I like what you said about not forgetting....it is easy easy to forget after you haven't gambled for a while. When things have eased up, there is money in the bank, no wolf is at the door....yeah, gambling sounds like "harmless fun....I'm OK now, I could be Ok with it...."

WRONG

I went back and read some of my journals from early last yr...it was a real good reminder.

Glad you seem to be a lot better...and I'm here, waiting for you to have that baby, so we can see some pics!

Love ya, Dianne

Hi,
It never truly ends...because there is no cure for compulsive/addictive gambling, and I agree with you, the fight against ourselves never ends, either. Not only is there no cure for this addiction, it's mental, and because it is mental, I believe we have to stay aware of the possibility of switching addictions as well as staying vigilant about becoming complacent. I love that you like your own company now, me, too! As a result of changing the way I think and live, I've discovered I'm not such bad company after all. Hello me...! lol Good things have happened since I quit gambling, things I'd never even thought about changing. And when you said DONT FORGET... and DONT GIVE UP, well, I couldn't have put it better myself. Take care, you're almost there, mommy-to-be :)

Forgive me if this sounds obvious....but if you at one time were an addicted, compulsive, gambler. How can you work in a casino? I understand if you have bills to pay and have to make ends meet. But that would be like a reformed alcholic tending bar.

How can you work in a casino? Good question...borntolose123

We have lots of reformed alcoholics, and even compulsive gamblers in recovery, who are bartenders here in Las Vegas. I know a few dealers who are compulsive gamblers, too. It's one of those easier said than done situations to give up your lively hood due to an addiction. But lots of people do that, too. I suppose since I live in Vegas I've heard many examples of both. I am one example of a compulsive gambler who gave up working for the hotel/casino industry. I was fortunate my husband could support me, fortunate and grateful. So I really can't say how it would feel to still be there... I know I hated it when I was. Working in a casino didn't necessarily cause urges to gamble, it made me angry to think I was still associated with an industry that I felt no respect for. But to support myself and my children I would do whatever it took. Like I said, I worked in the industry, too. And I want to add most of those years my job was just a job, when I wasn't a compulsive gambler. When I became addicted I wanted to be away from the whole industry, not because of urges to gamble, more because I couldn't stomach being there anymore. But that's just me. Once in a while I try to see some good in the industry, because I live in this town, but I just can't see it anymore. It doesn't bother me to be around gaming, I just don't have any reason to be there. In this town gambling is everywhere! But today that's okay with me. I don't have to gamble if I don't want to, and I don't. And with that being sad, I will say, today I will not gamble.

All I know is for me GA works. GA says "Don't test or tempt yourself. Don't associate with acquaintances that gamble. Don't go in or near gambling establishments." I have been following these steps like they are the law.

They have been working for me so I could never do that. You can always find other work.

Since I live in Las Vegas, I've been to quite a few GA meetings here. I can remember members talking about "Don't test or tempt yourself", and how it applies to people living and working here. It would be impossible to live here without seeing gambling all around you on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, some compulsive gamblers do move out of town. I wouldn't mind, but not because of the gambling, more because I've lived in the desert for such a long time...sigh...but my kids are here, and my husbands job is here, and yes, he's associated with the industry. He's in construction, he puts the tile in the monstrous casino/hotels. With the recession going on, he's fortunate to be working. Like I said before, I was fortunate to be able to quit my job, and look for a job that wasn't in the industry, not everyone is that fortunate. I had some gambling free time (abstinence) while still working in the industry. A couple of good yrs. But I do remember feeling disgruntled about making a living doing something I didn't want to support. Looking back I believe I felt that way because I only had abstinence, not recovery. I didn't get to quit my job until my kids were all grown up, fortunately my husband can support us both. But this isn't the case for many recovering compulsive gamblers, in the town. For example single moms, single dads, 2 income families still not making enough survive, people with lots and lots of dept, they can't just quit there jobs and look for something else. I understand this, and I also have seen, with my own eyes, people in the industry, who are also in recovery. Everyones journey is different, I love that part of recovery! I also love what Dracona wrote, DONT FORGET... and DONT GIVE UP. Thanks jc...

It still boggles my mind....I would move.

I know many people in addictions that work in positions in which they are subjected to the very addiction they are in recovery for. I have a friend who is a bartender and in AA, has been clean for 12 years in that business. He says that when he sees someone drinking it reminds him how he never wants to ever go their again. I have another friend who works in a building with VLT's who is a CG. They are still clean and say that when they watch someone there they feel sorry for them and again are reminded of why they are staying clean. I think that they take their situation and turn it into a positive instead of a negative. We all have to make our choices in recovery. What we do for a living is our choice. I know that in recovery in GA we are told not to do this or that which are are basis for a good recovery, but as I said once "Are you Gonna feed my Kids?" Would I want to work around gambling machines/ NO, but I did at one time early in recovery when I was doing a show at a bar. Did I gamble because of it? NO.
I also looked at those playing the machines and thought "You poor people" I never want to have that look in my eyes again.

thats a good question born, and one i have struggled with.
that job, is all i have. sure there is other work, if i want to work 40 hours a week in a convienience store to make minimum wage, IF im lucky. jobs are hard to come by around here, and the cost of living is higher than other places. even people with college degree's make about what we make as dealers here, its not always consistent, but it is what it is. its hard. i was out of work for 5 months, my EX bf said he would take care of me for a bit, so i could look for work and get out of casinos. i tried. i even applied at grocery stores. he left me with nothing and no one to turn to because i didnt start working fast enough, and i was pregnant at the time and very sick.
there was no way i could have made enough to support myself.
after moving alot, and welfare, i went back to work as soon as i could. and you know what? the only thing i could find was a casino. I hate what it does to me. but i like the oppurtunities this job can present if used correctly. imagine if you made on average 21 an hour, and pretty much worked when you wanted to? got off early, needed extra hours? come on in. see, im thinking college now.
i can base my job around college. if i can stay away from the gambling. it does make it hard. its hard to look at money as money.
but right now it is all i have. ironic, yes. i remember when i used to gamble before work, then work, and hope people would win so they would tip me so i could make up for my losses. that was sick. i would scramble days before rent to make enough tips to make rent.
payday loans. i was entirely awful. im sure most remember how bad i was. I am not cured, we are NEVER cured. but i am not like i was, and i have to be greatful for that, and work through this process again. i thought quitting casinos was the only way out, cause when i wasnt working, i was FINE. work was an excuse to gamble, and gambling was an excuse not to work. but now, i cant be without a job. and right now this IS the best i can do, to provide for me and my baby, and is flexible enough to make plans for college. so i have to find a way to deal with it. some people dont have the option of just moving. I do not want to do this forever.
if i have to struggle like this for the next couple years, then fine. as long as i am working on college and working on GETTING OUT.
if i slip, then i slip. i start over and work to make up for it.
but i will get out someday. and i know once i am free of this job then i will be fine. just fine. but for now im stuck. its this or mcdonalds. so i choose this. at least i have a free schedule. I may go into management. its a pay cut, but then you dont get your tips, you just get an hourly, from 16-17hr. and a paycheck. so i would lose about 5-8hr dollars a month, but it would make up for what i would lose if i gambled. i wouldnt have the cash on hand to do so. i need my income to be low anyway for financial assistance for college.

very well put Dracona. Very true and very moving. I really respect your comments and integrity. Keep it going

Dracona.. Sometimes 'Yah got a do what ya got a do .. 'The old Phrase ''Walk a Mile in my Mocassins''rings true.
''The economy ''has taken nose dives before', depending now long 'yah been on the planet.. lol
'Diversity.. 'Education. 'skills ''learned.. All help on my journey .. College sounds great.. with 'working in the indrusty of 'Gambling.. to pay ongoing needs at this time. I can't fathom it cuz I have never been there 'so that is my perception..
Your living there 'who am I 'to 'Judge.
Now iffen I decided 'I would like to earn that 'wage '...and go to Vegas '''then I'd have to 'ask myself 'What is my Adenda'.. lol .
Today is my reality 'where I am .
Today is YOur reality where you are.
Georgraphically 'distanced ; but 'still as near as 'it can be to any 'tempations for both of us ..
We make choices 'with what 'we have..
You with YOur's Me with mine.
''Stay 'focused to 'Education . and 'raising a baby ''.Tough spot '; but not Alone lessen you choose 'too..
WTg with keeping that pregnancy''. Says 'Volumes to me. about being Responsible.
I go 'for another few days on the road 'making a 'fairly good wage that took some 're-training to 'accomplish'.
'Education 'to me means ''the more I learn the less I know 'but it leads me out of 'that tunnel vision of my former self.
You can do 'it '.
sanr..

To each their own. But I look at it like Mcdonanlds would work better. Because even if the casino paid you $100 an hour and you did slip. All your gonna do is dig a hole and be worse off in the end. You just said in your original post the voices are telling you to do it. I don't hear those voices anymore because I stay away.

I wish you the best.

If your strong enough to work in a casino as a CG and not gamble then you are strong enough to find a way out.

I can imagine that kind of money and great hours. I have them and if I could make more and go work in a casino I would not. Because it does not matter if you made $100 dollars an hour, if you relapse then you would have been better off at Mcdonalds and staying clean.

This is all just my opnion. I do wish you the best. And that really sucks if your going to be bringing a child in this world and the Dad just left. But that also tells me how strong you are. So keep fighting and maybe you can get out of there.

The only reason I questioned it is because you put on your post how "its a constant sub consious voice saying.... do it do it do it."

To me the voice alone would make me get out. I am sure that voice is much stronger and louder when you see the action in person. But if you have no other option then be the strong person you can be and get out of there ASAP!!!!!!!!

I do want out asap, but i have to force myself t calm down and take things, like we learn to, one day at a time. there is no quick escape.
and i think once school starts, plus the baby, plus its gaming season coming up with the horses, plus i might be on the soccer team for college with my little sister, and might get scholarship if i make it, plus helping out with parents store... whew... i just might be way to busy LIVING to spend time in the casinos. i do have PLANS. and a course to take, not just IDEAS. where before i would THINK to myself, the things i wanted to do, and NEVER do them. now i will, and im looking forward to it. im looking forward to being productive, and im looking forward to actually FINISHING something, and going somewhere. i feel calm. i feel like i have time, and i hadnt felt that way in a LONG time. i wasted SO much time, lost track of time. now that i have that back im not letting it go. sure i have urges, i guess i should explain better, when i say if i slip, i slip... it means more of i understand the process to go through, do i want to slip? no. but im not afraid of myself anymore, not like i was. i know how to put the past behind me, instead of living in the past and making it my future. i know how to move FORWARD, even if i stumble and take a step back. does that make better sense?
and this job that i have now, is well, not like the other casinos i ever worked at. its laid back, and everyone gets along so well, the people that work there are nice... wonderful even.. and understanding. the atmosphere is calm. and the schedule is flexible. and the flexible schedule is the biggest point right now.
the flexibility may allow me to work and do school and daycare with the least possible stress. if im tired, i just say i want to go home, and within a couple hours, im home, if i need money, i work an extra shift, on the day i can or have childcare available. if it all gets too hard, i can work in the cage, wear slippers, and sit behind the computer and do my homework while i wait to cash people out, pays alot less, but i would get school work done.
i can make my work schedule, around school!!! usually its the other way around!!! I have an oppurtunity here if i can harness it.
if it can just work out here for me for a couple years... just enough to get school done. im ready for a new life, i just have to deal with the old a little bit longer. i just have to deal with the temtation. it has to work this way, i have to make it. i can never allow myself to lean totally on someone EVER again, i can never be in a position to get dumped like i did, dumped in the middle of nowhere. I let my EX handle everything, quit working in casinos, he said he would take care of me for a couple months till i found something else that made me happier, or started school, said he loved me and wanted to see me happy and away from casinos. i was ENTIRELY honest with him, let him read all my DS journals and all the horrible things i did and felt when it came to my past gambling. and he betrayed me in the deepest kind of way, and left me pregnant and sick, in the streets with nothing. maybe it was a good thing. cause now i am entirely determined to be strong enough, on my own, for me and my baby, so that it can never happen again.

Your very strong and I really do wish you the best.