Hey Lisa,
Thanks for sharing. I think you titled the post perfectly- reminding yourself. I feel as though this may be a tough point in recovery: long enough you know you can do it, but not long enough to see all the benefits and, I think, that stinkin thinkin to start up. At this point in my recovery, I too am still scraping by in many respects too and also waiting on this to be paid off or that to be less, etc., but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, to go our and try to make some money by gambling is sure disaster IMO. One of the first steps to really own is that you're in the grips of a progressive disease and, as such, it will always get worse, not better. That part really has sunken in for me and I now know that any sort of gambling could set me back down that very dark road. Knowing that at this point gambling can only be a drain on my finances is liberating to a point. i know that even if i were to go out and win, it would only cause me grief in the end, losing it back, losing what I've worked so hard to achieve, is what keeps me on the straight and narrow. So, you have to stick to the plans you've made and go one day at a time knowing it will be better. I know you can do it- stay strong and catch some big fish!
Jay

Thank you both for your posts. It is a good reminder to help me stay focused. Our lives are so much better without gambling.

You rock for talking about this. I hope saying it here made the urges a little weaker!
Earlier in my recovery I succumbed to this thinking and gambled. Do you know what happened?..... I won. I left with money. You know what else happened? I was sick with it all over again. It's like it all came back to me with a vengeance. I had to fight off the urges again like it was the first week. I almost lost my way completely. All because I won some stupid money that I sorely needed. Winning was the worse thing that could happen to me I think.

Hi Lisa, I know these urges just suck, in a major, major way. It makes me so mad, because we are doing the work! It just seems so unfair, doesn't it? Why oh why? As Lisa and Jay have both pointed out you are so doing the right thing coming here as an outlet. Interesting that you can't access your journal, (for whatever reason). To me that means someone else NEEDED to see your post today. That is what this is all about -our helping each other by being here for ourselves and others. L, you are doing a remarkable job, give yourself credit. I know that mindset of "hey I don't have enough to cover what I need, I should go ahead and take what I got, and try to "win" the rest." As Lisa pointed out, the worst thing that could happen would be to have a "successful" outing. Man, you would get so sucked back in. Don't you think? Your current situation, while unsatisfying to you at the moment, is improving. Hold on, L. This too shall pass. Love ya, Girl ~E

You all are such good support!
Thank you for listening to me whine. Lol. Some people in GA say they never have urges to go back. Maybe I will be like them someday, but if not, I know that I can work through the urges and stay gf.
My husband knows I am banned, but I used to jump at any chance I could go gamble. Now, I tell him, that he'd just lose anyway, and if he did win, he'd end up losing in the end. Lisa and estel are so right..winning would be a bad thing, because it would just make you want to keep going back. Around here, no matter what tv or radio station,the tv is inundated with casino ads. When they come on, I give them the bird, and change channels. Lol.
Thank you for always making me feel like I'm not alone in what I'm feeling and that you care!!
Love you guys!
Lisa
Ps jay... The fishing is awful this year.
Sglt..you're welcome!! I

A few side notes: first, I really need to not use my phone for posting- horrible typo's- sorry gang. Second, bummer that the fishing isn't good this year- going gangbusters here at jersey shore. Third, I doubt urges will ever completely go away, there are so many subtle triggers that it can pop up whenever and wherever- the key is to be prepared to battle them down, wait them out and move ahead.
Jay

Awesome share Lisa....I know exactly how you are feeling. But what's important to focus on, is what so many before me have already said....there is a guarantee, that if for today, you say Hell No, I won't Go....you are so much better off than you were 132 days ago.

Keep fight the fight, keep on keeping on, and don't worry about when the urge to go will ever leave you. I don't think it ever will for me, but I'm going to be okay today, because I refuse to live my life as I did in the past.

Building better pasts together, one itsy bitsy day at a time! The best is yet to be, my dear friend!

Be well and stay strong!

Love, Tagg

P.S. Lisa...here's a roll call response I made back on July 29th, 2012....it kinda makes me giggle every time I read it, cuz I was feeling really, really passionate about not succumbing to the bastardly addiction:

" Tying up the lion with my lasso of truth...take that ya bastard! Got 'em by the tail...think I'll drag him around for awhile like he did me! Give him a taste of his own putrid medicine.

Powerless you say? I'll show you the power of powerlessness!!! You don't stand a snowballs' chance in hell of enjoying me as your prey of choice for the day!

What's that you say, loathly lion? Not enjoying the ride? Neither did I! So just shut up and feel the pain...it's MY TURN to show you the true meaning of courage and strength ... the power of powerlessness!

You, my despicable foe... have just met your match!"

Lots of Love,

Tagg