I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry that it's happening to you. You think you're not strong enough to overcome the problem but you are. You are here and that is a good start. I believe that once we get that deep down desire to quit - that is the beginning of the end. It's that in-between part where the constant struggle goes on that is the hardest. Learn all you can, get all the support you can, and - most importantly - start taking very good care of your SELF. If you don't succeed at first, try to figure out what happened and keep trying and trying. I wish you all the very best and look forward to hearing from you again.

I had to come to believe that I deserved a better life in order to stop gambling and cease self-sabotage. Louise Hay talk on Youtube about How to Love Yourself really helped me. (As well as 1x1 counseling and group therapy.)
Hang in there, you can do this.

My heart goes out to you ... I have the same problem ... my son is disgusted in my behavior ... I've never felt so bad ... I've been 3 days without gambling now as I have no more money to gamble with .... I permanently feel sick to the stomach .... I'm at my wits end x big hugs and lets try and beat this horrendous addiction ... x

Thank you everyone for responding. I can't confidently say I will never go again! I almost went again today but I do not have enough funds to do so. I'm slowly trying to replenish my account from all the damage I have done over the last couple of weeks. I have to keep in mind the feeling I have when I leave there after a big loss! I literally will spend every single penny I have when I'm in there! It's like $100 bills are just a pice of paper. I guess I just need to take it one day at a time

That is part of the sickness, money is only the vehicle that keeps the addiction going. There is some line we cross when we move from social to compulsive gamblers. It is different for everyone and many folks never become compulsive gamblers. But once we have crossed over to spending every penny, gleaned from pockets and seat cushions, whole paychecks and then some, putting houses and or whole retirement accounts into fantasies of winning big. When we win big if compulsive like me, I only gave it back over the next few days. A part of me pretended it was about money, that my motivation was to get more money to fix the financial mess I had made. (But that part is the inner compulsive gambler I have, talking; who's logic always leads to gambling is the answer.) It was really about dopamine as a way to numb myself, which seemed to block out the world, as long as I could keep the action going. Essentially, compulsive gambling is more like drug addiction, it is a drug we make in our own bodies and gambling produces it in great quantities - flooding our brain with many times the normal level of dopamine. Put some blocks in place on your money so when you have some again you can protect yourself. Consider self-banning from gambling establishments.

The way I saw money totally changed for me when I became a compulsive gambler. It bothers me to think I'll always look at it differently now. When I gambled I didn't want to spend money on myself. I learned to cut a lot of corners I never should have. I'd always proclaim I don't care about money, blah blah blah! Maybe it was part of my cover, no maybe about it, it was. Lies. I suppose it's okay to not care about any of my own money, if that's what I want to do; but to not care about my husbands money was wrong.
So today I will not gamble. One day at a time is how I'm handling this horrible addiction. That does not give me premises to gamble, it strengthens me. The more time I put between myself and the last time I gambled, the stronger I will become.

I know where you are coming from. It seems like it’s a mixed feeling of feeling ashamed and angry at yourself. Is that how you’re feeling? I remember while going though an addiction feeling the same way. I want you to know I hear you and understand where you are coming from.

Have you looked into therapy groups for gambling? I know people know somehow AA and 12 steps, but I think especially with gambling addiction people feel very trapped and can’t go beyond, but there are options out there for people like you and I.

I hope this was helpful! Praying for your journey of recovery down the road.

That sick and disgusted feeling is the one that get's me to stop gambling and I need to keep reminding myself of that so I don't go back! Eventually you start to feel good about your "new life" as a compulsive gambler that is getting stronger. Just for today, I will not gamble, stay strong!