Hey Charmed,
Im new to this group but I have been reading here for years. Today is the first day I joined and it feels great. I understand what you are going thru I have experiancede the same problems. THats your mom an apology is defineatly needed. As far as gambling goes since they are asking you for money obviously you have a good source of income and/or job. You dont need to gamble to help others. Many times family or friends ask me for things and I figure well if i take this 400 and turn it into 800 i can help them and still have money. The moral of our thinking is sometimes messed up. Help with what you have or can afford our blessings will come soon. 1

I too gambled at times to 'earn' extra money for family, although I seldom left with any money. and, if I did win, the next few days most of it would go back.

that was just another form of stress. These same family members are doing just fine with my 'gambling assistance' just fine.

I'm sorry about the argument with your mother, Charm. I would apologize, and explain we do have uncontrollable emotions when we are fighting our addictions.

you do have a safe place to come without anyone 'fussing' you out. do what you need to do, and try not to dwell on it too much. we know what feeling bad could lead to.

honestly, we should have warning signs posted on our foreheads: be careful. proceed with caution. I"m working on my defects. they are NOT FIXED! lol. my family has probably noticed I spend a lot of quiet time in my room. there are major 'makeovers' going on with me mentally.

post all evening if you need to. someone will be here

And I thought I was the only one had that experience. That is a stress and like outrun said, I too thought I could turn my dollars to double and help everybody out. Ha, sure. It did not occurred to me that I could share what I can and that will be that. Funny how our math works when we gamble.

Just be best you can be Charm, we know you are under lots of stress and don't need anything that adds to that.

Glad that you shared. Rest well!

Love,
Victoria

Charmed, I know you are hurting and scared... and lost and when we are like that we protect ourselves by pushing back, blaming, etc. The good thing about those who love us is they forgive.. when the time is right you will make amends.

Until then.. don't let any of this discourage you from recovery.. take care of yourself and forgive yourself.

Sending you positive thoughts.

Dear Charmed2014,

I guess you could look at this like a withdrawal.
That means that you can be irritable and tempermental.
Please just let them know what you are going through
and I am sure they will understand.
Parents are very forgiving.
I believe you will be amazed at their forgiveness
and love and their support as you are going through this
awful time.

I know that I have felt very unlike myself at times
but it all seems to get so much better with a little time.
I am sure it will for you as well.

In no way are you a monster,
you are simply the person you always were
who is just going through a difficult time right now.
Forgive yourself as well.
It does the soul good.

Charmed--Oh sweetheart you're not a monster. A monster would show no remorse, which clearly you have. My eye opener was when my teenaged daughter said to me "you've changed, you are always miserable and you are no fun anymore." That's when I knew I was no longer a social gambler, I was hooked. All I could think of was when is the next time I can slip away for an hour or two or more. I'm paying for it now in many many ways, but hopefully on the right path to getting back to being a the person my daughter needs me to be. Stay strong, apologize to your mom, and forgive yourself. (((hugs)))