Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I have lost track of how many days I have been gamble free. It might be three months, possibly a little more. The difficult thing, still, for me is that for me gambling was at one point a special thing I did, just me, for myself that gave me that sense of anticipation, that rush of possibility, the little bit of excitement.
I have 2 boys, grown and semi out of the house (22 and 23, a 23 year old foster daughter.) a husband, a house, a yard, a very very demanding and fulfilling if not frustrating job in social work where I write programs, train staff and provide crisis management training for people with developmental disabilities. I am a supervisor to 56 people AND have an aging mom with alzheimers that I look in on and after on one day of the weekend (my siblings have other days) My life is full and rich and busy and one would think that I would not need any rushes or adrenaline or something as destructive as gambling.
The other truth is that I am suffering empty nest a little. I worry about my youngest son who appears to be better now but had trouble with cocaine use during his last breakup at 18-19. I am struggling to find myself and my center and purpose after years of being filled by my children's concerns and their presence, I work in the people industry which is messy and imperfect and no one is ever happy- there is always a problem to solve. I have been happily married for 26 years and my hubby is my best friend but his needs for socializing are different than mine, he is more introverted and very focused on his business. I am well liked but don't have any close friends who I can share with, with ease and freely. I am struggling with the pain of losing my mother to alzheimers and there is tension among my siblings over disagreements about her care.
The casino was my place to go for ME. It was where I went to forget, to escape all the clamoring needs and concerns and just lose myself. I enjoyed the anticipation of a bonus or a win- to be anonymous in my little bubble where no one would bother me with a problem to solve.
I know it became it's own problem.
I have engaged more fully with my life again.
I have things now that I couldn't afford because I had no extra money for them ( I always paid my bills but every last cent of my extra went to the casino)
Life is healthier. I am working out, doing yoga every day, trying to get that adrenaline rush from doing challenges like 50 day squat or ab challenge but still it's hard and still I am tempted and miss that "Special ritual and space that was gambling.
I guess today what I want to share that in all that I grieve it feels as though I have to grieve that as well- the loss of it, despite it being bad for me and knowing that it cannot lead anywhere good I am angry and grieve that I had found something for me, a place for myself and I had to stop because it grew bigger than I could control.
I can find someplace else but it won't have those same elements.
When I quit smoking it was the same sense of loss.
I imagine this is a normal part of the healing process.
It still sort of sucks.
=/
thanks for listening and being here and sharing your own process with me.It definitely makes the journey easier.
I have 2 boys, grown and semi out of the house (22 and 23, a 23 year old foster daughter.) a husband, a house, a yard, a very very demanding and fulfilling if not frustrating job in social work where I write programs, train staff and provide crisis management training for people with developmental disabilities. I am a supervisor to 56 people AND have an aging mom with alzheimers that I look in on and after on one day of the weekend (my siblings have other days) My life is full and rich and busy and one would think that I would not need any rushes or adrenaline or something as destructive as gambling.
The other truth is that I am suffering empty nest a little. I worry about my youngest son who appears to be better now but had trouble with cocaine use during his last breakup at 18-19. I am struggling to find myself and my center and purpose after years of being filled by my children's concerns and their presence, I work in the people industry which is messy and imperfect and no one is ever happy- there is always a problem to solve. I have been happily married for 26 years and my hubby is my best friend but his needs for socializing are different than mine, he is more introverted and very focused on his business. I am well liked but don't have any close friends who I can share with, with ease and freely. I am struggling with the pain of losing my mother to alzheimers and there is tension among my siblings over disagreements about her care.
The casino was my place to go for ME. It was where I went to forget, to escape all the clamoring needs and concerns and just lose myself. I enjoyed the anticipation of a bonus or a win- to be anonymous in my little bubble where no one would bother me with a problem to solve.
I know it became it's own problem.
I have engaged more fully with my life again.
I have things now that I couldn't afford because I had no extra money for them ( I always paid my bills but every last cent of my extra went to the casino)
Life is healthier. I am working out, doing yoga every day, trying to get that adrenaline rush from doing challenges like 50 day squat or ab challenge but still it's hard and still I am tempted and miss that "Special ritual and space that was gambling.
I guess today what I want to share that in all that I grieve it feels as though I have to grieve that as well- the loss of it, despite it being bad for me and knowing that it cannot lead anywhere good I am angry and grieve that I had found something for me, a place for myself and I had to stop because it grew bigger than I could control.
I can find someplace else but it won't have those same elements.
When I quit smoking it was the same sense of loss.
I imagine this is a normal part of the healing process.
It still sort of sucks.
=/
thanks for listening and being here and sharing your own process with me.It definitely makes the journey easier.
I hear you. It is very hard to replace or find that rush somewhere else. I found that there is almost non activity out there that can compensate the feeling you get from gambling. After all, if there was than it would been easier for all of us to stop and do the other thing instead.
For me, greiving still takes place once in awhile when I feel unsettled by lts loss. It's like visiting the gravesite for our loved one. I remember what it is like but I know it's something I can never do.
I found the only thing replaces gambling rush is the feeling of joy and happiness. The simple things in life that gives me the giddy feeling for the first time. The blessings that surround me. And that is a real treat for me. I can savor all day long and look forward to what tomorrow will bring me.
I know you will too find that special treat for yourself and be content in your journey.
Hang in there, that emptiness will fill slowly but surely.
Love,
Victoria
It's like visiting the gravesite for our loved one.I remember what it is like but I know it's something I can never do.
thank you Victoria. Exercising has definitely helped, setting smaller unrelated goals, working towards them and seeing them to fruition has helped as well....It seems it's still about winning or reaching a pinnacle for me but not such a destructive one. I would never have thought that I was competitive- that said I also know that we cannot win against those machines.
I appreciate the support.
~Sabine
I guess this addiction has taught me how to not act on my feelings when my head knows much much better!! I am thankful for that lesson.
Here are some of the tell tale signs;
Playing 2 machines at once.
Staying at the same machine for hours and hours.
Hitting and swearing at the machine.
You'll see them over and over.
Everyone at the casino knows their name.
They get more perks.
All they think about is going to casinos and gambling.
They use the ATM and check cashing service a lot.
When I think about the parts I liked that were non gambling I realize that I can get those things from non gambling venues.
Good food - Restaurants have it too!
Shows and Music - Go to stadiums and other places. On line, theaters or TV
Atmosphere - A place to go where there are lots of people and I can feel comfortable going alone - Shoppingcenters, fitness centers, Community centers, Libraries, State or local parks.
Playing games- Video and board games are fun -(non gambling types). Definately NOT on-line slots. They draw you back!
So there you have it! We don't need any of it! Getting these things through gambling venues is far too expensive! Like I've said in then past. Don't buy a $200 ham! Let's all stay away from these fake entertainment centers.
I am so grateful to all here.
If you romance it you chance it. I cannot go there. There are other activities we can do (whether we have friends to do them with or not) that can substitute for gambling. That's what I'm trying to learn how to do.
Estel (Atticus) once told me that you'll never find anything as exciting as gambling...you won't find anything with the high that gambling brings...but you don't have the low's either. Amen to that.
Dinner with friends: we laugh and play so much, no thoughts of gambling.
Going somewhere and listen to live music. I did that last Sunday, from around 3:30 to 11:30.........totally comsumed by the live music.
Church activities that take a lot of time.
A great book.
A great movie.
Cleaning/rearranging/folding clothes.
for me, the trick is to be totally involved in something. so far, it' working pretty good.
it's fun rediscovering things I used to enjoy before I ever entered a casino. someone on here told me months ago: if you want that 'rush' feeling, go jump out of a plane. now, that is a rush. lol. I"m not sure if we really long for that rush feeling, or the feeling of anticipation: that we might win. so I"m learning to anticipate fun with friends. it really is a lot cheaper. had a great meal at Chili's earlier today: my bill was 12.29. a meal with water! not bad for a couple of hours of fun. enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening, everyone. ps: I enjoy DS, too.