18 days into my new recovery, and today I actually had energy, I was working and I could feel the blood starting to circulate again in my heart,,,, first time in a few weeks I had the "pep" back in my step. I can honestly tell anyone who is thinking its any different out there, for me, not only was it not different, it was WORSE. I can't explain to anyone how awful this was for me, other than another GC, because unless you live it, you just don't get it. I am now self banned from my local "watering holes" aka casinos, for life, which is huge for me, I thought after I did it, I would have this "liberating" feeling, but I actually had the reverse, I went into a deep depression, I think I mourned the loss of my recovery time, and the loss of my safe place to run, all at once. I had to walk through it, crawl through it, and feel it, which kind of sucked, okay, it didn't kind of suck, it totally sucked.

Today is good, I'm not in a casino, I'm not running and I'm learning each day how to be a better person, and I'm also remembering to keep the faith, that worrying about finances, won't change what happened, although I still worry, but each day I am in my recovery, I get stronger.

Working a program, fully, working MY program is my key to happiness, and recovery, I worked my program, today, I didn't place a bet and I did the day... HUGE, I did the day, I didn't just walk through the day, I DID IT.

I miss seeing a lot of people on this site, I check every night, and I see my sweet regular warriors, and for that I am grateful, I may not be writing as much as I did, but, I am always reading and lurking, and learning. I think sometimes, I just need to learn to shut up, listen and learn.

hugs