First off, coming here is a sign that your mindset is in the right place, give yourself some pats on the back for that. Next, you have not lost all you built up, your abstinence did happen and you gained much in that process, you still have a toolbox and you still have yourself, if even only by a thread. One possibility is to contact GA and start a new group that meets at time and day you can get to, they can help with some materials I think. Some people did this in my area. If you are off at 8 p.m. seems like you should be able to have a meeting in the morning. There may be other folks that evening meetings are tough to get to for various reasons. Your recent relapse has some lessons for you: what was your trigger this time? What can you do different next time? Meanwhile, re-read your relapse prevention plan, dust it off, update it, if you haven't made one, it is a great tool. It is essentially listing every one of your triggers and making a plan of what you are going to do the next time you confront that trigger. (ie: I get triggered when my sister sends me nasty emails-the next time I see a nasty email from her I am going to get out my art supplies and scribble.) If you never wrote a good-bye to gambling letter now would be a good time, putting down our own thoughts in words helps to solidify our resolve. This can also be a tool to re-read next time you have a thought to gamble or an urge. Keeping a gratitude diary and writing down one thing you are grateful for every day can be a real help to your spirits. Today is quite an appropriate day to start that diary if you haven't. Using art for anxiety and urges has worked well for me as well. Phoning a friend helps. Lastly, putting a barrier or two between you and your money and self-banning from the casino can be effective tools. This is an insidious addiction that we can manage and get to a life worth living through recovery. Hang in there!

Just try one wednesday, and they will give you names/number of people who you can chat w/anytime..and all the other info you need...

welcome and you're going to be ok.....breathe, we'll get thru this...

Thank you Qwit4Good, I do keep a gratitude journal daily and have been for 30 years. I took up drawing with pencil, its been 40 years and I do this at work, been doing it for the last 5 months. I draw animals, human faces and some bodies as well. I phone a GA sponsor friend every week. I am self-banned at all the Casinos here in my town, 6 of them. I drive north to go a hour and 15 min one way. The barrier or two between my money, that one I have not been able to come up with as yet. Listing my triggers, well that would take as it did when I was in the Gambling recovery house, about every thing in life there is. I have no triggers, life is a trigger. If it's sunny its a good day to go, raining, a billboard with a flower, finding a penny on the floor, running errands as in driving around, etc. Money in hand, I go as I need money to survive, I don't make enough to pay the bills and of course, now I have made it worse. Starting my own group, oh no, I cannot do that, I may start it and then after 3 weeks abandon it as I have gone out. In the mornings, I have to make three meals, two to bring to work, lunch and dinner and of course breakfast. That takes time each day. I use to bring sandwiches too for dinner, but that got old, so I cook a meal for two days, so going to a meeting and having to leave by 11:30am to drive to work and cooking is near impossible for me. I have Friday off, so that is a day I can attend a meeting. Perhaps there is another phone meeting that is on PST time, then I can join. itsjustmegain, thank you. I cannot try Wednesday, I work but in the future that can be a possibility when work as it promised some weeks ago to allow workers to work in the am hours. We shall see. Again, thank you both for writing to me. I will bring all that I know to my recovery. I have been slipping for 3 years now. I have 3 months, I have 30 days, I have 4 months like that.

I am sorry this is so hard for you. I get that life is a trigger, mine is too but unless you make a plan about possible events ahead of time that are likely triggers your brain does not have the option to turn a different direction.
It truly sounds like you have yourself in an overloaded situation which tends to make humans feel powerless. Hugs and prayers toward getting the cycle to end.

you seem to have a defeatist attitude, nothing changes - if nothing changes, if you can drive 1/ 15 min for a casino you can find a way for recovery, ONE THING ABOUT ALL OF US, WE ARE RESOURCEFUL....

you will always have reasons to not start taking this seriosuly....every life change starts with the words, "i decided"

we'd all love to be in a casino -ALL OF US, but we can't, its like a cancer for us, we cant/we are no longer normal functioning people in that hellhole... and you have to realize you only have so much longer on this earth, make the best of it...FIGHT for your LIFE!

Hi, itsjustmeagain. True, I am defeated right now, but just telling the story is not a defeatist attitude or I would not be here. And how I felt when I read your "help" is that is was not a helping attitude it was putting a person down and there is another way to say what you meant rather than being condescending. This statement, you made, "if you can drive 1.15 miles to..of course, that is what I am doing here? There are no GA meetings in the mornings here and I need them at 9am in order to leave for work, cook dinner for work by 11:30am. You may have them in the AM where you live, but not here. There are NO GA meetings to be found outside my work time. I found a phone GA meetings which I can attend as the one here, EST is not possible is is during my work hours. As I said above that is why I came here looking to go to a GA meeting.

forgive me, i forget how fragile the first 6 months can be, i just hate this F*(&(*&(& disease and want to help fast forward everyone so they can be in abstinence faster, but, it's different for everyone

much peace to you

You do still have the option, if you are willing to put the effort in, to start your own GA meeting at a convenient time for you.
Hopefully, you are using every tool you have ever learned about in recovery and doing everything you can to get between you and your inner compulsive gambler. You know enough about recovery to know that and you obviously know you need a meeting. I hope you can get to a place of calm, peace and freedom in your life.
By the way, as far as I know, no one here is a trained counseling professional, we are only human with our own set of flaws. Sorry that felt put down, I am sure that was no one's intention. Hang in there, you can do this, if you are willing to be open to change and put in a monumental effort.
Hugs and prayers.

I'm proud of you for posting. You should be proud of yourself too, for many reasons. Thank you for sharing. It does seem as though you have gone through a lot for your recovery, and I know you will continue to do so. Try to call the Wed night phone meeting, reach out there. And when you can make it to a meeting, even better. Just keep reaching out. Personalities in recovery, any program, including AA can be tough to deal with, and at times, conflicting, just take what you can, and don't take comments personally, I know that's hard to do at times, but your recovery is first and foremost, always. Please keep posting.

Leapyear22. Thank you for your support. I know I posted this above, but I fyi, I cannot call Wed night phone. That is why I joined here, looking for a GA meeting that I can phone in as I cannot go to the ones here, I get off of work at 8pm, home at 8:30pm, I leave for work at 12:30pm. All the meetings are during my work hours. PLUS this phone meeting, its at the wrong time too for me to join in. I need a PST time or later meeting or early meeting. I have 30 years in AA. The personalities are and were not tough for me to deal with, its funny and weird. GA is a totally different addition altogether with very different personalities. I do take them personally right now, I am flawed and fragile, very fragile in my disease. I know there is hope and I will be strong again. But not right now. I am willing to change, I put in monumental effort. I checked myself into a Gambling recovery house, and lived there for 10 months, I turned over my money, my life, my everything. I lived with 5 women. We had curfews and a 20 hr program per week to attend, plus we all had to either work at job or do 20 hrs of community service. I worked. We attended 3 meetings, GA per week, plus I had to attend my AA, so I went to 7 meetings a week for 10 months. To turn your life over to a program like this, wow. I had to pack all my things, my house and put them in storage. One pc of luggage, plus a overnight was allowed. Therapy once a week, thus the 16 months of freedom from gambling. I went to a meeting the day I went out and for the last 10 months have not been able to go to GA due to work and no meetings where I live when I am off work. So, if you know of a phone meeting at 9 am or at 9pm, MST please let me know. Thank you!

I would first of all like to commend you for the efforts you have put forth checking yourself into a
gambling recovery house, turning over your money, your life and dealing with AA problems besides.
I don't know if I could have done all that you did to recover. I completed one year gambling free in
October and it is so wonderful to have money in the bank and to be able to sleep at night and not
beat myself up for screwing up. I have the same problem that you are having right now no
availability of meetings that will fit into my present schedule. This is a horrible disease!! I certainly
am no expert on fixing it or I would have done that for myself much earlier in my life. Just keep
trying and don't give up. I admire the courage you have shown in the past to beat this.