Here's another good one from Skip88 ......"You have to reach the point in your life when you hate losing MORE than you love winning." Thanks Skip...Exactly one of my feelings today.

I remember my last 2 or 3 weeks of gambling feeling like I was forced (compelled) to gamble and hating every minute at the same time. Being miserable and hating myself for being there after telling myself I would not. Knowing ever more assuredly with each passing minute of gambling that I would be driving home cursing at myself and slapping my forehead into a red, swollen puffiness all the way. Knowing I would not feel like eating and I will not get a good night's sleep and I will need to go into damage control mode in the morning.
Take our yet another payday loan to cover the bills I did not pay - start the next pay cycle in the hole.
This is the cycle of addiction and the definition of insanity. For us to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome is insanity.

I had to come to accept the following completely and know their truth in my heart and soul:
Gambling is fun, but not for me.
Gambling is not entertaining nor harmless for me.


There is no way out of hole unless we quit digging.

I have found that the cycle of the addiction: Thought to gamble --->urge to gamble----->plan to gamble---->gamble

If I can intervene in my initial 1st thought to gamble or the urge, I am more likely to be able to redirect myself. If I begin planning, (thinking where to get the $, where to go, etc), it is too close to actually being there and ......we all know .... how .....it ......goes....
hugs

Hate is strong word, I always told my kids it’s okay to hate things, not people. So hating a casino is okay in my book. When I stopped completely hating myself I realized hating the casino was blaming the casino for my addiction. Worse than that I always tried to blame my husband for my addiction, and he’s human. I still don’t like casinos because they represent so much pain I’ve experienced in my past, when I was feeding my addiction. No matter what, today I know I can’t even tempt my addiction. I know if I do, every bad feeling will come back, stronger than ever, stronger than before. Feelings, not financial, that’s where this addiction isn’t about the amount of money lost, or won, for me anyway. Fling the money in the toilet and flush it, it’s not the same, but it might as well be the same.
Never give up fighting this addiction, it will shame you, if you let it. You’re here, we understand the pain and confusion this addiction can cause, and don’t get me wrong, the waste of money is flipping ridiculous! But we don’t have to gamble to survive. For us, abstinence is a far better choice when it comes to gambling. Thank God we don’t have to gamble to survive.
Today I will not gamble

I hate the casino. I hate them for what they do to people's lives. I hate them because they are dishonest. I hate the advertisements. They show us attractive people laughing, intimate, cheering, and having a good time. Nothing could be further from the truth. What I see are sad, lonely, desperate addicts in sweatpants fantasizing about a life they could have had if this demon had not possessed them. I hate them because they take advantage of people. They sell us on the idea that "you too can be a winner!" The truth is the games are unbelievably fixed so you CAN'T win. By the time you finally beat the odds and actually do win something you will have rewired your brain to require gambling to function properly without symptoms of withdrawal. So anything you win will only be used as fuel to feed the fire of a dangerous addiction. I wholeheartedly hate the casino. I hate everything about the place. I hate the smell, I hate the smoke, I hate the food, I hate their comps (rewarding me with maybe 1% of what I've lost), I hate the managers, I hate the hosts, I hate their carpet, I hate slot machines, and I hate, I mean really loathe, their biggest lie. That would be that only a small, minor percentage of the population are addicts and gambling is just harmless entertainment. While that part is partially true, what they always fail to mention is that small percentage is responsible for 30-60% of their revenue based on 9 independent studies on gambling addiction. So without addicts they could not sustain themselves. I also hate the politicians who can't let these vultures into our states fast enough. I hate everything about it and I will until the day that I die. It's a disgusting, evil, predatory industry that has no place in a compassionate, honest world.

Please read this article. These stories ring so true to all of us here. My heart breaks for those who didn't make and lost their lives to this disease.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/12/losing-it-all/505814/

Your so right Qwit ....everything you said is true. I'm the same. And I agree Robin "hate" is a strong word but since Friday night ..... I do hate them machines. I don't dislike the people that work there as they are there trying to make a living .....the food is very good and I enjoy it ...but the machines are another story. Some people can go in there ...eat ...have a beer, socialize and leave. My son and brother are two like that. I know others that do the same and never put 5 cents in a machine. We are all different. If I'm going to blame someone for my addiction.. ...I blame myself for going in there and putting all my money into those machines......no one holds a gun to my head ....no one tells me I have to do it ......me and others do it because we want to win money. Gambling has always been around ...way before the casinos. It's like smoking or drinking or eating.....ask people who are addicted to them and they will tell you they can't stop. Of course gambling is the worst I would say of them all but I'm sure an alcoholic or someone like mom who smoked all her life and passed away of lung cancer might tell you its not the worst one. Anyway.... I honestly believe I'm cured after Friday night ....we shall see.

I read the link above high......wow .......so sad !!!

One thing that might help you gain another tool, Getting Out, is to write out a goodbye letter to gambling. Put all the reasons why you saying goodbye to gambling in the letter. Then, the next time you have a thought or urge to gamble, take out the letter and read it out loud to yourself.
It was one of my first tools and still works me.
Also, if I accidentally see a video poker machine now, I imagine the face of one of my former abusers on the screen, that helps me turn away.

Powerful article highlimit with great artwork too. Thanks for posting that.

Thank you Qwit !!! I'm going to do just that !!! Right now I'm still very much upset since Friday night and hating those machines... so I'm going to do exactly what you said. This right now is the best time to put all my feelings into that letter ...so when the time comes that I get that urge ........all my thoughts will come rushing back. This is definitely a great tool and I bet others can benefit from doing it too. Thanks again Qwit !!!!

Ok I’m new on here and I got some issues about this gambling problem! So crazy how many times I say I’m done and don’t join the clubs cause they have the pa skills game or rip tickets that and I have won I have won but not nearly what I put in and of course I always want that big win! But that actual big win I got that was 10000 at casino or 4000 then 2000 was long lived and gone! but anyways no mater what I win loose I still don’t know how to stop and I have limits some days but not really! I feel like a disappointment most of the time when I loose but then I think I Live once so fuck it and I do afford my stuff and live good but always feel broke but then I don’t care it’s a vicious cycle!!! Grrrr!!!! I’m super bypolar about this situation! But in the end if there wasn’t anything wrong why do I feel certain ways and still do it Damn addiction and devil on my shoulder!!!!

You’re so right, shera19, Damn this Addiction! The only way to treat it is to not feed it. And because it’s an addiction, that’s not easy to do. Shoot for one day at a time. Think about the fact that we don’t have to gamble to survive. For some people it’s entertainment but not for the compulsive gamblers in this world. We can feed our addiction or we can carry on surviving without feeding it. I know it’s hard to feel better just because someone says you should, but do try to be kinder to yourself. We are stronger than we think and brave when we must be.

Shera19: That part of telling ourselves that we will quit and finding ourselves back at it is the awful Grrrr!!! feeling that is so common for nearly all of us compulsive gamblers. It is part of this addiction. Often a big win is the the point in time that compulsive gamblers feel they crossed the line from social to compulsive. Mine happened to be a slow deterioration over four decades that had me tied up in knots for most of two decades and near death for the last five years of gambling hell I created.
Regardless of how much I won, while in full action I would nearly all or all of it back in play and walk away with little or nothing. It took a long time for me to realize that there would never be enough money for me to walk away.

I live better now, in terms of taking care of myself (sleeping, eating and playing well), and having connections to other people and my community than I ever did on 4x the income while gambling.

GettingOut: Glad you wrote the "goodbye to gambling" letter, it can help. Writing out a list of things that take at least 20 minutes and cost little or no money that you can/are willing to do instead of gambling can be a great help too. Examples: take a bubble bath, write a letter to a friend, artwork, make a card, garden, dance, listen to a relaxation CD, take a walk, journal. Goals of how you want to spend your money in the future can help too. I had one taped on the dashboard so that I could see it each time I got in the car - even while going to gamble. Affirmations can make us feel better about ourselves and plant a positive attitude. I read from a book of daily affirmations designed for adult children of alcoholics that hits home for me. For my first 6 months of recovery I had notes on my bathroom mirror of : "I love you" and "I deserve to be treated well." to remind me to tell myself those things and treat myself well.. It is small but doing it daily made a huge difference in my mental attitude. A daily gratitude diary can help with attitude as well. (writing out what I am grateful for)
Hugs you are making progress keep it up. Add another tool when you feel your plan is weak or you prove it by relapsing.

Thank You Qwit for the suggestions. I will definitely use them. It's been 1 week and 4 days since I gambled. I still don't want to put one cent in them machines. But I would like to say something that happened. My brother called and wanted to go to dinner at casino. And I knew this would be a test ....did I go ....yes I went. When he asked me if I was going to play....I told him no ....all I said was that I put too much money in there last time I went and didn't feel like doing it this time. He was ok with that. I did NOT want to put one cent in those machines. We ate and walked out. Did I want to stay ......normally I would .....not this time. I had such a week of hell that I'm not putting myself thru that again. One thing I do have is respect for myself......I may not have the greatest confidence ....after all .....good things never happen to me. My friend once told me that things always seem to fall into place for me when it gets rough. I told her that someone is prob watching out for me. This time I have pushed the limit on that. I made it thru a week of bad stuff.....and came out of it ok. I know when I've had enough.....I"m done.

Good for you that you could eat and walk out, Congrats on 11 days, that is a nice start. I would rather not go, not have the temptation. But then temptation is all around me on a daily basis, most of the places I gambled were restaurants, bars, and delis with video poker machines. I don't hang around the machines, go to casinos, or hang out with active gamblers (only those in recovery), I don't want to take that risk.