Do you love me?,,, do you love me? The song just keeps going over and over again through my head. I was reading through some of the most recent postings today and found myself eager to share... kind of like a meeting that generates so much emotions for me, I was reading posts, from gamblers, and from family members that have been suffering. Although I'm in recovery, I am very much aware of my addiction, and how easy it would be to place just one bet. I also know, for me, that one bet, that one card game, could and would turn into a nightmare and my addiction would be back, haunting me, as well as the people that love me.

I am finally able to say I don't beat myself up anymore, but, I don't forget either. Actually now that I'm in recovery, I can see so clearly what this addiction did, not only to me, but the people that love me, when I was in the addiction, I didn't care who I hurt, I lied, and there were some pretty crazy lies I would tell, I was defensive, I was justified I was defiant, and selfish. All of the character traits that aren't really ME, but clearly were me, while active in my addiction.

Its not who I really am, unless of course, I decide to place another bet. That is who I become, and even though I don't like who I am, once in the addiction, again, it dosent matter.

Today, in this day of my recovery, I'm free of that, of having to lie, wanting to lie, of being selfish, defiant, and careless. But, I know, for me, if I ever begin to think, it can't happen again, then I'm one step away from placing a bet. My family has to stay vigilant, I respect that, I admire that, and oh yeah, I LOVE THEM for that.

Be true and be a warrior.

xoxoxo