Once we become compulsive gamblers, we can't be social gamblers any more. It is what we must accept in order to recover. Like an alcoholic, who cannot drink like a social drinker any more, one is too many. Wishing we were social gamblers again will not make it so.
I had to come to accept three things:
Gambling is not fun for me.
Gambling is not harmless for me.
Gambling is not a way for me to get ahead.

Do whatever you can to not gamble. The important part is to stay away from gambling. GA can look very different from meeting to meeting and group to group. That said, it is not for everyone. Very few people can do it alone, part of the addiction is that we isolate ourselves from others. Humans are social creatures if we do not bond with others we will bond with something else. (addiction)
You may want to see if treatment is subsidized in your state. You can find out what resources are available in your area by calling the National Problem Gambling hotline at 1-800-522-4700 a 24/7 line answered by real people, trained in gambling addiction. My state pays 100% of costs of treatment for gamblers and their loved ones. (Loved ones of problem gamblers can enroll in treatment even if their gambler does not seek treatment.)
You will need to have an open mind to suggestions and be be willing to try anything and everything to get free of this. You will need to work at it - like you are fighting for your life, because you are.
I tried many times to quit on my own with only temporary relief. I failed at treatment twice before I really applied myself to it and completely embraced the work of changing. My "magical thinking" (another symptom of gambling addiction), made me, in my earlier attempts, want the counselor to use the "magic wand" method to "cure" me and make me a social gambler again, with little or no effort on my part. (Hey maybe she could make me an innocent, virginal, 18 year again old too!)
I hope this answered your questions.

Wow, so helpful. I believe people change when the pain of changing is less than the pain of remaining the same. This has gotten to that point. I will look into private counseling. Thank you.

HH - my father made a great comment to me one time in Vegas. I wish I would have took this to heart a lot sooner. He said, "you see these beautiful buildings? Remember, they weren't built because of people winning in the casino."

Simple but profound.

I didn't want to go to GA either. In fact, I had 23 days of abstinence from the casino before I attended a meeting. Surely I made it 23 days I don't need GA is what I told myself. However, I can assure you that there is comfort in surrounding yourself in a room of people who are struggling with the same issue you are. After a handful of meetings I began to see how important these meetings were and actually looked forward to them. Early on I kind of dreaded - that whole fear of judgement (which never, ever happened) and discomfort (there was a little of that, but it was self imposed).

Here's one thing I can say for sure, I've never left a GA meeting feeling worse than when I walked in the door. No matter how big or small the group I always have at least one takeaway. I always have at least one ah-ha moment. And I always feel a little stronger than I did the hour before.

No one wants to go to a GA meeting. No one wants to be a compulsive gambler either. One does help remedy the other though. Please consider it.

Thanks Jason., my husband wants me to go.. He said if I go and hate it I don't have to go back. I just don't think I could make it through a meeting without breaking down. I took the tests online for assessment of gambling addiction. I'm 14 out of 20. I'm at an end here. I still am not sleeping and have chest heaviness from the 2000 I lost one night last week, playing penny machines.. Yes it's that bad. I thought I bottomed before, but that wasn't the bottom. I can't see a way out of this.

Higherhope, you would not be the first to break down in a meeting. It's a safe place to do exactly that. You will be surrounded by people who understand, who do not judge, and who can support you. For some of us, that in itself is a novel idea. I believe we can't really get better unless we're willing to wrestle with - and let go of - all the *stuff* that sent us into addiction in the first place, and falling apart in a safe place can actually help. It's different for everyone, and every group is different too, so please keep looking if you don't find what you need in the first place you go. Take a deep breath and try to trust that it can get better. Today I will not gamble.

i posted call in details for the wednesday phone meeting you should call in and listen.....

I promise you, we've all broke down at one point or another. There actually is no better place to put it all out there than a GA meeting. You have a group of people who will have empathy for the struggle you're going through - because we've all been there before.

When you "can't see a way out" it's time to reassess what you're doing. The only way out is to stop.

This message board is a great outlet and I've received some tremendous advice here that I use often. One thing I've learned in recovery is that you need an arsenal of tools to fight compulsive gambling. What works for one may not work for another. Best thing you can do is give them all a try without preconceived opinions then decide whether they work for you.

We are in this together and are all needing help even if we haven't gambled recently the disease doesn't stop trying to take us down. You have taken a big step by posting on here and the call in meeting would be another step. In the mean time take it one day at a time and stay strong! Just for today I will not gamble!