Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
One week into my recovery, I self excluded yesterday from two of the main casinos I would go to, and although I have no urge, when I went into the last casino, to self exclude yesterday, I got very emotional, on the inside, I didn't want the security or the casino manager see me falling apart inside.
I wasn't falling apart inside because I was sad I was banning myself from the casinos, I was only wishing I had done it sooner. My daughter came with me, and she was so supportive, I don't believe I could have walked into either places without placing a "one last time" bet, if she hadn't come with me.
This addiction makes me question everything about myself. Although I know its an addiction, I wonder if there is something more wrong with me? Not that the addiction isn't enough, but what else is going on with me? I hate digging too deep, or turning up old issues, but this time around, I think its important for my recovery to look at myself, my life, my hurt, my love, without making it too complicated? I do love my life, but I come from a very, very dysfunctional background, family life. I never really dealt with it because I didn't have time, I was always on the go, always trying to fix things, always moving forward and being the strong one as they called me.
Maybe, slowly I will be able to figure it out, or, maybe I can just be honest and finally say, yes, my past hurt me, it almost crippled me. It was abusive, it was sad, it was painful. Today, I have a better life, I don't need to run away, I don't need to escape to a different place, gamble for days and then beat myself up for it.
Today, a week into my recovery, I get to enjoy the sunshine, and although I am still upset about my relapse, I am grateful I have today, GF, and waking up feeling better than I did a week ago. This is a one day at a time recovery for me. Meetings, steps and pure honesty is what I need, I know it, I know what I need, now, I am going to do it.
Rambling I know, my soul is healing.
xoxoxox
I wasn't falling apart inside because I was sad I was banning myself from the casinos, I was only wishing I had done it sooner. My daughter came with me, and she was so supportive, I don't believe I could have walked into either places without placing a "one last time" bet, if she hadn't come with me.
This addiction makes me question everything about myself. Although I know its an addiction, I wonder if there is something more wrong with me? Not that the addiction isn't enough, but what else is going on with me? I hate digging too deep, or turning up old issues, but this time around, I think its important for my recovery to look at myself, my life, my hurt, my love, without making it too complicated? I do love my life, but I come from a very, very dysfunctional background, family life. I never really dealt with it because I didn't have time, I was always on the go, always trying to fix things, always moving forward and being the strong one as they called me.
Maybe, slowly I will be able to figure it out, or, maybe I can just be honest and finally say, yes, my past hurt me, it almost crippled me. It was abusive, it was sad, it was painful. Today, I have a better life, I don't need to run away, I don't need to escape to a different place, gamble for days and then beat myself up for it.
Today, a week into my recovery, I get to enjoy the sunshine, and although I am still upset about my relapse, I am grateful I have today, GF, and waking up feeling better than I did a week ago. This is a one day at a time recovery for me. Meetings, steps and pure honesty is what I need, I know it, I know what I need, now, I am going to do it.
Rambling I know, my soul is healing.
xoxoxox
both parents and im sure other generations i had gambled, i grew up with it and in addition i had my share of disapointments, deaths, and abusive ex boyfriends to just add to the mix
this is hope i CHOSE to copy, plain and simple, it drew me in, just like anything else WE on this forum cant understand, like cutting, or eating everthing in site, or starving oneself, i ask god all the time, and i think he`s just like, well its beats cancer, or having a loss of a child or a death or kidnapping or debilitating pain. You see, we are the lucky ones, we can CHANGE this....