our hearts go out to you, lhbyrdie..... hang in there, and give him time to process your confession. you've known for a while. it's brand new to him. what are your plans not to gamble anymore? have you self-banned. I'm single, so I didn't have a partner to deal with, so I admit this is not my strong area. but, it just seems like a good idea to have a plan while you all are talking.

we're pulling for you through this trying time. keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

I know nothing of your situation and I'm only like 11 days into my sobriety from gambling but I'm thinking you are finding it easier to leave then to abstain and see it through? And yes who could blame you because we all know it is extremely difficult to stop gambling and rebounds are almost expected from what I'm reading from others, soooo that being said, he would have to be on board with your newest journey to being gambling free and understand fully how hard and difficult it may be at times, if he can't wrap his head around that then yes I would say you both have a lot to discuss before anyone throws in the towel completely. Talk it thru and if he's done he's done, not much you can do except better yourself everyday in every way. Sadly it's not only monetary losses we have when it comes to this addiction :( Hang in there and hugs to you.

Hi Ihbyrdie
Stopat56 is right on about having a plan.
When I crashed my partner like yours was very very upset
and was going to leave but ODAAT we worked it out.
My plan included counseling 28 days at a treatment center.
Gamblers Anonymous and asking my partner to help me manage
my $. I would get an allowance for the day and gave up my bank card and all of the 6 credit cards I had.In recovery in my opinion one has to prove themselves to loved ones that they want help and we do this through our actions not through lip service.Important to be accountable and transparent and if you are going to late have to let people know.I would also suggest that if there are GA meetings and Gam-Anon Meetings in your area you at the least attend them and suggested that your husband attend Gam_Anon and if he says no let it go but attend GA.Wish you well in your recovery/.relationship.Also if there are no GA meetings in your area
check out this site www.gamtalk.org
God Bless
Ken L YBIR

Thanks for all your comments. He does not understand and his answer is keep driving, dont stop! If you want to quit.. you will quit. I want to quit and I will quit but I know it is hard. The guilt is the hardest thing to deal with. Why would we hurt the ones we love? Why would a mom ever do this to her children? Sometimes I wonder what happened to the real me?

I'm the gambler and I don't even understand it most times. Why can't I just drive by and not stop?

I got some great advice from my therapist in the beginning. She asked me to hold off making any big decisions for the first couple of months. Looking back, I can see that she knew I would not be thinking clearly while I was in that black pit trying to dig myself out.

I give that same advice to you. Don't decide whether to stay or leave right now. Just work on healing your life as hard as you can.

hugs,
lisa

Someone once said to me "DROP THE ROCK" and I didn't understand what he was saying, until I realized, that part of my addiction, or reason I kept running back to it, was because of the guilt I had. In order for me to really seek the help I needed, I had to ask for it, and you have, I also had to "drop the rock" in order for me to stop running, and most of the time, to the casino, I had to own it, and then, let the guilt go. My family, or parts of my family were the same way, and it broke my heart, to think I hurt them so much, but, I also know, for me, if I continue to carry that huge guilt rock, I can't concentrate on my recovery. In time, it will get better, I promise, just give it time, work your recovery, and the rest will follow, I promise.

I had same experience with wife finding out and worst thing it wasnt thorugh me but ironically in a post on this forum, was stupid enough to not erase or log out she checked my phone.
It was a blessing in disguise...although I know that I will never gain her trust again (2nd time I abused it) its a huge life to not hide from parents who subsequently found out too. Although it murders me to cause them any more pain, you need the support of your family or loved one(s) to get through this.
No doubt in my mind if none of them found out, I'd be gambling on the stupid website casinos again.
I set a plan and show them my finances every single week with printouts to all my websites, passwords, (whatever I have left) so they see week to week exactly how much money I have. This way they know I'm trying this time, and its good because I cannot hide losses, which is a big trigger for me. I always figure, gamble, take a shot at winning, if I lose I can skim from job, borrow without anyone knowing, etc. all delusional things that set me years back.
Take the next step...draw out a concrete plan saying I have control of this and show him. Good luck