Hi Froggy, I know exactly what you are going thru. My husband does the same thing and has for years. I actually wrote a post that said is it OK not to tell him that I have stopped. Normally people want to shout that from the tree tops. I wanted it a secret. Not because I was afraid of failure, or being held responsible just in case I started again. It was for the very reason you just described. That would send me on a "chasing my losses spree"! That continued for years. This time it was different. I stopped and looked for help because of ME and ME only. I was miserable, insane, at my lowest point in life ever and actually thought about taking my own life just to stop those voices in my head telling me to gamble every last penny day after day. I have found a strength inside me that I never knew I had. Look hard Froggy its there for you too. Hold your head up fight for yourself you are worth it. I feel like you do. I think at times my husband wanted to be able to hold it over my head blame me. Everything in life was my fault and to some point he is right. But I don't see how lightning striking the tree out front, causing it to fall and smash the top of my car being MY fault, but hey I guess if I didnot go the night before and parked it in my driveway it wouldn't of been hit.LOL My point is he is upset and mad. He has the right to feel that way, those are his feelings. I cannot use his feelings as an excuse to go gamble again. I need to own up to this addiction. I messed up. I need to be the one to try and fix the damage or I will have learned nothing. Stay strong Froggy for you! For your sanity. Remember to take it One day at a time, just for today I will not gamble.

Please know that your hubby does not want you to fail. I am sure of that. And I really believe that if he didn't love you and didn't want to see you through this, he would be gone. He loves you, he may not know what to say and do in this situation. So, talking to him about it may not be the best thing right now. So, that is why you come here. Talk to us. But, keep working on getting you well. Don't let you Hubby's reaction set you back. In fact, I think that by not giving up and giving in, to any urges speaks very loudly. My father always say actions speak a lot, so by stepping back from a bit from trying to talk to your hubby and continuing on your road of success and recovery says a lot and I truly believe that your husband is looking at what you do. He may not say anything. When he sees you still pushing on this will bring him around even more.

HI Froggy........
guilts .. have a lot to do with taking ugly 'remarks eh ?. we feel we deserve it least I did..
Today it is different......course it is ''almost '7 years for me....now..
Today character attacks are confronted by me. Actions speak louder than words.. Keeping busy around the house.. whatever your tasks are ? 'is showing 'anyone that 'you are trying and the most important person is YOU at this time to feel a sense of accomplishment of doing ''what 'we failed to do while gambling ..
Keep busy. It takes lots of time for 'self esteem comes back.. I know..
Today I feel 'good or better than that person who lay at the bottom of the Ocean like whale poopie........lol.
My mind 'analysed everything.. so to keep my mind 'from reeling.I just kept 'being busy..
It took my spouse a long time to fully trust me.. And understandably so..I did not trust me........I do Today......
EAse up on self....suggest do something nice for you . Be your own 'best friend....
Be well gams5..

My reply, I sure understand what you're going through. I quit gambling twice during my relationship with my husband. The first time I managed to stay clean for a couple of years, relying on will power mostly. I didn't understand the concept of recovery. I thought I was cured. During that first time of abstinence, I listened to my husband use my addiction, as a reason to hold me in some kind of an emotionally handicapped, hostage position. Deep down inside I felt I didn't deserve to be treated that way, today I know those deep down feelings were correct. My addiction can't be used as the excuse to end any disagreement, any short comings on his part, like the tree falling on your car. I listened, and listened to him lecture me on why we didn't have this or that, on how it was my fault because I gambled everything away. That flat out wasn't true, I didn't gamble everything away. I didn't end up there, financially we've always been okay. For us, it was more about the trust, and all he had to do was bring up my addiction and he discovered he could end any argument, or at least shut me up. But even if I had gotten myself into enormous dept, today I know I don't deserve to be treated cruelly by anyone, for any reason. Certainly not my guy, the man I love, and who loves me back. This is my 2nd quit and I've got 18 months now. I let him rant and rave at me for a certain period of time, I don't even know how long it was, I want to say approximately 6 months, something like that, and then I stood up for myself, knowing I had the right, calling it out that I felt he was just being cruel, that I understood what I did to us, but that my addiction can't be a weapon for him to use against me. And it worked! Not right off, but I stayed calm each time I told him how I felt about him lecturing me, well, maybe not always calm, but I didn't try repeatedly to make any excuses for why I gambled. I told him I was always open for discussion, and I am. But to me, that doesn't give him the right to be cruel. And he stopped doing it! He doesn't want to discuss my addiction with me, I understand this, he isn't a compulsive gambler, I am.

I think what you said is so true !! I have read it through twice and think gee that's exactly how it is. I always think I'm doing the right thing to try to talk to him about it
and try to help him understand, and he doesn't want to hear it and gets angry because I usually get my feelings hurt and normally I will stand up for myself and say something, but I have had this thrown at me so much that I feel so belittled, I usually do shut up or walk in the other room. I don't think I deserve it at all, but his words, "you made the choice" and "it's your doing" just serve to make me feel like crap pretty much.