20 years gambling and probably at least $125,000-$135,000 later......absolutely ruined my week off from Dec 26 to Jan 3rd. For those of you who bet sports...college bowl week. Blew money there losing big on a few games, and then proceeded to piss through $10,000 last Tuesday playing online blackjack while my wife and her sis were out shopping for the day. Boredom, that's what has done me in in the past and it did it to me again. I have so had it with myself that I shamed myself into telling my inlaws and my parents and broke down crying like a little kid in doing so. My wife is such a good person...I don't know how the heck she stays with me. Probably because I've been honest with her since day one. Any time I lose, the guilt kills me and I come out and tell her. Never have cheated, stolen anything, or screwed anybody out of any money. Never have been late on a bill....but whatever, I guess I'm just trying to make myself feel a little better since I am a complete gambling degenerate who just can't seem to learn.

Just had a little baby boy 5 months ago and thought I was going to stop for once he arrived. Well, I can tell you now, I am done. He was sent to me as a little angel seeing we were in the doctors office scheduling a procedure for my wife to have her tubes tied when the doc came out and said 'our conversation is going to take a drastic change in course'. Never thought children were in the cards for us. Well, I am so blessed that my little buddy came along. I'm glad this happened before he was old enough to realize what was going on. If this cost me $10,000 to prevent him from going near this crap, then it will go down as the best money I ever pissed away. But, God was I sick when I lost all that money...it still is occupying 90% of my thoughts all day. Really sucks. But I am done. Can't do this to myself anymore, and especially my baby who I want to have a great future. Plus, my wife deserves better from me. Much better. Funny, my high school yearbook saying 21 years ago was 'Saying is one thing, doing is another'. It's time to live by those words once and for all.

Thanks for listening to my rant...and thanks for this site and everyone's posts in dealing with this.