Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
My husband passed away a little over a year ago. We lived in Mesquite for a short time before he died. My kids all said "move back to
Salt Lake where we can "take care of you." I sold my Mesquite house and bought a house in Murray Utah. There wasn't a day that I didn't wish I were back in Mesquite. So a year from the day I moved away I moved back. I bought a small condo and I live 30 seconds from the casinos. I have always loved to play the machines. When my husband was alive I used restraint and seldom went to play. Now I have
nobody to report to and I am out of control. I spend way too much money and spend way too much time playing the machines. I come home filled with guilt and swear I won't do it again and then I just forget all the guilt and happily drive down the street and back to the bright lights. I fell like I am "coming home" when I walk in the door. I know I have to stop or I will be broke way too soon. I love living here and wouldn't want to go back to Salt Lake but I can't seem to get myself under control. My husband had one friend here and I spend time with him but he is a gambler, which I don't need......
Hi, I’m Robin, I’m at 8+ months without gambling. I’m a compulsive gambler, one bet and I’m glued to the game until it’s over and I am the loser. I play to lose. I’ve known this about myself for a very long time and continued to gamble. I tried to act casual while sitting at a machine, embarrassed to think about what I must look like to others, like a zombie or a fiend, when really inside I was numb. Nothing was on my mind, nothing was going on in my brain except the game. I played to go numb, to go to a place where my mind could only focus on one thing, the game.
One day at a time is how I deal with my addiction. I have to remind myself that gambling is very dangerous for me and I’m done self harming.
I hope I didn’t get too heavy in my reply to your post. Welcome
Today I will not gamble
Oh yes. Right.
Today I was journaling. I sobbed out loud, and I hate hearing myself cry. I thought of the many deaths to suicide, cirrhosis, and car accidents in my community within the past month... plus the kids who I know attempted suicide... I’m in a helping profession, so I see a lot and hear a lot of ugly...
It hit me today. I don’t drink or drug but I’m realizing my problem with gambling. I don’t want to do it because it hurts me. But I understand why I was gambling... I had a lot of hurt inside. It was grief and Loss. I love my community. I was sad because my grandma died of cirrhosis and my dad committed suicide 5 years ago. He gambled too.
Everything is connected, my therapist helped me see that. Because I’m going to school full time and working, I haven’t gone to therapy. It’s a 3 hour drive there. I think I better go back. My light is dim, and I have no motivation for school. It’s an illness. We need to have compassion for ourselves.
Start with forgiving yourself.