until this one that is tearing my mental health to shreds day by day , I know I can't do it alone as I believe I am now a compulsive gambler I will take your advice and attend my local GA a soon as possible to see if being around people with the same issue will be helpful and less embarrassing and degrading then talking with someone who has no idea how it feels

I think there are also some phone meetings, but I’m not sure of the times or numbers. Maybe someone will comment with that information.

Not sure where you live, but in my State they have addiction counseling for compulsive gamblers and you can meet with one for 60 free, or as I like to say “pre-paid” sessions. That’s been a good resource. I got that info from my GA meeting.
This addiction can hit anyone, yet it’s so hard to talk about it with someone who hasn’t experienced it or doesn’t think it’s real or understand.
You sound like you’re ready to quit and that’s the first step. You can do this; one day at a time.

Phone meeting
7 pm MST Wednesday
712 770 4160
Meeting code 611704#

I have been where you are too. Depressed, full of self-loathing and suicidal at times. This addiction is so subtle and so devastating, it has brought many of us to our knees and indeed ruined lives. Please call suicide prevention line if you feel that way again: 1-800-273-8255. You can also call 1-800-522-4700, the National Problem Gambling helpline (also 24/7) to find out what resources are available near you. In my state counseling is free for both gambler and loved ones. Some folks I know attend AA meetings where there is no GA meeting available and just switch it to gambling in their heads.
Consider fessing up to your wife and enlisting her help to handle the money for a while. Find ways to put some roadblocks between your gambling and your money. Finding other things to do, planning things to do when times are toughest to resist, such as paydays or Fridays will help.
For me it has been an addiction that has taken fighting it on multiple fronts, whole-heartedly, on every level, consistently. It is doable.

You realize you’re a complusive gambler, that’s good, now you can begin to change your behavior. Its always going to be difficult for me to talk to my husband about this addiction because he doesn’t understand it. But he believes me, and that’s what matters. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you my addiction hasn’t changed my marriage, it has. He knows it’s for the best that he handles the money, and I’m okay with that now, I’ll admit I wasn’t at first. I wanted him to trust me. He said “actions speak louder than words”, even that infuriated me because I knew it was true. That was approximately 15 yrs ago. And way back then I was able to stay clean for a few yrs, then I relapsed. I didn’t have to say anything, he knew. Like I said before, he doesn’t understand this addiction, but he understands me. Our marriage couldn’t work if we were unable to be honest with each other, the good, the bad and the addictions.