Oh my gosh, thank goodness its Friday, thank goodness! This week, although productive has been oddly difficult for me. My mood has gone up and down, although mostly good, there have been moments of "did I say that?"

I was thinking last night, I am going to have to start to look at some of the reasons I ran to the casino in the first place, what was I running from, what was I running too, and why did I have this need to sabotage myself? I know I have an addiction, and placing that first bet, 10 years ago, snow balled into a full addiction.

Over the years, I have had a lot of excuses, I was lonely, I was hurt by a family member, my work was exhausting, the lose of someone I loved, or even to celebrate something good that had happened. I see now, that the addiction slowly over the years took complete control over me, I got something out of it, initially sitting at the lower stakes table and moving to the higher stakes table, I actually remember when I moved to the higher stakes table and how I got sucked in with a big win. My dad used to say, you have to bet big, to win big.... that was something I used as an excuse to be so reckless.

Anyway, I'm grateful I have 46 days today, I am grateful for my higher power, I am grateful for my family, my job, my home, my animals, my friends, my health. I'm so grateful I'm not sitting in a card room, hating who I was, and I get to feel the sunshine coming into my office window as I hear the chatter and laughter of others in my office on this wonderful Friday morning. Thank you God, for giving me the courage and the strength to walk through my journey, called recovery! Do the day people. oxoxox