Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
My last bet was 9-8-22 I had nearly five years abstinence when I had a slip. (Sobriety Lost Its Priority) I learned more in the last three years about how to do my recovery program than I had ever learned. I swore I would do everything and anything to get between myself and gambling and have to say, between my support group and private therapy I have done more internal work in the last three years than ever. I began to protect my abstinence and protect myself. Around the beginning of March 2020 I started practicing meticulous self-care and did the work with my therapist to begin to believe I deserved it.
Being the kind, empathetic, loving, yet firm parent to myself that I never had has given me the freedom to explore my hobbies, interests and find ways to age less painfully. The ability to see silver linings and feel the peace of becoming fearless in the face of my emotions knowing they will pass.
PS: I generally quit posting here because of the number of times I have felt compelled to report people advertising online casinos in this chat room. If that is still happening, I will not be back for some time again.
What step are you working.? Who is your sponsor.? Where do you keep his phone number? When was your last meeting?
You know why i ask those questions? They are the same questions we always ask for people who have been gone, or made the choice to leave our support group and go back out. so, welcome back. happy you didnt practice our addiction again.
My sponsor is Rob R. His phone number is number 1 speed dial on my phone. I am working steps 10 and 12. I made a meeting Monday, I have another one later today.
I have 174 GA members phone numbers in my phone. I use my support group. I give back by attending meetings, sponsoring others, and working the hotline weekly. (I also sponsor a meeting) I did not gamble or drug or otherwise practice any of my addictions today, (so far) The last date I gambled was Nov. 25th, 2003. I am currently sponsoring 3 people.
My first meeting was sometime in Jan 1987, I realize i just posted in another post it was 83, but it was 87. Not going back to edit that post. My memory isnt what it used to be. Army was 82-86, out of control addiction to gambling started when i got out of the army. I had 16 years where the most clean time i put together was 6 years, and still went back out.
Eventually, I came to understand i had many addictions and multiple mental disorders. It wasn't till i faced all my demons that I really began to practice self care. I dont know if its the same for you, why you went back out. Hope your last time was your last time. Personally, I kept acting out ... like playing wack a mole game. I would push down one addiction and act out others, and each of them would always lead me back to gambling. I was able to quit illegal drug use in the 90's, but that only went on a few years, my real curse was self injury, suicidal fantasies and sexual addiction which I had full fledged at the ripe old age of 4. Oh, we cant forget rage, and hatred, or, "anger." I remember the first time i worked my personal inventory, I went through my list with my sponsor and I expected some atta boy, or wow you did some great work but what he said was just this: "what about anger" and I replied, "I am not angry."
IN fact, anger was my life, my love, my breath. I was abused and tortured in anger, I was raised by angry parents, with angry brothers. I was full of hatred, mostly self hatred but some parental hatred and Higher power hatred also.
I practiced self care yesterday. I am practicing self care today. Truth is, i am terrible at self care. I need to practice it. I am great at self destruction, dont need to practice that at all, i am way better at it than anyone has any right to be.
Thanks for sharing. Every story I hear helps me. If my story helps you, great. IF not, leave it on the page and move forward practicing your own version of self care. If you ever get stuck in stinking thinking, remember, "your mind is like a bad neighborhood, dont go in there alone" lol. Ya i suppose i have made some progress in all these years. If i listed the stressors i have had since 2020, this post would be too long to read but some highlights are, corona virus in May of 2020. Severe heart attack in June 2020. No hospital or icu available. Just this year finally got services, my doctor never came back from Covid so i had to get a new one, new cardiologist also, and triple bypass surgery in august this year. Two hurricanes back to back in August of 2020, directly after two dear friends passed, One was just 21, Tara died 2nd week of august 2020, and then My cousin lost her battle with Cancer, a week later. Both hurricanes damaged my house and my oldest brother just spent a month here fixing my roof for me. (the entire month was pure trauma, maybe worse than the storms but, the result was fixing a problem rather than making a problem)
I cant say I did all that without acting out. I had to use the suicide hotline from September 2020 till jan of 21. So trauma can definately send us right back into our shit, or at least it did to me, but it really was trauma piled on trauma piled on trauma. Not the least of which is physical disability from covid and then the heart attack, so, I can barely tend to my own daily needs. Probably the suicidal fantasy was my first addiction, but, I haven't practiced self injury since 2003. Those are just the highlights, or lowlights, the most severe of the traumas, but the hot water heater broke, my truck broke and was down for a year, (storm damaged) My ac unit was trashed, (more storm damage) it got fixed this year. Truck got fixed this year. Hot water got fixed last year. The point isnt the trauma's though, but I got through all of it without placing a bet, or self injury or raging or making anything worse. Progress not perfection right?