Day 20!!!!! I went through a panic mode, I had issues logging in today, and was about to panic, right before it finally came on. I realized how depending I have become to this site and the people that are in it. I also realized, late last night, that I can't do drama, at least not the way I used to do it, which was typically over the top, full blown rage most of the time. I had to confront a feeling I had with a family member last night, and I found myself calm, and talking to them rather than yelling, and it was an amazing result, they responded to me, and we talked it out. For me, day 20 is a tiny milestone, actually, I know I'm supposed to say, today, is a milestone, and its one day at a time, but, I have it in my head, that there is no choice, I will not place another bet, although its one day at a time. I also realized that so much of my character needs to change, my reaction to things, needs to fundamentally change, I need to continue to be honest, I need to be open minded, I need to be humble, I need to be grateful. I can't afford to live in fear, fear keeps me from moving forward. Today, I choose to surrender my fear, today I choose to change, and to grow and to nurture myself, something I have not done, for a long time, if ever. So much to look forward too, if I just stay out of my own way. hugs.