Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hello all, I am (unfortunately) back.
First, I just wanted to say sorry for being away, but I realised that, maybe subconsciously, coming here was maybe some form of 'vicarious gambling' FOR ME. Thus, the less I thought about the topic, the better I felt. Again, that is something personal to me, and I'm not trying to say that this isn't a good place to visit. It is, because I've seen some really great and helpful people here.
Secondly, I am afraid I have relapsed. Almost as soon as I completed my counselling, I returned to gambling. But that was just coincidental timing, rather than causal in any way.
What had happened was I had been GF for about five months because I was good at cutting off access to my money. Then I had to take out a $40000 personal loan for my girlfriend. Her mother has cancer and is overseas and needs surgery.
So I had $40000 in readily available cash right there for me. I couldn't resist.
The first time I withdrew $3000 and won $1800. The second time I withdrew $800 and lost it all. The third time, I took out $3000 and lost it all.
The first and third occasions happened at work during my lunch break, which I feel enormously guilty about. I feel like a monster out of control. I need to give my girlfriend $5000 more and then I will cancel the withdrawal facility on my loan.
But it will take a while to pay back :(
First, I just wanted to say sorry for being away, but I realised that, maybe subconsciously, coming here was maybe some form of 'vicarious gambling' FOR ME. Thus, the less I thought about the topic, the better I felt. Again, that is something personal to me, and I'm not trying to say that this isn't a good place to visit. It is, because I've seen some really great and helpful people here.
Secondly, I am afraid I have relapsed. Almost as soon as I completed my counselling, I returned to gambling. But that was just coincidental timing, rather than causal in any way.
What had happened was I had been GF for about five months because I was good at cutting off access to my money. Then I had to take out a $40000 personal loan for my girlfriend. Her mother has cancer and is overseas and needs surgery.
So I had $40000 in readily available cash right there for me. I couldn't resist.
The first time I withdrew $3000 and won $1800. The second time I withdrew $800 and lost it all. The third time, I took out $3000 and lost it all.
The first and third occasions happened at work during my lunch break, which I feel enormously guilty about. I feel like a monster out of control. I need to give my girlfriend $5000 more and then I will cancel the withdrawal facility on my loan.
But it will take a while to pay back :(
I'm proud of you for going to counseling, and I hope you will return. And 5 months GF shows you have the ability to do this, get this thing beat. So sorry you relapsed, but you seem to know why; you had accessible cash and that's when you lose yourself.
Some people have bad reactions to gluten or lactose. They have to stay away from crusty warm bread and whipped cream forever. You, my friend, may have to stay away from cash forever! Or at least for a very long time.
Get back on the horse, and remember how good it felt riding it after you get over the saddle sores :)
Glad to see you back, sorry to hear of the relapse... however, you're back and that shows that you know you are a compulsive gambler. If you know it, you need to also know that we just can't gamble- period, end of story.
What's helped me enormously is severely limiting my access to and holding of money. IMO you need to find someone you can trust to look over your shoulder and help manage your accounts and you shouldn't keep any cash on your person except enough for a cup of coffee or lunch or whatever to get you through the day. I used to carry at least $100.00 on me wherever I was (usually much more), so I'd always end up having that first burst of a bankroll for whatever came around first. I usually leave for work in the morning with either $0.00 or $5.00 in my pocket and bring lunch with me now. It's become commonplace for me and I don't feel the least bit "naked" without my cash (I did in the beginning a bit, admittedly).
Hang in there and keep the faith,
Jay