Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I need to spend more time coming to this site, I need to stay focused but I don't know how to get myself out and clean!
I have been a snowball rolling downhill for about 6 months now, and at the beginning of June I told myself that was it, I had to quit, and this has been the worst month yet...
Every mistake I make seems to increase the pressure on me to make one big score *before* I can finally quit... although I know deep down a big score would just be temporary relief.
At the beginning of the month my brother was visiting from BC. We didnt have much to do the first week and he had a few more days to stay, and a friend of ours wanted to do something with the 2 of us so somehow it was decided to go to Niagara overnight... Well I gave in and went, and I didnt even try not to gamble, I resolved myself that I had to "win" in order to have a good time. I didn't win, and it was not a good time, as I went back to the hotel room early and tried to figure out how to recover, even though it was a fairly small loss it seemed like the worst thing ever. In the morning I figured I "HAD" to go win my money back so i went and lost another 200...
Last week I messed up pretty good, putting an account set aside for car payments in the hole in order to gamble, and lost about 400. So I borrowed 500 to cover my car payment and to avoid an $80 NSF fiasco. I got paid on Friday so I paid some bills but still owe the $500. Then for some reason I keep having dreams about winning money, and yesterday out of nowhere I decided to go to the casino again... I had a little bit of money - which I had borrowed so I could not stress about money too much - which I then went and lost, along with again losing the money for the car payment.
These amounts seem ridiculously small probably to many hardcore gamblers, but the sickness is that I am taking literally every penny I can access and pissing it away little by little, and borrowing to gamble, and soon I will be in way over my head!!! If I had just not gambled in Niagara, or since then, I would likely have a nice little bit of cash in savings rather than paying the ridiculous rates to be borrowing money from the cash loan places! All just to feed some insatiable appetitie to "win"... I feel sick to my stomach.
Part of the problem is that I have been an addicted gambler for close to 15 years now... Knowing that I have a problem has not helped me stop. I have been married for two years now and before we got married I had a big melt down where I lost a lot of money I couldnt afford and had to tell my wife, girlfriend at the time, and it was horrible to go through, and basically she said if it happens again she would leave me. Well that hasnt stopped me, it did for a bit, then I started doing a little bit here and there, with amounts I could handle, and I would have an occassional big win and I would hide the winnings, spend a little bit more but basically stash it away hidden which meant of course that I had money with which to gamble again... only lately they have all been losses and financial pressures resulting from work and increased expenses - combined with a few "free" afternoons which I had no place I had to be - have resulted in some very bad decisions. I have been doing this so long and I am getting so sick of it, I have noone left to turn to, no family members, not my wife, no friends because I have promised them all I no longer have a problem.
I'm looking at a hard road, I know theres a way out but I dont seem to be able to stick to it I want an easier path...
My brother said a while back I should be going to meetings, which he is doing bc he is also addicted, but I dont know how to set it up or how to get myself free to go without telling my wife where I am going, and then she will wonder why all of a sudden I want to go...
I have been a snowball rolling downhill for about 6 months now, and at the beginning of June I told myself that was it, I had to quit, and this has been the worst month yet...
Every mistake I make seems to increase the pressure on me to make one big score *before* I can finally quit... although I know deep down a big score would just be temporary relief.
At the beginning of the month my brother was visiting from BC. We didnt have much to do the first week and he had a few more days to stay, and a friend of ours wanted to do something with the 2 of us so somehow it was decided to go to Niagara overnight... Well I gave in and went, and I didnt even try not to gamble, I resolved myself that I had to "win" in order to have a good time. I didn't win, and it was not a good time, as I went back to the hotel room early and tried to figure out how to recover, even though it was a fairly small loss it seemed like the worst thing ever. In the morning I figured I "HAD" to go win my money back so i went and lost another 200...
Last week I messed up pretty good, putting an account set aside for car payments in the hole in order to gamble, and lost about 400. So I borrowed 500 to cover my car payment and to avoid an $80 NSF fiasco. I got paid on Friday so I paid some bills but still owe the $500. Then for some reason I keep having dreams about winning money, and yesterday out of nowhere I decided to go to the casino again... I had a little bit of money - which I had borrowed so I could not stress about money too much - which I then went and lost, along with again losing the money for the car payment.
These amounts seem ridiculously small probably to many hardcore gamblers, but the sickness is that I am taking literally every penny I can access and pissing it away little by little, and borrowing to gamble, and soon I will be in way over my head!!! If I had just not gambled in Niagara, or since then, I would likely have a nice little bit of cash in savings rather than paying the ridiculous rates to be borrowing money from the cash loan places! All just to feed some insatiable appetitie to "win"... I feel sick to my stomach.
Part of the problem is that I have been an addicted gambler for close to 15 years now... Knowing that I have a problem has not helped me stop. I have been married for two years now and before we got married I had a big melt down where I lost a lot of money I couldnt afford and had to tell my wife, girlfriend at the time, and it was horrible to go through, and basically she said if it happens again she would leave me. Well that hasnt stopped me, it did for a bit, then I started doing a little bit here and there, with amounts I could handle, and I would have an occassional big win and I would hide the winnings, spend a little bit more but basically stash it away hidden which meant of course that I had money with which to gamble again... only lately they have all been losses and financial pressures resulting from work and increased expenses - combined with a few "free" afternoons which I had no place I had to be - have resulted in some very bad decisions. I have been doing this so long and I am getting so sick of it, I have noone left to turn to, no family members, not my wife, no friends because I have promised them all I no longer have a problem.
I'm looking at a hard road, I know theres a way out but I dont seem to be able to stick to it I want an easier path...
My brother said a while back I should be going to meetings, which he is doing bc he is also addicted, but I dont know how to set it up or how to get myself free to go without telling my wife where I am going, and then she will wonder why all of a sudden I want to go...
I am so sorry you are feeling so low, lost and alone.I know you are hurting, so I wanted to reach out to let you know that I am here, for what its worth. For you see, I am relatively new to this whole journey. My last bet was April 15, 2012 and I'm trying to take one day at a time-thus far I have been true to myself and my guy. Right now, he is the only one in my closest circle of loved ones that knows the truth.
This site amd the wonderful people on it will bless you, humble you,
and provide you as much encouragement and support as you may need. You have taken the 1st by recognizing the problem at hand. Now comes the difficult task of having to sort through all the guilt, regrets, anger and fear. I attend GA meeting regularly, every week, and spend time here on the site which has been extremely therapeutic for me. i sense that you are frightened to death to open up to your wife, for fear of losing her! I know the feeling only too well, but I finally reached a point where could not continue to run away from this demon any longer. So when my boyfriend confronted me, about whether I was still gambling, I finally said to myself "I can't continue to lie to this dear man and I can't continue to lie to myself".
You'll hear so many people say that money problems are the easiest to rectify-first step is to stop chasing your loses. The financial devastation(big or small) can be halted by not placing your next bet. As for all the other components of your life, relationship with your wife, family, friends- it is a rebuilding process that will take time.
If you can't attend GA meetings, perhaps you can see a professional who should be able to help you sort out your thoughts and guide you through the process.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, Alex. Please don't be a stranger to this site-we're here to help each other.
i can relate to the snowball rolling down hill cause ive been saying that for years. them troubles just keep getting bigger and bigger on the way down and just waiting to hit that fence where it all falls apart.. ya may have hit the fence but i think ya got someone by your side who wont mind help putting ya back together. just be honest with her and ask her to help ya hook up this ga meeting. she'll know ya got good intentions and letting her know she needs to take over the funds will tell her your on the level with her.
Take control and do yourself a favor by finding other activities to do. Review your budget. See how gambling just does not fit in with the numbers unless you want to see your hard earned money handed over the establishment.
The highs and lows of gambling are very addictive. It's like a rollercoaster and I believe it mimics bipolar symptoms. But, you can beat it. See it for what it is. Take care and good luck!
This gambling addiction is horrible!
I know where you are coming from because I just had to drop a bunch of the same stuff on my family and other loved ones a couple weeks ago. Its gonna be a hard time, but it will feel better to get everything out on the table and get back on the right track. Things will get better. Get to a meeting and quit chasing those losses, car payments, bill money, etc. It won't matter at this point anyway brother. Keep your head up and do the next right thing.