Day 8 in my recovery. I'm doing better, not great, but better. I'm able to find a reason to smile, and I've been working around my house, getting my energy back and motivated to move around, rather than sulk around. Its funny, how I was thinking this last weekend, "this time last week" I made that dreadful turn, and I was trying to remember where I was, I am not kidding when I say the relapse is a blur, I know I went, that's for sure, but my time table is off. It was also strange as I sat with my dogs last night, I was thinking OMG, from Saturday until now, I was not home last week, I was gone that entire time, which in retrospect seemed like forever, when I was thinking about it last night. Odd, all that wasted time, wasted emotions, wasted money. Odd to me, still.

I'm not beating myself up anymore, I am moving forward, and I'm taking action. But, to be true, the memory, or memories come in a flash to me, as I'm driving some place, or sitting quietly, its as though I am having a bad flashback. I know this all sounds odd, but honestly, this was by far the worst for me, even during the 10 years I gambled, this time, it hit me so hard, that I know in my heart, as badly as I want to be in recovery, I need to listen, learn, and practice the GA program, all the way, not my way, not a half ass way. I need to practice the program 110%.

xoxoxoxoxo my warriors, I'm making my way back, a better person for it, and I can tell you, its not different, its worse, its not better, its worse. It doesn't change, it gets worse, trust me on that, if anything good comes from my relapse, I hope you read this and take it to heart.

Terri