Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Well I have been slipping over the past few months into bad habits again. Spending time daydreaming about winning, thinking about playing, planning and figuring ways to get just a little bit of money aside to do just a little bit of gambling... "for fun"...
Its never as much fun as I think it will be though :(
And a little here turns into a little more there, and even if its not large amounts of money, I was able to control that, but it was a great deal of time wasted. I need to remember the other reasons to stay away - risking trust and relationships, risking my own emotional well-being, risking the future.
Its the little things that you have to pay attention to, for example, I was sucked back in by playing "for free" with loyalty points on an online site. With these points I managed to play my way into some actual money. Then by playing very low stakes for quite a long time across several days, or maybe it was even a few weeks, I had built the money up into a very real amount. However I noticed myself becoming less motivated to do other things, more important things like career research/development (I have a job but hardly where I want to be at this stage in life), and more agitated and irritable with things like traffic and lineups and wait times. As I was caught up at the time and I didnt want to admit it, but even winning is very harmful to my health.
Then of course came the losing stage again, as it always does. And although it was fairly swift it leaves a very negative feeling and an emptiness and a desire for more.
And so after a while the urges got the better of me and instead of just tinkering with "free money" online I went back to the casino and lost money I couldn't afford, a small amount by comparison to other times but still a very real amount, in real money it would have bought a lot of groceries and gas. But instead I wasted it, and now have nothing left for a few days until payday. Scrounging in the spare change bucket to pay for gas today was not fun :(
But each time you fall off you need to get back on.
Today, I did not gamble. Today I can be proud of myself, I have put one foot in the right direction. And I am not just waiting or planning my next trip or game, today is day one on the right path and today is the only day that matters :)
Its never as much fun as I think it will be though :(
And a little here turns into a little more there, and even if its not large amounts of money, I was able to control that, but it was a great deal of time wasted. I need to remember the other reasons to stay away - risking trust and relationships, risking my own emotional well-being, risking the future.
Its the little things that you have to pay attention to, for example, I was sucked back in by playing "for free" with loyalty points on an online site. With these points I managed to play my way into some actual money. Then by playing very low stakes for quite a long time across several days, or maybe it was even a few weeks, I had built the money up into a very real amount. However I noticed myself becoming less motivated to do other things, more important things like career research/development (I have a job but hardly where I want to be at this stage in life), and more agitated and irritable with things like traffic and lineups and wait times. As I was caught up at the time and I didnt want to admit it, but even winning is very harmful to my health.
Then of course came the losing stage again, as it always does. And although it was fairly swift it leaves a very negative feeling and an emptiness and a desire for more.
And so after a while the urges got the better of me and instead of just tinkering with "free money" online I went back to the casino and lost money I couldn't afford, a small amount by comparison to other times but still a very real amount, in real money it would have bought a lot of groceries and gas. But instead I wasted it, and now have nothing left for a few days until payday. Scrounging in the spare change bucket to pay for gas today was not fun :(
But each time you fall off you need to get back on.
Today, I did not gamble. Today I can be proud of myself, I have put one foot in the right direction. And I am not just waiting or planning my next trip or game, today is day one on the right path and today is the only day that matters :)
I am sick of giving my money to the casino and am done.
It's not that some who go rarely can not actually get ahead. It's possible, but we are addicts!!!
We can't stop when we win anything...:). That's what you have to focus on. We are compulsive and can not control it..:).
I have won over a million dollars in the last 5 years, but it all goes back and lost 200 to 250 thousand of savings, retirement and outstanding loans.
We can't win because we are gambling addicts..:).
It's ok. God loves us..:).
Kenji