Welcome! I'm glad that you see that you have a problem. You've come to a great place. Take the time to read the posts, you'll see that we come from all walks of life, but we all have the same disease.

Hi Hopeful,
You have done the right thing by coming here. I am myself new to this online community but it is a great support group where you can relate with others who are going through the same ordeal.
For me it started 6 years ago in 2004. I found out about my roo mate of 2 years that he has gambling problems and I once went with him to a casino to see what he does so that I can help him quit. I bought in for 100 bucks just for fun and upon my room mate request and ended up with $1400. That was the start. My room mate did not quit but I got hooked.
I am a Civil Engineer by profession with a good job and carrier. I am engaged to a wonderful girl and we bought a house together two years ago. Past 6 years have been extremely painful as I lost everything many times. Had it not been for my fiancee, I would have been out on the streets right now. She helped me all along the way, borrowed money from her family and banks so that we don't loose everything. She helped me to complete my masters degree and inspite of my many promises I still kept on gambling behind her back. She would cry and cry whe I wold tell her that I lost everything again including mortgage and car payments, so terrible now when I think of it. I love her so much and can't belive that I did that to her. In my mind I did it everytime so that I could make more money and get rid of all her debts to make her happy and I meant it every time except that you never win with casino. First its hard to win but even when you win you always give it back because we are compulsive gamblers. So manytimes I have sat in casinos, lost everything looking at all loosers and asking myself why on earth would a guy like me who took straight A's and have a master degree fall in to this trap? I pitied myself every time. Somehow I have managed kept it as a secret from my family and friends but sooner or later they will find out. So many times I would leave work during lunch and go to casino to never go back to work on that day. We are trapped in debt problems and payday loans. My fiancee work for an oil n gas company and I work for government, both making good money and yet we are always pennyless due to my addiction. I tried to quit two times before but it never lasted for more than 3 weeks. This time I have made a promise to myself and God on June 2, 2010 that I will never do it again. It has been 19 days since I have been clean. It is hard for us right now to cope with payments but I know for sure if I stay the course, we can pay most of our high interest loans fast. The temptation is something I fight every day. I am grateful for this site and everyone on here who share their stories with us. Together we can defeat this virus. We just gota do it one day at a time. Everyday I am clean, feels so good at night before going to bed. I hope we all fight this disease and live a peaceful and normal life. My prayers are with you and everyone who has the willpower.
Take care,

Hi Hopeful..WElcome to D.S..
The only thing you can do with those Certificates of degrees is hang them. Bringing them into 'any Venues just increases failure mode I think. I 'used to be so disappointed at myself with what I knew but could not stop. This illness of compulsive, obsessive addicted behaviour 'does not care how smart you are ,only question that is asked is ? where's the Money ???. And I needed money to fuel the bets. When I spent it all. it only left in coming pay and ..It was gone before it arrived and I spent future monies =credit card. I am grateful the mortgage was no harmed ; but that was the only assett not touched. But by that time the 'bag lady visual I had was frightening. NOt only was I going to be on the street if I continued ; but hubby too. He was the collateral damage in the wake of my gambling.
I stopped..The lies did me in , the shame nagged me the guilt plaqued me. And with getting help the seeds had been planted and I knew what I had to do >>go back to GA and try again.. And I did...I gave over all control of finances and came clean to spouse. I knew if I did not the bet waited.
The dream world was smashed as they say in GA. I went through the stages of grief and withdrawals as I said Goodbye to Gambling. The mental obsession stopped the day "I accepted I was a compulsive gambler and this last time I meant it without it being lip service only to get 'hubby off my case.
It is hard but It sure was not as bad as I thought. But then that was my mind thinking I would feel lost forever. "I" don't TODAY . I embrace Recovery. Daily I am busy or productive. Both help. The dream has faded ..The voice that called is gone. I don't have urges, triggers, ideas or inklings of gambling at All. I am vigilent. I am not cured. (only hams are lol).
Be well I hope the maddness of this addiction loses it's appeal for you. And for all who are struggling. It does pass IN time.
Sandra gams5..GRateful I can help with HOpe I see me in all who come here. Without all new I would be back out there thinking it 'changed. And will change for me ; but you tell me by your story 'Nothing has changed the MISERY EXISTS.

This sure sounds just like my story also. I live only 10 min. from a casino. I love the penny slots and I bet the max for the max win. I have won alot, but I kept putting it back to win more and more. I only lost in the long run. It is a terrible cycle. We must stop. There's no way to ever get ahead like this. I just quit 7 days ago and I am depending on friends and web-sites like this to help me to stay on the right road. You are very smart to recongize that you must stop too. Stay focussed on what is truly important to you. Stay away from the casino.

Oh Hopeful I so understand where you are coming from. I was in your shoes only just 2 months ago. I thought my whole world was going to fall apart. I could not stop and I felt like I was so out of control. I would win big and I would take it home and the next day I would take it back and lose it all plus more. I could not keep any money at all. I think in a weeks time I went through $2,500.00 of a 401k loan I had taken out to pay some bills off. I had to try and figure out how to lie my way out of that one to my husband. The lies just keep coming and coming and I just could not keep them straight anymore. And none of the bills were getting paid and the collectors or just calling and I couldn't hide it anymore. In my little town our casino is only 2 blocks away from my house it was my second home when my husband was gone that was where I was. That was where i spent every lunch hour and every 15min break. I could go through a $100.00 easy in a 15min break twice a day 5 days a week. Finally I had to come clean to my husband it was the hardest thing in the world that I had to do. It took me weeks to get the nerve to do it. I lost 40 pounds and endless nights of sleep and it even effected my work I could not function at all until I told him. It was not easy he was very mad and very hurt but we are working through it. I had to had over all the control of the money and believe me that is really hard but it has to be done. When you have no money you can't gamble. But our bills are getting paid and I have not stepped in a casino for almost 2 months now nor have i wanted to. I also have started canceling once a week and that has been great. My husband did let me have some money this weekend and i did go to the mall and spent it on me and showed him the receipts to prove that none of it went to gambling. And that is helping with the trust issues. So my advice to you is come clean to your husband hand over your money and get help or it will take over every aspect of your life and destroy you and your marriage. This website is great it saved me and the people on here will help you. But also get help from the people that are around you. I pray you have a understanding husband that will help you through this and not judge but help.
Kim

Thanks for all of your encouragement and support. I am feeling very confident that I can overcome this and stay away. I have read from so many people that part of the struggle is finding ways to fill the time that was previously spent gambling...today I am getting a pedicure...way cheaper than the slots :o)

I know how it is - the compulsive gambling really creeps up on you! I too started out making $20 last several hours on a nickel machine, and just going to the casino occasionally. By last year, before I finally quit gambling, I was to the stage where I'd walk directly to the quarter machines and play the max bets until I had reached all my credit lines for the day! Just no excitement any more playing for small amounts. And of course the hardest thing is knowing that if you win anything, you'll just feed it back until it's gone, so it's impossible to really ever win if you're a compulsive gambler. So easy to put $100 bills into the slot machine (usually gone in 15 minutes!), and then penny-pinch at home over whether to spend $20 on something you need a lot more!

There is a recent thread on here that "self-banning" doesn't work ... but it has been a life-saver for me because I haven't gambled in over 9 months. I self-banned at the casinos that are only 30 minutes away, so now I would have to go almost two hours away to gamble. Frankly, I like leaving the option open that I could still go to a casino if the urge became overwhelming. But when I think about the inconvenience of driving that far (and having to drive home dead-tired after probably playing slots all night since I can never quit until I'm exhausted), I have so far always found something better to do. You might look into self-banning from your favorite casino just to help you initially break the habit?

It also helped me to read some books about gambling addiction - there's a lot on the web too. (Like you, I'm a master's degree/career person, and somehow reading and processing the problem logically, and trying to find some root causes, was helpful.) The good thing for you is that you're still so young, and don't have children yet, and can nip this in the bud before it does any real damage. You can read a lot of stories on here from people who let it progress, lost everything, didn't spend time with their families, even ended up embezzling money or committing other crimes. Sounds like you have the smarts and willpower to fight it!

Hi, I'm glad that you find the courage to fight the horrible disease. I can't imagine how you feel being a smart woman and powerless over this addiction. I can relate to you, I am an MFT who supposed to know better because I helped people with addiction, and yet here I am brainless and stupid. I was clean for 12 days already, I thought I was strong enough to fight but this weekend I gave in again to my addiction and lost $3500, money to pay our bills. Now my three checking accts are overdrawn. I feel like the monster inside me got away again.

Hoper, just be aware of relapse know your trigger. It is between 2-6 weeks when urges come really strong. Keep fighting although right now I wanted to die and I feeling hopeless. I know that there is hope especially with God. I'll be praying for you.

Hi and welcome to DS. I don't think anyone would ever beleive they would turn out to be a gambler including me! The most important thing now is to forget about the past, accept you have a problem and fix the problem so to speak. This site is fantastic and I'm sure you'll find it invaluable.

This story of yours is so famaliar to me. That is me!
We cannot do this alone as will power is not enough.
Sites like Daily Strength are a great way to share and give and get strength from others in the process to heal.
WEll done for your achievements so far on being here. I am actually back here after about a year of being in denial.
Thank u for sharing your story. x

This forum and these threads are amazing, powerful and incredibly nurturing.

I am seeing things through my gambling partners eyes reading your posts and can relate in many ways. I am coming to terms with the lies and being pushed away because of this habit. My partner is at a GA meeting tonight, he went last night too.

I am praying he lets me support and help him through this. I really a learning and understanding so much and want to get us through this.

Take care everyone, and hugs and prayers to you all. You are all amazing people