Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I try to read posts, every day, sometimes, I can't, and then I have to play catch up. I have not placed a bet in awhile. More importantly, I have not placed a bet, TODAY.
It appears that the majority of the posts are just like me, meaning, the words I read, described me, to the T. Its funny, in "real life" I have zero desire to hurt myself, or others. In real life, I work hard for my money, and I have self respect for myself as well as others. In my addiction, that wasn't the case. I see how I was literally, hurting myself, as well as others. Others meaning, my family, my friends, work associates, creditors, etc. I was reckless, which again, in real life, isn't me. My last bet, I went out with a bang, I literally drained my bank accounts, drained them. I knew what I was doing, sort of, in the heat of my last bet. Its as though someone else takes over, and tells me, to beat the crap out of myself, as if, I deserved it?
I didn't deserve it, not by a long shot. The addiction is so mean, so selfish, so controlling, that it took ME away. Only another compulsive gambler could understand what I am trying to say. The time lost, the money lost, the emotional beating it gave me, for years, was the addiction. Now, I see clearly, standing outside of the addiction, but, while in the addiction, "all bets were off." I was someone else, I was controlled by the addiction, and trust me, it had a hold on me.
I was able to finally take my power back, not control it, because its a beast, that requires constant awareness. I couldn't kill the beast, although I wanted to, but that would mean, killing myself, as the beast lives inside of me. I have no desire to hurt myself anymore. But, I am aware of it, I don't feed it, I hope to be starving it, just enough to weaken its hold on me, and give me the strength to keep it down, just for today.
Strange thoughts I know, but reading others posts, triggered my thought for the day,
Recovery, is just that, recovery. To each our own. I don't have a magic wand, nor do I have a magic solution to keep down the beast, other than, working my recovery, each and every minute of the day. We all work our own programs, nobody is better, less than, or different, we all want and strive for the same thing. To not gamble, today, and as I say that, I pray, for the rest of my life. I won't feed the beast, and if I do, I hope it doesn't like the main course, called RECOVERY.
Hugs, do the day my sweet warriors.
Terri
It appears that the majority of the posts are just like me, meaning, the words I read, described me, to the T. Its funny, in "real life" I have zero desire to hurt myself, or others. In real life, I work hard for my money, and I have self respect for myself as well as others. In my addiction, that wasn't the case. I see how I was literally, hurting myself, as well as others. Others meaning, my family, my friends, work associates, creditors, etc. I was reckless, which again, in real life, isn't me. My last bet, I went out with a bang, I literally drained my bank accounts, drained them. I knew what I was doing, sort of, in the heat of my last bet. Its as though someone else takes over, and tells me, to beat the crap out of myself, as if, I deserved it?
I didn't deserve it, not by a long shot. The addiction is so mean, so selfish, so controlling, that it took ME away. Only another compulsive gambler could understand what I am trying to say. The time lost, the money lost, the emotional beating it gave me, for years, was the addiction. Now, I see clearly, standing outside of the addiction, but, while in the addiction, "all bets were off." I was someone else, I was controlled by the addiction, and trust me, it had a hold on me.
I was able to finally take my power back, not control it, because its a beast, that requires constant awareness. I couldn't kill the beast, although I wanted to, but that would mean, killing myself, as the beast lives inside of me. I have no desire to hurt myself anymore. But, I am aware of it, I don't feed it, I hope to be starving it, just enough to weaken its hold on me, and give me the strength to keep it down, just for today.
Strange thoughts I know, but reading others posts, triggered my thought for the day,
Recovery, is just that, recovery. To each our own. I don't have a magic wand, nor do I have a magic solution to keep down the beast, other than, working my recovery, each and every minute of the day. We all work our own programs, nobody is better, less than, or different, we all want and strive for the same thing. To not gamble, today, and as I say that, I pray, for the rest of my life. I won't feed the beast, and if I do, I hope it doesn't like the main course, called RECOVERY.
Hugs, do the day my sweet warriors.
Terri
skip88
Thank you for the great post. Reading it helped me a lot as it was so sincere and well written.
rememberthepain
this post is so well said!! Thank You for this!!
Qwit4Good
Terri, you are always an inspiration. Thank you for being you and being here. Your posts often inspire introspection and gratitude in me.
maria204
you are so right...we all have to figure out what will work for us...everyone is different....i am now after so many attempts actually following my own plan that seems to be doing the trick,a combination of many things that have been advised and building up to more stratergies as i go along. always mindful though that i CANT GO BACK TO THAT HELL HOLE THAT I HAD CREATED FOR MYSELF!! thank you for your inspiring words...
Join the Conversation