Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
These last few weeks have been pure hell fighting these urges on a daily basis. Just do not believe I have any recoveries left if I gamble. My latest brainstorm was to go to Vegas to see JLO in Jan......Please. Last time I was there I lost 23 k in one weekend. Have fought this crap for 50 years, treatment center, GA, therapy, Lost a inheritance 20 years ago in one binge when I stayed up for 3 days with no sleep at a high stakes poker game in AC. Lost the love of two good women over this disease. Still, I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful woman that has stayed by my side, my home, nice retirement life and virtually no debt. I refuse to give this all up for the life I left last December when I placed my last bet. The longest I had gone before was 2 years and believe me when you go back it is always at or greater than the level you were at in your addiction. Now,when I have the urges I try to play out the final act and I always come to the same conclusion. And then I get a sick feeling in my gut when I think about actually doing it again. The anxiety is hell sometimes but at least it is a real feeling,not the numbness of being trapped in my addiction. I know one day when I die this addiction will also die and I gain solace from this. I just pray for peace,serenity,and hope in my life. This site and the people that pour so much of their hearts into it give me hope, which I believe is the most important thing to have. Thank You All
Connecting with a HP finding ways to tell the people I care about that I love them gives me hope.
The real feeling dose hurt at times, and to feel numb to them is so much better. Anxiety is real, the feeling of doom is awful. (When my anxiety hit I thought I was going to die right then and there.)
Last December was the peek of my gambling and I couldn't enjoy the holidays. I thought I was going crazy. Long story short my family thought I was going crazy too. I was still keeping my ugly secret at that time. Whew, I exposed that and have been able to be me again. Keeping things, hidden only makes us more sick. In exposing my gambling behavior, I had to deal with some past hurts, thus getting to the bottom of why I was self destructing.
Sorry if I am reading more into this, if I am.
Stay strong Skip88------- Hugs